How can i understand the difference between someone joking

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and being or someone being mean or sarcastic or something similar?

One thing I've learned from poker, it's not just a single action. It's more an overall pattern.

When people say something that, in content, sounds mean or strange but their body language, tone of voice, and facial expression doesn't match what they are saying - they are often smiling, have a positive tone of voice.

Example - my boyfriend often teases me about being a vegetarian because that's his way of being playful with me. In response - I will say "You suck!" or "You're the worst" with a huge smile on my face.

If those things were easy to figure out, we wouldn't have Aspergers

http://www.wikihow.com/Tell-if-Someone- ... -Sarcastic

http://www.wikihow.com/Detect-Sarcasm-in-Writing

http://www.wikihow.com/Respond-to-Sarcasm

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-a-Sarcastic-Person

This is something I struggle with too. The biggest giveaways I've picked up are a certain tone of voice and exaggerated facial expressions. Without those it's hit-and-miss for me.

My Partner, who has Aspergers, has exactly the same problem. I can say that sometimes she can tell when someone is being sarcastic but I think that has happened as a result of over sixty years of learning and not through natural recognition.

In support of what DeviousDani says it's an Aspergers trait and therefore something to live with.

That is too much of a generalization. We have problems in the same areas, but we don't all share exactly the same issues. Sarcasm is just one of the things we can have problems with. I for one tend to get it right.

I can almost always easily tell whether someone is joking, being sarcastic funny, sarcastic against me or intend to be mean.

I looked at your links, and the first 3 are obvious to me, and always have been, while IMO the last one, about dealing with sarcastic people, makes a problem out of a non-problem.

For me there are other social skills that are problematic. For instance reciprocity, subtlety, and understanding when someone is indirectly trying to get to know me and not actually asking about one concrete thing. And I can't read between the lines at all.

I don't know.


Sometimes I won't respond and other times if they're my friends I'll ask, "You're joking right?"

And then if I hang out with these people on a regular basis that use a lot of sarcasm I'll say to them, "Hey I have a lot of trouble picking up on sarcasm, can you make sure that you tell me you're just kidding" or "Don't get annoyed if I keep asking you if you're joking or not"

Everyone has gotten so used to me saying something along those lines that they'll always make sure they make it clear to me that they're just messing around.