Realization I've made

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I have recently came to a realization regarding one of my biggest problems in terms of making friends and such. Thinking about it, I think that it is probably one of the bigger issues many of us here face. I realized that my difficulties socially are not necessarily all related to my social skills, or how outgoing I am. But, they are more an issue of simply being unique.

We naturally gravitate towards those who are similar to us, but in my case I have such a unique personality and interests that there are very few people who are very much like me. Most people who share my personality do not share my interests/viewpoints, and most people who share my interests or viewpoints have complete opposite personalities. That leads to me having many people who I get a long with (a bunch of friendly acquaintances), but in terms of actual long-term friends, it makes it much more difficult.

I realized this in part recently because, for the first time in many years, I met someone who actually is very much like me. Someone who shares nearly all of my interests, has similar views on the world, and has a similar personality. And in this instance I actually felt that "connection" thing that people always talk about, and it seems to be mutual. It is easy for me to see that if I was able to meet more people like that, I would have absolutely no problems in terms of friends.

I get the impression that most people who have more general/common interests and personalities are simply able to meet far more people that are "like them", and thus they end up having more success with friendships and relationships as a product of that. For example, if I was a boisterous, hardcore football fan, I could pretty much open my door and yell and find 15 people who are exactly the same.

Yeah. If you have all the social skills in the world (exaggeration) but don't have anything in common, you're never going to get invited for specific activities.

At best you can "hang out"

edit:

Which is why, although it might be a bit "poser"/fake'ish, I think it's good to have at least 1 hobby people can easily relate to. It doesn't have to be something you don't like, just something you could technically say has mainstream appeal.

This is a precise outline of how my own social life works. That said, everyone I know has some pretty unique talents too, I learn a lot more as I slack off with my friends than practically anyone.

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OP- you brought up an interesting point: what he have achieved as humans has also brought us further apart.

Back in the old days, all the men of a village were concerned with one thing - raising their family and surviving. There were no jobs, no internet, no cars. All the men hunted and the women stayed home to take care of the village and the kids.

During the middle ages, it was one faction, say the Normans against England. Technically, everyone was united around defeating a common enemy.

Those days of hardcore survival are behind us now. Now we're free to investigate all the different realms mankind can think of.

It's no wonder many of us are utterly alone in our interests. Combine that with our near invisibility, apartness, race, etc and it's a recipe for loneliness.

Stargazer43, what you say makes a lot of sense. I have not really thought of that for a reason for not making much friends. Thanks for the insight. Now that I think of it more, what you say does seem like it has an impact on my life.

I agree it's a large part of the issue. Though even with people I feel comfortable around, who I have things in common with, I still usually struggle to get over the acquaintance/friend barrier. It is easier, though. Definitely.

I too have thought about how easy it must be for the "normal" person to make friends, because so many people are similar to them. Same with dating, it's hard to find a kindred spirit when you are unique.

I've actually made a few friends here and there. Aside from that, nobody has ever perceived me as "alien".

I've actually made a few friends here and there. Aside from that, nobody has ever perceived me as "alien".

My problem with meeting people isn't talking to them. It's going to a place where I will be able to talk to people who aren't boring or annoying to me. I have a few places that I've been meaning to go to but if I go then I will have to talk to people (mostly salesman) and I don't really feel like interacting with them.

What was the question...my pandora song changed and now I forget.

I think this is a lot of what my problem making friends is. That and I'm bad at following all the little social norms (when to call, talking too much, not remembering special occasions, etc.)

I'm married, but beyond that I have never had what I would consider a real friend. I've always thought I lacked the ability to form bonds to people, and that I never experienced loneliness. But then a few nights ago I had this massive epiphany where I realized I actually am very lonely, I just don't feel like anyone like me exists. I want a friend that shares my interests, but they are so specific that I've never met anyone else that has them. They also change every few years, so I'm not sure how that would work anyway.

It's hard to be interested in a friendship when I'm know it's socially unacceptable to talk about my interests with that person. It makes me want to hurry up and get the interaction over with so I can get back to what I want to be doing. I wouldn't mind doing what someone else wanted so much, if I got a turn, but I never do. Really it would be ideal to share an interest with someone. I have no idea how to find people like that though. I even spent a few hours online looking for forums, but they don't appear to exist.

This whole realization has been very strange for me. I'm 32, so it seems like I should have known I was experiencing loneliness prior to this, but I didn't really have anything to compare it to.

Thank you for posting this topic.

This is a rather helpful realization; I, too, can relate to this. Thank you for sharing.