Social anxiety and Asperger's feed each other

Post Reply New Topic

If you have social anxiety as well as an ASD, do you find that they both feed each other? I think having Asperger's without social anxiety might be less strain, as there is an Aspie at work (2 years younger than me) who doesn't seem to have social anxiety with it. He isn't afraid to speak up in groups or start conversation (although he does do a lot of social faux pas). I'm only afraid to speak up in groups because of fear of not being heard or somebody more louder than me interrupting me and then me feeling silly or something.

Social anxiety feeds Asperger's Syndrome because being afraid to speak up makes me quieter, which then gives me less opportunities to practice how to communicate people in more ways, beyond just having easy small talk with one other person (which is what I find easiest). Social anxiety also makes me nervous and timid, like I'm standing on a diving board forever, wanting to jump in but being too afraid to, and then when I do jump I do it hesitantly and then fall at the water at an awkward angle.

Asperger's Syndrome feeds social anxiety because with Asperger's you are more likely to fail socially - which is what I'm afraid of. It makes life a battle. But it doesn't stop me from wanting to interact with people. I desire social relationships just as much as the next person.

Then this leads to isolation and loneliness - then depression.

This is not a rant, just a general thought what might be interesting for others with the same sort of issues as me.

in that case i'm a hungry hungry hippo

Dismally have to confirm the anxiety is well justified. Very timely to read your post.

At this moment I should be in a meeting, which I have left furious, after an autism worker who I have usually trusted jumped to a wrong assumption that a 1 sentence point I was making was going to continue into a long monologue, and cut it off not completed. By it affected the meeting's mood in a way that frustrated other aspies too, by depriving them of being allowed to ask the questions they instinctively needed to ask during a complex presentation, without asking which they were going to fail to follow it, lose their thread and concentration and not draw the intended benefit from it. So messed up everyone's evening.

I think there will be folks' aspieness entrenched more deeply by it, folks' confidence to speak up quietly dented by it, and their feeling towards coping with meetings all made worse. This in a meeting that someone already affected by such issues had PM-ed me about.

It's fair to say that asperger syndrome can often be the root cause of social anxiety. You naturally struggle socially, can't get the jokes etc, and when you try to mix in you're not responded to favorably and therefore shyness and anxiety kicks in. Confidence comes from having had success, doing something bold and finding out you did it well. Shyness can originate from persistent negative social feedback (sounds pretty technical lol )

In order to tackle social anxiety it is important to firstly recognise the cause of it. I'm not saying its definitely aspergers or as described above but I think usually this sort of thing will be a factor. Then to get some confidence, you need to get start taking little steps out of your comfort zone, just one thing at a time, and make steady progress. Talk for just a few minutes longer than you feel comfortable with doing. Talk just a bit louder. Show that little bit more interest. Or whatever it is you struggle with.

If you try to fight social anxiety by taking a giant leap you'll setting yourself up to fail, but if you go about it my taking small steps you'll start to think 'this isn't so bad' and your confidence will grow. Of course it's important no one fights this alone. You need to know what it means to be socially attractive and have some direction.

I'd rather be hesitant and quiet and thought of as shy, than talkative and obnoxious and be thought of as a douche.

I have been knocked back socially a number of times, as a child and a young adult. It's usually over the same things, I've either had ''we wasn't talking to you!'' yelled at me for trying to join in a conversation, or ''you're always complaining!'' for trying to express my feelings when feeling anxious and stressed. And yes, I do have a tendency to complain more because I get stressed that much more than others, but yelling at me about complaining doesn't make me complain less. Being reassured and included does stop me complaining. All of those have knocked me back, and so now I am afraid to join in group conversations and express my feelings too much. I have also learnt that if people were a bit more tolerant, I might be able to fit in easier then become confident as I go along.

But they aren't, so you'll have to find a different way.
Or different people.

Absolutely.

SA is by it nature cyclical in nature. So naturally part of that cycle with be your SA, and probably part of the reason why you got hat way were driven by you AS, or social misunderstanding or impressions.

You will need to find the weaker chains the cycle to break them.

I'm going to tell you something really honestly: As someone formerly clinically SA with panic attacks the lot, and friends with a couple SA people, when we eventually got better we revisited a community meet of SA people. It was very an uncomfortable feeling of treading on eggshells, that we didn't want to repeat.

This is becuase SA people are extremely hard on themselves, and are also preoccupied with what others think of them. This is not a criticism, but stating a fact.

All I can say is you definitely can get through this. It might take some time and that is ok, it is a gradual path. I would recommend CBT to start with (though avoid those with elaborate analogies that are hard to relate to).

SA isn't about shyness. That is oversimplifying the issue. Some SA people are actually extrovert believe it or not. In fact if you are shy and content they you probably aren't SA.

Really stuff like this doesn't help getting over SA.

Human nature is what it is (an you aren't divorced from this nature totally) , but still, having these thought all the time about what people may think of you, or related behavior is unhealthy.

The best way is to think of people as self absorbed, as in they probably aren't think bad of you most of the time, becuase they are too preoccupied thinking of themselves

I'm self absorbed, so I'm not thinking of you most of the time.

Where are the different people?

(Referring to 1401b above.)

Last edited by tern on 15 Oct 2013, 12:45 pm, edited 1 time in total.

???