Does it help to be told you can make friends?

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I have Asperger Syndrome and have had numerous people, both in the professional realm and outside, tell me that I should not give up trying to make social connections.

Ok, I've lived long enough to know that when I try, I succeed temporarily and then ultimately fail.

Then when tough times come, I get even lonelier and try harder, only to find that people evaporate like quicksand. Ok, quicksand probably isn't the most appropriate analogy here, but that is the exact visual image that comes to mind whenever I try to reach out to people.

There are people who are not nice people, then there are others. I usually find that people have an invisible wall built around them that I can't climb. Anyway, my attempts at making friends have been a dismal failure.

Anyway, it seems to be the universal approach in therapeutic circles to remind a person of how much they have to offer other people, as a reason why they should not quit trying.

In some ways, that's really cool. It is nice to be built up and not shot down. However, it distracts from the goal I would really like to achieve, and that is, finding a way to be peaceful and content, independent of others' approval.

I have so many inner demons, which are the ravages of mental illness in addition to AS. It seems I should concentrate on becoming peaceful and content in my own head, without the additional shunning from others.

Anyway, I've digressed. My question is, does it really help to be told (by professionals and others) that you can make friends or be in a successful relationship if you tried hard enough??

Nope. It devalues any past failed attempts as "just not trying hard enough". I find that attitude demeaning and dismissive.

If I were you I would still try when opportunity presents itself, but enjoy the moments with the gravity of must make friends now. The seeking of inner contentment is separate, even though they may seem intertwined.

It doesn't help if that actually is not happening for real. It's like if you are being told: "It's going to rain" You look up at the sky every few while, and see nothing, and even if did happen, you wouldn't get a few drops, you'd get a huge storm.

At the very worst, it can't be untrue. Doesn't make it any easier though.

No. It's about as helpful as if I were to tell my music students "You can play the piano if you really try!" with no further instructions.

^

It makes the assumption that the only thing holding a person back is a string of bad luck which will clear up on its own. Many people may be having a temporary rough patch, or they'll develop an intuition with experience, but there will always be people who aren't and don't who are left wondering.

I don't think it's meant to be rude or dismissive, but at the same time it leaves a lot to be desired.