Another update regarding project

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Hi:

I had recently written about someone who had blown me off with a list of excuses after deciding to make a commitment to me and not carry through. They basically kept stringing me along with making and breaking me promises that they could not commit to a project due to financial troubles and etc.

I spoke to another close friend of mine who also happens to have him on FB and it turned out that my friend and the other person spoke behind my back that they were mad that I did not do the project their way. They had also approached me about the idea of doing this project together. So I put out my ideas and they seemed fine with it. They wanted me to talk about living with Autism and all that jazz for this project. Yet they did not even bother to come to me about they really wanted but had the guts to tell my friend behind my back about what they really wanted of me.

A part of me feels bad that I did not give them what they wanted and the other feels like I am supposed to be this gullible people pleaser just because I am on the spectrum. I also feel like people want to use me for their own benefit because I have ASD.

As for my friend, I am not in anyway mad at him for telling me the truth on their behalf. I think it was the right thing to do since cues are so hard to read for us and especially when someone does not tell you what is wrong.

I am also not in anyway mad at what they wanted and expected of me which is fine. What I did not like was the fact that they lied to me on several occasions and again could not bother tell me the truth.

So how do I handle my anger with him and how do I handle people like that? I promised not to tell this person that my close friend and I had spoken.

If you tell this person that you are angry, there is no way to explain why you are angry unless you break your promise. On the other hand, if you don't tell this person how you feel, you will be guilty of the same thing they did to you (minus the talking behind their back part). If you want people to be straightforward with you, you owe it to them to be straightforward yourself, and it sets a good example for them.

If I were you, I would break the promise (explain to the friend you promised first), tell this person who was doing the project with you how you feel, how you found out what happened, and explain how much it upsets you when they hide stuff from you, and that you don't want a relationship like that.

My close friend told me not to tell them that I had spoken with him. Do you think I should listen to him or be open and honest with the other guy anyway? I have to admit that I am scared.

I think honesty is always the best strategy.

I did end up calling them on the carpet but they did not seem to want to admit the truth to me. Instead, they kept insisting that the project is postponed due to risks of losing their wife, their house, their career. They also tried to deny that they had even spoken with my friend by saying that they don't know them.

I just decided if they were going to act like that then it's not worth it.