Anybody else feel the double standard?

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When we have strengths, some exceptional intellectual ability, we can't even mention it because "thats boasting" and "is wrong"

However, when we have weaknesses. poor at soicalizing or at sports, it's fair for other people to mock us, no one see's anything wrong with that.

I feel it more as if i accomplish something, if it has a minor error that they make a big deal over that error; or it is something i "should have done a lot earlier" or "it is nothing special, a normal person does it all the time". But if someone else does the same thing, they get loads of praise over it and any errors are overlooked.

Other area is if i goof up, i will get scolded while someone else won't (or get a far more severe punishment than someone else) for the same thing.

I do face a lot of double standards which really me up terrible, but at the moment I can't think of any off hand.

All I can think of is the ''damned if you do and damned if you don't'' (or ''you can't win'') situations. Like if I am certain somebody likes me and is interested in me and I show interest in them, I am then being too needy. But if I try to back off a little bit, then I am being too standoffish and rude. But that's another thing I blame myself for because I think ''well it's probably me not doing something right''. But blaming myself in situations like that isn't very healthy because it just makes my self-esteem ever lower (if that's possible???)

Sometimes I just think some people out there are too fussy with social standards nowadays. My mum says that back in the 60s and 70s when she was growing up, even the quietest or strangest kids at school were still included, and it seemed easier for socially awkward teenagers to attend nightclubs and not feel uneasy or left out. It seems that nowadays people are more shallow and less tolerant. It's such a shame.

"Blowing One's Own Horn" is considered bad form coming from anybody. It's one thing to know your strengths and to have pride in your accomplishments, but it's a fine line between acknowledging one's own talents, abilities and accomplishments - and arrogantly patting oneself on the back.

I think it comes down to the difference between self confidence and self compliment. It is a social convention that 'modesty precludes braggadocio' - if you rate positive assessment, that is an accolade that should be bestowed on you by others, not selfishly grabbed - kind of akin to crowning oneself king, rather than being asked to assume that authority.

So, in that light, it can be socially 'iffy' to talk too much about what you're good at, without at least acknowledging that you recognize your own limitations, as well. If others perceive you as thinking you're infallible, or deserving of adulation, they do tend to find that attitude offensive.

Mockery and ridicule, on the other hand, even though they are technically just as offensive, are easier to get away with, because they can be disguised as humor. It's too easy to dodge responsibility for that kind of cruelty by simply claiming "I was only kidding!"

It's sickening how shallow the world's become over the past 50 years.

I especially like the "no offense but" precursor people use when they mock.

"Double standards" are everywhere and have been around forever.
Its cognitive biases, everybody has them, no one can (or should) eliminate them all.


On a personal note, try to avoid absolutes like - no one - as in "no one see's anything wrong with that."
Because it looks like whining and is hard to take seriously.
Besides, YOU saw something wrong with that and must suspect that some other people do too or you wouldn't have written anything.

I can't tell you how many times I've called my dad out for saying something not nice and then adding "just joking!" afterwards, as if that made it okay.

I guess it is that we are expected to fit in and be able to do what everyone else does. If we can do more in some area's it's no big deal. But if we can do less it makes us slow.

Turnabout is fair play

"I'll be sociable in class, if you memorize the periodic table. You can't? Well if I can do it then you can."

Hmm... I wonder how well that would work?

I know I repeat this double standard a lot here, but it really has a point of what an unfair, ''you can never win'' double standard feels like, and it is so frustrating even just to read it, that it causes me to want to have a meltdown.

An Aspie is reading a book. An NT in the same room comes up and snatches the book out of his hands. The Aspie says, ''do you mind? I was reading that, you don't just snatch it away when someone's reading it! That's rude!'' And another NT comes up and goes, ''maybe you were hogging the book. Other people want to read it too.''

An NT is reading a book. An Aspie in the same room comes up and snatches the book out of her hands. The NT says, ''do you mind? I was reading that, you don't just snatch it away when someone's reading it! That's rude!'' And the Aspie says, ''it seems like you were hogging the book. Other people want to read it too.'' And another NT in the room comes up and goes, ''you don't just snatch something out of someone's hands. You need to learn to wait your turn.''

Or, if you really want a meltdown out of frustration, try read this double standard:

An Aspie is at a social gathering with an NT. The Aspie isn't having a very good day today, and is also feeling shy too. Another NT says hello to the Aspie but the Aspie doesn't respond, just looks at her and walks off. The NT with the Aspie says, ''I know it's not your day today but there's no need to be rude to people and expect everyone to guess why.''

An Aspie is at a social gathering with an NT. The Aspie tries his best to be polite and friendly to people even though he's feeling a bit shy, so he smiles and says hello to another NT standing near. The NT just looks at him then walks off. The Aspie is hurt and the NT he is with says, ''well maybe she's not having a very good day, or she might be shy. You need to understand that other people have problems too.''


And then people call Asperger's a blessing???

Preaching to the choir.

I just don't understand why anyone would prefer false modesty over an honest description of an achievement. Are people really that insecure?

It seems there are a lot of double standards depending on how popular you are. If the most popular type of kids in the class does it, it's really funny, but if the quietest or geeky kids in the class does it, it's weird. I think an intention is an intention, whoever does it. Why do they have to be popular to make something seem so funny, but it just takes a quiet or geeky kid to do exactly the same thing and they are being weird.

I remember when I was a teenager at school we were doing a lesson in a computer room. I wanted a certain computer so I could be next to a friend, but everyone had to sit at the desks in the middle of the room first, not near the computers. I knew someone (usually a boy) would steal my computer, so I logged on, got a Microsoft Word page up and wrote in big bold letters ''this is [my name]'s computer''. While the teacher was talking to us, someone pointed to my computer and spotted what I had wrote, and said in a critical voice, ''who wrote that?'' And a few kids looked at me with a hostile expression and one or two kids read it out, then I heard someone say, ''that's just sad'', in a critical way. Then I felt embarrassed and wished I hadn't done it. But, I tried to imagine how everyone would react if a more popular person did the exact same thing, for the exact same reasons, in the exact same classroom, and something told me that they would grin and think it's funny and admirable. I just know it.

I would love to be an outgoing, popular person. Wouldn't life be sweet? You do something so painfully idiotic, and everyone praises you for it.

Remind me of a Homer Simpson quote: "I'm not popular enough to be different"