building a family

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no, i'm not talking about getting a life partner and having kids.

i am, like many aspies, very lonely and have a hard time meeting people. i've developed the "oh hi nice to meet you" small talk skills over the years and can use them well when i'm in a good mood. but i have such a hard time making friends.

so why post this thread when there's a million posts on making friends? because what i really crave is not friends, but a family. a very small family of people i love who love me back. who have my back and i have theirs.

when i was married i didn't hang out with many people and there are problems with having one person at the center of your support system (because when you lose them, as i did through divorce, it's incredibly destabilizing). and i'm not upset i got divorced. it had gotten to be a bad marriage with no sign of working through.

but i miss so much that feeling of just having a place in this world. a home. i had a home. not the sh***y family i was born into, but one that i chose and chose me back, at least for a while.

now i'm so depressed and i do nothing with my time. i feel like i have nothing to offer. i'm so much higher functioning in a couple, but nobody understands my social limitations.

i guess losing my BF has really brought back up this feeling of having no place, no home.

i hope i make it to the shelter next week and the case worker there is good and it's not horrible with being around people all the time. i hope they understand and can accomodate my disability (not just aspie, but fortunately i have medically documented PTSD, panic attacks, etc.). i'm really hoping somehow this turns my life around. i can't see my future and i am so scared.

Life can be really scary when you have no one around.

I went through two situations recently that made me aware of how alone I am, so I can relate. also to being high functioning too.

I suggest finding a way to volunteer your time, even if in an animal shelter or something that does not cause ptsd.

Go for walks. A ten minute walk outside can do wonders for the soul and for your emotional levels.

Is there something you can tutor someone in? Or volunteer to walk dogs, if that is available.

But do not let depression set in without a fight. Keep fighting.

This touches the core of our exitance. When you have the foundation knocked out from under you, things can seem really bleak. I think this is why there is such a problem of military suicides.

I will describe what I have found from a Christian perspective. I understand that few like to hear anything about religion. I agree that most churches exist to get money and scold people. If you are not interested, please disregard my comments.

The Greek has two words for love, phileo and agape. Phileo is the word for natural affection (Philadelphia is the city of "brotherly" love). Agape is different in that it involves a choice. The definition given for this love in 1 Cor 13 is essentially selflessness. Selfless or sacrificial love is not something found very often. If one had a crummy family, it may not even have been encountered.

If you were interested in finding sexual assignations, I might recommend a local bar. If you want to find people who have the capacity for deeper love, you may have to visit different churches. You will probably find people to be mostly polite. Some can be confusing with an effusive type of superficial "love" that has no depth. However, if you are looking for those who have the capacity for real love, I would suggest looking at the pool of elderly women who seem ignored by most of the others. In this pool of people you may find someone who is capable of deeper love as well as someone who is also thirsty for someone to show an interest in them.