Fed up as all hell with neurotypical stupidity and ignorance

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(Note: I looked before posting, but I could have missed it. If there's already a thread about this same thing that I missed then please tell me.)

How does everyone else handle the incredible idiocy and extreme ignorance of neurotypical people? I feel like every average person redefines the word moron! Anytime I tell people how I feel about something they do that bothers me, it boomerangs on me. It either goes in one ear and out the other, or they ass kiss and say it's no problem, then when it gets hard after a (REALLY) short period of time, they get angry at me and blame it on me. I'm only thinking of my own damn sanity! Why is it so hard for people to understand being different!? It's not blasphemy and it's not something we can change by rubbing a lamp and having a Genie pop out like Aladdin! How do you all handle it when it gets overwhelming? When you get sick of people asking you "what's up" or "how are you"? Or any other stupid, pointless question (or greeting) that people ask day in and day out? Or when you feel like they should have half of an ounce of common sense about something (such as someone's feelings) and don't? I just don't understand how people never think! Especially after an unpleasant situation that involves two or more people. You can't just keep repeating the situation over in your head going "it's their fault. It's their fault. It's their fault. I dunno why but, it's their fault." or anything else that people seem to think that screams ignorance and obliviousness. It blows my mind how little some people truly think. I feel physically sick from being so angry and fed up with it all. Any help at all is greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance as well for taking the time to read and reply.

I think i get what you're saying. i've often been in situations where a group of people preferred to pretend to like each other or agree and then lie, rather than just say what they're thinking. I definitley can't mind read, but i know when something's up and it involves me and I can't figure out what it is. It makes for a viscious paranoid cycle.

since most of the time, these kinds of things happen at work or with neighbors, I have found that the following help me a lot:

1) Find more like-minded/borderline Aspies or just plain wierd/ socially odd people to be around. Even if just in the same room, like at the library.

2) Spend some quality time alone, just "nerding out" on whatever interests i have that i usually can't share with the NT's I work/live with.

It becomes really tricky if I have a tough day and tantrum in front of people out of frustration. i haven't yet figured out how to deal with the fall-out other that to quit my job, or avoid socializing altogether!

Hope any of that's helpful

Well, you could look at it in this way: Reasoning might not their strong point in general - emotions get in the way alot more , maybe there is something they can do better then I can?

I found peace with this knowledge:
I can be angry on them for not reasoning like I do, but it has no use since they reason differenly then me. Since they are not going to change the way their thinking and neither am I (since this way of thinking works for me), I'd better find a way to live with them by supplementing eachothers less stronger points with our stronger points and taking eachothers strenghts to compensating our own lesser ones.

You can ofcourse try to make them autistic or become neurotypical yourself - but the trick lies in a little give and take. You learn from them and you offer your strengths and vica versa.
I recommend taking initiative since group mechanics prevent most from doing so.

The toughie is maybe the need and offer ratio - the offer precedes the need, your usefullness is visible after seen what it's without. But that's the challenge in it for us autists .

Cheerfully,
Wallourdes

Stop telling them. They don't care. Has it ever worked? Not for me -- not really.


Because it threatens them. Unpredictability is a very uncomfortable place for people to be. So, they do *something* to gain control of a seemingly out-of-control situation. They pretend it doesn't exist -- your "in one ear and out the other" example; or they placate -- your "ass kiss and say it's no problem" example; or they lash out -- your "get angry and blame it on me" example.


Peacefully and unceremoniously remove myself. I can handle most things -- but only for so long. Then, it's time to take my leave.


That can't be your biggest concern. Maybe let that one go and focus on bigger-ticket items?


*This* is one of those bigger-ticket items. Sometimes you need to speak up for yourself and let someone know that what he just did or said was not OK -- and why. After that, you become powerless. It's important to understand what you *can* change and what you *can't*. Work on the things that you can, and let go of the things that you can't.


I'm not so sure why you feel compelled to understand that. I agree it's a fact -- more with some people and less with others. And I include myself in there, too. (I don't include you because I don't know you. You may *always* think.)


Actually, assigning blame -- no matter how right I feel I am -- rarely does anything for me. I can walk around with the most toxic feelings toward someone or something, thinking that somehow I'm getting revenge or whatever, and in reality all I'm doing is making myself more upset and miserable than I already was.


That's a pretty sure sign that you're taking things too far.


For starters, can you try to "right size" some of this stuff? Again, I don't know you, but I have a feeling that not everyone and everything in your life necessarily sends you into an uncontrolable rage. I'm sure some people and some situations do. So, avoid them. If they're having that effect on you, then you're not able to handle them (at least not right now). The ones that just mildly annoy you? Take them on -- in small doses -- and when you've had enough, retreat for a while. Unwind. Reassess. Was it really *that* bad? Was it really a "9" or a "10"? Or just a "3" that you blew out of proportion? There's no requirement that you go to some extreme or another in response to *every* situation. You can train that out of yourself once you know that it's what you're doing. Is it what you're doing? I'm not sure, but it does sound like it. I'm trying to help, and I'm speaking from personal experience, here. I used to think that absolutely everyone and everything had to be experienced with INTENSE emotion and deserved some GRAND response -- for better or worse. But, in reality, very few people and things need or deserve that level of attention and reaction. When something that infuriates you happens, try stopping and thinking about how you're going to feel about it tomorrow or next week or next year. Depending on how that analysis comes out, you can decide on an appropriate level of reaction.

It's one of the ones that tends to get on my nerves after a while. My life lacks in a lot of areas. Overall I'm extremely unsatisfied with it. I've spent a lot of time working my ass off to try and improve it and improve myself in a lot of ways but I've learned that it's going to take patience more than anything. Every time someone asks me how I am or "what's up" it's a sore reminder of everything I have to experience everyday. Especially when I see people who I haven't seen in a while (mainly family) and they ask "So what've you been up to?". I'd love to verbally b*tchslap them to get my angry feelings across to unburden myself, but I don't and don't plan to.



I have to do something for the sake of my sanity. Especially on those bad days where I just don't feel like dealing with certain things or people. You know what I mean? When you wake up irritable and just thinking about something in the day makes you wanna smack someone. I actually stopped telling people tho except for VERY rare occasions.

As for clarifying or "right-sizing" everything, I can do that. I've learned a bad habit of speaking somewhat obscurely from past situations and still tend to from time to time. You're right tho! Not everything and everyone sends me into an uncontrollable rage, that just happens on the particularly bad days when I'm not in the mood to deal with the same bullsh*t over and over again. Avoiding those people has presented itself to be a pain in the ass at certain times, especially when one of those people is my dad. He's an extremely confusing person and frequently gives out mixed signals with almost every thing. He's made being different a gigantic pain in the ass and added a ridiculous amount of pressure on top of it all. If I actually confront him about it (whether in a mean or nice way) he'll deny it and claim to be supportive, but his (other) words and actions show otherwise. He's never accepted the fact that I was or am different or the fact that I've been medically diagnosed with several things and he thinks it's all in my head. A good portion of the stuff he does (even unintentionally) get on my nerves more than anything. For intentional and unintentional things, I've built up a lot of resentment towards him.

Someone else that (up until recently) has made everything a Class A ROYAL pain in the ass is my ex-girlfriend. I stopped talking to her almost completely after we broke up because I had built up too much resentment towards her as well. Thing is is that I've put in 300% effort to try and accept both her and my dad for what they are. It never once occurred to them what I went through from THEM. They think it's rough? They should take a walk in my shoes and see what I went through and never ONCE said a word about. I could write a horror stories.... (Not literally, just some humor to add effect). I have years of feelings built up from the both of them that I cannot, for the life of me, let go of. Years of my dad's ego and control issues, of his ignorance as to how I felt when he said or did certain things, of the stupid pressure he put on me for things that I was incapable of doing and still am. I love him but at the same time I wanna scream at him, lunge, and beat the hell out of him and get all my feelings out and make him feel an ounce of what he made me feel. Kinda contradicting tho huh? He's a good person, people like him, but if you're someone like me who's not neurotypical, you'll wanna not be bothered with him. So pretty much, just to summarize, I find him to be a big pain in the ass.

I feel like the only way to make myself feel better would be to smack or hit everyone that pisses or has pissed me off.



It's not that I feel compelled to understand it, it was more or less a reference at calling them stupid for not ever taking someone else (me) into consideration with what they do or say. I consider myself a deep thinker. I do a lot of thinking for a lot of the day. I think about people, myself, life, actions, cause and effect, and all the deeper aspects of life and people. I think about every minute detail that comes into play just for something simple. Most people don't and don't care to.

Deep down I don't feel like people should just be able to get away with something just because of a lack of understanding or lack of awareness. I've yet to see any consequences happen to them because of it but I'm also not in their shoes and I don't live their life. If they put me through hell continuously, even when I feel like I'm past the point of snapping, I feel like they deserve to feel it a million times more, until their legs buckle from the amount of pressure and feeling of the weight on their shoulders. Then I'd say something like "sure sucks doesn't it? How do you think I felt?" Then I'd throw another 2 tons worth of bullsh*t on.

Whoa, you seem to have a lot of unhealthy anger there. I think reevaluating the situation with less hostility might be a good place to start. It seems that a good deal of your coping mechanisms are centered around violent fantasies; this is probably not a good thing . Violence is something of a last resort and you as a deep thinker should, one recognize this, two consider alternatives (possibly reach some sort of practical compromise or avoid the situation altogether) and be able to produce some sort of preferable outcome.

Not to make light of your adversity (the extent of which remains unknown) but you can’t expect people to acclimate their behavior to your preferences simply because its convenient for you; you do realize this is what’s happening to you, that people have expectations of you, but for whatever reason you don’t conform. You then turn around and demand the very same thing from them that you refuse to give, this seems like projection. You may be the victim of some shunning by your peers and family as a consequence of your attitude toward typical social interaction. I think this might be causing some internal strife resulting in your lashing out; proclaiming the people around you are horrible as if they were some sort of draconian dungeon assailant.

You live at home at the age of 20, there’s nothing wrong with this but it’s not unreasonable for your dad to have a few conditions or demands. I would suggest maybe going above and beyond a few of his expectations occasionally; at the very least this might get him off your case. You know your situation best; act according to what you think will bring about the most preferable outcome. Being cynical and melancholic is a good way to vent disappointment but not particularly advantageous when seeking realistic solutions.

I've had severe anger issues ever since I was around 7-9 years old and they've been a huge thorn in my side. I feel like I have to keep bottling them up because to let them out would be going into vigilante mode. I don't know of any other way to get rid of them other than actually letting them out. I can soothe the feelings most of the time when I have them, but I feel like I never actually let them go.

Also, what do you mean by practical compromise?




I don't conform because I'm not able to. My dad expected ridiculous things from me. (Ridiculous being my own opinion here). They're completely fine and realistic for someone that's normal/regular. Here's an example: I also have terrible anxiety, especially while on the road and still have no tolerance for people there either. I had to stop driving because of it. Even minor driving like to the store and back was proving itself to be more than I could handle at that time. My dad knew I had anxiety (tho it's one of the things I believe he doesn't accept), and he knew I had issues with people on the road and with driving. However he was still a pushy pain in the ass about it. Good intentions, but if someone has anxiety and can barely function on the road, why would you keep pushing them to go through that mental hell? Possibly in hopes that it'll magically disappear or the person will find a way to handle it. Thing is, my feelings don't just disappear and never have. I don't know how to put certain feelings aside and say to myself "Welp, it has to get done so I have to do it and find a way to get through it as I do it." Even considering that option when I feel angry or overwhelmed fuels that raging fire even more.

I'm always the first person to start beating myself up when I can't do something. I hate wanting to do something and not being able to do it, so I start analyze the situation and myself from every angle I can and then I come up with a million and one ways to do it as well as a thousand positive thoughts to help coach myself along through the rougher periods when I get discouraged. Believe me, I'm creative when it comes to doing things because the typical, simple ways don't work that well for me.

Normally I'm the first person out of anyone else to accept someone for who they are. I do my best to let people have their own states of awareness (but it might not seem like it at the moment) and have their own thoughts and such. I just want to be left out of it. If I'm not able to be left out of it then I'll try and do my best to handle it in a positive way. When that doesn't seem to work, that's when I start getting angry. I find it absurd that I have to suffer because someone else is the idiot, especially when it's over something minor. Especially considering the fact that anytime I get the chance to be supportive for someone else, I do it. I put my best effort forth for that person and I don't expect a reward for it. The only thing I want to do during that time is do my best and let the other person know I'm there for them; and help if I can. I believe I deserve the same in return.

I guess they must get by simply because breathing is automatic.

Life evolved from a few simple responses into a very complex system that runs on hard-wired instinct. Logical thought, as we know it, is a pattern that can occasionally arise in a large brain that uses symbolic language. It is very good at science, but far too slow and limited for daily use. You can tell people you have cancer, or that your house just burned down using a bright and cheery tone of voice, and they will assume that you are fine, ignoring the words.
Most people are only familiar with logic as a rhetorical style, and as one-step connections used for rationalization from any random premise. They barely understand the variations in NT minds, and have no clue about AS. If they do happen to know one aspie, they will expect you to be different in the same ways.
I always assumed that people would see the logical corollaries of their statements, but I was wrong. We hear about famous aspies who were a boon to progress, but most of us land on barren soil and are never heard. One guy inherited enough money to pursue his interest in science, and managed to make some small contributions, but most of his notebooks were only understood in retrospect, after centuries of other people independently discovering and patiently explaining new branches of science.

At the moment in my life I am dealing with extreme NT stupidity and moronic behaviour. Too many mistakes and a complete lack of help have led me down a dark path. I won't ever be as normal as I was before, its too for sorry's. I have actually hit the mattresses - gone into high conflict mode where I am going to have to step in and deal with things directly. I told people not to let me do this, but NTs will push and push and push and then CRASH!

Life evolved from a few simple responses into a very complex system that runs on hard-wired instinct. Logical thought, as we know it, is a pattern that can occasionally arise in a large brain that uses symbolic language. It is very good at science, but far too slow and limited for daily use. You can tell people you have cancer, or that your house just burned down using a bright and cheery tone of voice, and they will assume that you are fine, ignoring the words.
Most people are only familiar with logic as a rhetorical style, and as one-step connections used for rationalization from any random premise. They barely understand the variations in NT minds, and have no clue about AS. If they do happen to know one aspie, they will expect you to be different in the same ways.
I always assumed that people would see the logical corollaries of their statements, but I was wrong. We hear about famous aspies who were a boon to progress, but most of us land on barren soil and are never heard. One guy inherited enough money to pursue his interest in science, and managed to make some small contributions, but most of his notebooks were only understood in retrospect, after centuries of other people independently discovering and patiently explaining new branches of science.

Notice how when you really try to make sense of the senseless, you start to feel and act crazy yourself. Life is a series of lousy compromises. I think the trick is to ignore almost everything, and focus where you can make a difference.

I don't know I've come to the conclusion that you can't trust NTs. They act like they are perfect and have no flaws or failings. When they ask "how you are doing?" the response they want is "I'm fine thanks how are you?" even if you've just been hit by a bus and have been hospitalized with the plague for three months. They don't care how you are actually doing they wouldn't care if you dropped dead in front of them they just want to feel and look as if they care.

On the subject of having friends I would dearly love to have one friend that I can go to coffee with or perhaps shopping with but that is never going to happen. I can count on one hand the people in my life who don't feel entitled to treat me badly. People that everyone says is nice, sweet, or uniquely wonderful someone who has a reputation for being a saint won't hesitate to treat an aspie badly b/c they always find a way to justify to themselves that they are superior and you are (to their mind) inferior and thus unworthy of being treated in a kind and humane manner. Sort of like animals sometimes will ostracize and abandon the weak(to their minds)

I'm tired to the bone and at this point in my life I think why bother.......most NT never grow beyond the level of middle school or high school they assess others by the following 1. Appearance 2 Material possessions 3 social skills
So if Sally who barely got out of high school and has the intelligence of an ant applies to work at a job and so does a neat professional but socially inept/poor/and out of fashion Aspie applies guess who gets the job. Sally b/c who cares about appointments her dress shows off her legs and behind and she always looks great. I have just joined a new church moved to a new city and would like very much to have friends. There is a big housewarming party in my Sunday school class I've decided not to go.....why? What would be the point.......no matter what the social outing nobody wants to talk to me or deal with me. I'm tired of endless rejection and painfully realizing hours later that I've failed again. Oh I'll do what it takes to get a job and keep a job, help my kids, and maintain my marriage but having friends? no

Going out other than school, work, food/clothing, stuff for the kids, and the other bare minimum I no longer wish to deal with it. I sincerely wish there was an island for Aspies/Auties and that we all of us would contribute and then buy our own island that we could either live on or vacation at.

Amazingly, I've been treated pretty cruelly by NTs EVEN HERE. They can drop the "you guys are such a cute little social experiment" B.S. instantly and come down on Aspie behavior *very hard*. I truly question the motives of most of them here.


Would you please come and post to a thread on exactly this that I started here: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt142648.html



I made precisely that same suggestion a few days ago in some thread or another. What a huge disfunctional mess that would be! But, at least it would be *our* mess.

If everyone says NTs have empathy and can know about other people's feelings and emotions, then how come they are so ignorant against how people like us are feeling?
How come it's ''normal'' for people to be like that?

Most people can only imagine other minds that are similar to their own. We all get lots of exposure to NTs, but little practice on aspies, and the aspies are as different from each other as they are from NTs.