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Keyman
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29 Oct 2013, 8:54 pm

What thought pattern do you use to handle eye contact with a person despite feeling like their eyes are piercing your soul? In other words how to keep eye contact despite not really fancying it.



LAlien
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29 Oct 2013, 11:18 pm

OK. You can either look at mouths (this is what I do; nobody can really tell unless they are trying to) or do 5 on, 3 off, 4 on, 2 off, and repeat. I only do either of these things when I am trying to make a good first impression or trying not to back down from an argument. :) Hope I helped!


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BuyerBeware
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30 Oct 2013, 7:20 am

That's good advice. Look-- look away. Look-- look away. Do this each time you speak, and each time they speak-- at least, if the speech is more than a word or two.

It's a pain in the neck at first. I don't remember how long it took for it to become instinctive (or automatic, like a habit-- because it's still not instinctive).

Combine this with looking, not quite at their eyes, but at their forehead, nose, or mouth, or at the wall directly behind and slightly (very slightly) to one side or the other of their head.

People who aren't watching-- closely-- won't know the difference.

I teach all my kids this-- all of them have issues with talking to the ceilling, or the floor, or talking to me while they're facing the other direction (probably because I am the way I am, they mirror it from me). It starts with, "You do not have to look at my face, but you do have to point your face in my direction. I can't understand you otherwise."

My 12-year-old (assumed NT) no longer has any issues. My 6-year-old (suspected ASD) can "fake" eye contact well enough to fool an ignorant evaluator. My 4-year-old (believed NT) is currently working on "Point your face in my direction."

My therapist has remarked, on several occasions, that my eye contact is very good-- she did not catch on until I explained the trick to her. The only two people who actually notice are my husband and my best (NT) female friend. They're both high-connection people who are extrememly sensitive to such things-- and all they can say is, "You make eye contact. But it doesn't feel, quite, I don't know, RIGHT."


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Aspie1
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30 Oct 2013, 7:27 am

You don't keep eye contact during the entire dance. Most songs are 2 to 5 minutes long, and that's an awfully long time to have someone stare at you. And you're not supposed to look at your partner; you're supposed to look where you're going. This is even true for stationary dances (where you dance in one spot the whole time), because the guy need to see if the girl has enough room for when he spins her. Dance floors are normally pretty crowded, so avoiding bumping into other dancers is just as important as dancing well with your partner, if you want to look coordinated.

The dance school I go to also taught me something called a "check glance". It means you normally look where you've going, but about once per measure (one repeating pattern of beats, like "quick, quick, slow, slow"), briefly make eye contact with your partner. The check glance accomplished multiple things: it maintains a sense of connection, it lets you see if your partner looks uncomfortable with anything you may be doing, and it gives you a quick opportunity to say something to your partner if you need to (because normally, little or no talking takes place during a dance).

Another word of advice: when your partner says "thank you" after dancing one song, you say "thank you" back. Don't say "you're welcome"; dancing is a shared experience, not a favor someone does for you.



Keyman
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30 Oct 2013, 8:35 am

I can keep eye contact quite constantly by using the fact that the eyes will perceive movement on the sides even though one can't see in the normal sense. And it's usually enough except for very crowded places to take a quick look at the movement direction to make sure there's space.

It's just that persons that aren't I-would-not-mind-to-sleep-with isn't comfortable to have eye contact with. So the question is then how to handle the uncomfort this causes.

It's much more attractive to keep eye contact. Girls find it a more appreciated experience.