Why is it hard for us to make eye contact?

Post Reply New Topic

Is it hard for you to make eye contact? If so, why? I'm not really sure why I can't, it's just awkward for me.

I am much better at it than I was 5 years ago.

Tim

I can usually make eye contact with people I know. I still talk way too much and babble like an idiot though. With strangers though, I have to look away. If someone is walking towards me, my mind races thinking of things to look at so it won't appear that I am purposely avoiding eye contact. As a teen, girls always used to think I was staring at their chests when I was actually just afraid to make eye contact. Ironically (I think I use that word in all my posts here) I find eyes extremely sexy on a woman, easily my favorite feature on woman.

I find people’s faces to be visually overwhelming stimuli when I look in their eyes I’m caught like a deer in head lights and I can’t get free. Also it’s hard for me to focus both on hearing a conversation and seeing the person speak before me. If I have to focus on both senses I forget what is being said and lose reception like a dropped call.

I agree with the "dual input". I, too, find that if I look at the speaker I will get very distracted. I have often asked myself why I avoid eye contact, but there is no clear reason. It just makes me very uncomfortable, unless I know the person, or if it is a close relative.

It is hard for my to give eye contact, because I feel inferior to everone else, not to mention feeling intimidated.

It makes me uncomfortable because by making eye contact I feel obligated to say something, or communicate with the person in some way. If the person is a stranger I cannot make eye contact easily.

Same here.
I remember reading about a study that showed how among Aspies eye contact (or human faces? can't remember) triggers the so called fight-or-flight reaction, due to different neurobiological patterns.
I'm much better at it than I was in the past.
I think we should not bother too much about this issue anyway. I mean, if I have a job interview I try to make eye contact, but if i speak with someone at work or even with my "friends" I just don't care.

It seems to trigger my 'fight or flight' response and generally scares me because then they'll probably start/keep talking to me.

Edit

Beat me to it. For me it's mostly just eye contact because I can look at their mouths when they're talking.

Yeah, same here. I always find myself looking at people's mouths.
A friend of mine (the only real friend) who's into neurology and cognitive sciences told me that looking at mouths instead of eyes is a VERY tipical feature of the autistic brain

Really, if I'm not making eye contact, it's because I'm lazy. Or because, wven with as many social skills classes as I have taken or groups I have attended, I still don't get the point.

I don't know about whether the overstimulated theory or the fight-or-flight theory pertain to me.

Just looking at eyes, I lose my train of thought and feel completely overwhelmed. They look confusing and empty in the sickest and scariest ways imaginable. I don't know why really, but when I do force myself to look somebody in the eyes it reminds me of something cold and distant out of 1984 or Fahrenheit 451. Ugh, .

I know you've already been quoted a number of times, but I absolutely agree with you as well. While I am a lot better at eye contact than I was a number of years ago (and I'm not really sure how learned how to make, actually...) I am still far from perfect and very uncomfortable when I have to stare at somebody's eyes...

Metaphorically and literally, seeing the eyes reminds me that I'm being watched and makes me become self-conscious--at least more than usual.

This is certainly consistent with my subjective experience. To put it bluntly, my emotions tell me that if I make eye contact with a stranger, it will touch off an inevitable conflict in which one of us must die. Intellectually I realize this is unlikely. But you know how it is. Sometimes intellect rules and sometimes emotions rule.

Actually, what happens sometimes when I'm trying to force myself to look at someone is I'll avoid the eyes, but then my eye will be drawn to a blemish or cosmetic imperfection. I really don't care that this person has a pimple, but for some reason this is the natural resting place of my eyes, and I've got to be vigilant not to let it happen, because I know it's awful. So much easier to just look in some other direction.

Being drunk helps. But it is not advisable to be drunk too often.

It's interesting to note that my reflexes, which are completely counterproductive when dealing with humans, seem to work well with animals. You make friends with cats by looking into their eyes, and I do this automatically. With dogs, eye-to-eye contact is a challenge, and it's proper to avoid it. But if a dog threatens me, I automatically puff up and stare him down. (This is assuming I think he's merely contemplating attacking but hasn't absolutely decided to do it.)

If I get things wrong with humans but right with animals, doesn't this suggest my issues are more psychological rather than neurobiological? Although I guess I'm likely to have much more "hardwired" programming with respect to dealing with my own species, so perhaps the two aren't really in the same class.

Eye contact is staring into the soul of another person.

Eye contact is them judging you as their eyes leech in information.

Eye contact is a flame which burns

Then why does everybody's eyes look so empty.