How do you deal with physical confrontation?

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JanuaryMan
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29 Oct 2013, 6:46 pm

Today we had a Halloween karaoke for our local autistic group.
Some guy did a lot of a-hole things and was getting aggressive with people. I had to step in, even though he towers over me big time.
I didn't want to deal with it but I did it for the benefit of the group. He followed me to the bathroom a couple of times and wouldn't let it drop for nearly 2 hours.
The only way I could deal with the situation was to imply he either did nothing or I would do something. He was picking on old people for Christ's sake.

The thing is, where he was Asperger's as well but a more severe case, there was no reasoning other than agreeing with him until he shut up (which he didn't until I got my taxi).
At the end of the day, this was a physical confrontation. He was using his height over everyone and literally hunching over and standing against everyone to the point he was touching them, anyone who was talking to him. I felt I handled it the best I could, others felt the same and were very thankful, but I still don't know what the best course of action was.

How do you handle physical confrontations in an otherwise normal social environment, be it an aspie or someone else?



auntblabby
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29 Oct 2013, 7:22 pm

the first time he laid a hand on me, I would be in jail.



JanuaryMan
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29 Oct 2013, 7:29 pm

Do you know what the crazy thing about it was? It was over sandwiches. Yes, sandwiches.
The pub we hold our karaoke at for the group usually out of goodwill will make us a huge spread of food, no charge, off their own backs. It's really kind of them.
But this guy was demanding the food before it came out, then made it out that he wasn't. He ruined a night for nearly 20 people over something like this.

He got pulled up about it by the organizer and tried to browbeat the organizer for it, as well as women, carers and such.



auntblabby
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29 Oct 2013, 7:30 pm

too bad he could not have been forcibly ejected.



Thelibrarian
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29 Oct 2013, 7:43 pm

I agree with what Blabby says, up to the use of lethal force if necessary, though all violence should be avoided if possible. I think we have a moral duty to defend those who are weaker than ourselves from either verbal or physical abuse.

Maybe it's some kind of cowboy thing, but bullying those who cannot fight back is behavior I won't tolerate in my presence. I would ask you to consider the feelings of those old people who felt intimidated--people largely unable to defend themselves. Since all people are perfectly within their rights to do what it takes to defend themselves, the alternative is that people will either start getting CCL's and packing, or they will avoid those places where they don't feel safe. Nobody wants to be harassed, physically intimidated, or worse.

When I first took over my library, there was a bully who used to come in there and try to chase people off the single Internet terminal. He would stand behind them and make snide comments and veiled threats. I understand that growing up he was a decent fellow. But he suffered a head injury (diving), and became meaner than a snake.

I confronted him after I caught him bullying an old lady, and talked to him alone in my office, and threw him out of the library. Well, he became belligerent, and I called the police. It was a matter of staring this bully down and listening to all sorts of insults and verbal taunts until the police arrived. Although he never made direct threats against me, he was under indictment for threatening to kill a judge. I never heard from him again.



auntblabby
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29 Oct 2013, 7:44 pm

I wish I was man enough to defend other people.



DeviousDani
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30 Oct 2013, 3:15 am

If I was confronted physically I would just run away scared :batman: not very brave in a physical sense



psblyaspie
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30 Oct 2013, 3:27 am

As calm as possible. Usually try to convince the other party that it is not worth it. But I'm relatively small, and thankfully never had to be in a fight.



thewhitrbbit
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30 Oct 2013, 3:22 pm

Sometimes you have to use force. It's not pleasant and it's def not fun, but sometimes when you have exhausted all other options, it is the right thing to do.

No one can reasonably expect you to let yourself be beat up. When it comes to defending others, sometimes you have to do theright, but unpleasant thing.