How to get over loosing a friend - any ideas?

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Hi Guy's. Bit of a long post this one but please read it as I would appreciate any ideas or thoughts that you have on this.

Recently, I lost a friendship with a fellow Aspie that goes to the same college as me. The break down in the friendship was caused because I asked her out on the ninth of October and from then until about the ninth of December when she ended the once strong friendship that we had it just, disappeared. I have very few friends as I am not really a person for socialising and, it hurts a lot to know that it was my fault for the decline in the friendship, mostly because after I got rejected I went into an aspie overdrive mode and, to put it bluntly, became obsessed with her.

I am currently struggling to cope with knowing that she is gone and what makes it worse is that, because we have mutual friends, I see what our friendship was like on a regular basis reflected in her other friends. And it is not just their either. Most of the meltdowns I have because of it are because of simple triggers such as a song or words said in a random conversation and no matter what I try to do to stop it they just find a way through to hit me where I am weakest.

I just want the friendship back so much but know that if I try anything it will be taken the wrong way as most of my actions normally are. Normally I would have support but because of the Christmas holidays that is not available to me and I don't know how much longer I can cope before I finally break fully.

If anyone has any ideas to help me get over this or just to cope better until I can get over it in general please reply.

S.R.T

You never fail until you stop trying. Albert Einstein quote.

don't put any mortal upon a pedestal. no one person on earth has all that one thinks that one needs.

I wish I knew the answer. I've been trying for 3 years to get over my husband's rejection, but it's just really hard. The only tactic I can suggest is to just keep distracting yourself with other activities and interests, to keep your mind off it – so then at least you've spent your day doing things you enjoy, instead of dwelling on your sadness.

I'm sorry about your husband's rejection.

Thanks guys. I am doing my best to keep myself distracted but I am still getting caught out by triggers. I will just have to hold out until I can my support groups start up again so I can clear my head a bit better.

You're welcome.

Nope. I've lost friends in the past as well. The only thing you can do is wait. Wait for the time to go by

When it comes to losing friends, what I like to do is kick back and take it easy. For instance, if the weather is warm enough, I like to go swimming and if not, I like to go to an asian spa and relax. Other ideas include going to the movies, watching them at home and picking out some mild comfort foods without doing it. However, I do not know what will work for you since I don't know your interests.

As far as her rejection goes, you could look at letting her go in a healthy way by:
1. Going to see the counselors at your university. I do that when I enrolled in classes
2. You could also look at talking with a close friend who you feel the closest with that has that mentor type of personality.
3. Writing fake letters to her that never get sent and then destroying them.
4. If you have a belief system, prayer always works.

Don't
1. Retaliate by calling her up and yelling
2. Associate with your friends who associate with her or you will just make yourself upset
3. Don't turn to alcohol for comfort.

Thanks Summer_Twilight. Being an Elim Christian, I have prayed about this a lot and it is helping. I do a couple of the suggestions that you have made already (speaking to college SENCO, writing letters that never get sent). The only problem child of mine is, the people who have given me the best support and been the best mentor figure for me are those that are her best friends. Acting upon your suggestion about this, I am going to find someone else that is a good mentor figure after the holidays are up and hopefully that will help me get over this quicker. What doesn't help in a sense is that, within the time frame that I was friends with her, so much stuff happened that is impossible to overlook it is hard to not have to look back to find answers to things in the future

SRT

Don't fret, there is always a good reason why that door closed.

I.E-
I had a caregiver who used to take me to and from the bus whenever the family member that I was living with at the time would go out of town. This was because I was not living anywhere near public transportation. I made plans with them and slipped up in the process. They got so angry that they refused to work with me anymore. It was as if they went from being nice to nasty in the blink of an eye. They also humiliated me in public. For a while, I was angry, confused, and very hurt. I thought that they were better than that.

At the same time, it was all for the best. Not long after, I ended up finding my own place right on public transportation. I have not needed any providers or anything and I pretty much take care of myself. This was while I was pretty heart broken for a while because I thought they were a friend.

Coping:
1. The night of the let down- I beat myself up pretty bad by getting drunk and blaming myself. The provider was also acting pretty ugly and immature.
2. The next day, I did manage to call up a mentor and ask for their advice by explaining the entire situation. They responded by expressing to me that the provider had the problem and not me. I then said that I got drunk and that is when she told me, "Don't drink more, pray more whenever someone rejects you."
3. The next night, I stayed up and watched movies and cartoons all night. I was also thinking, "I never want to see that person again."
4. I got free counseling at school when I transferred to a major university and it helped.

My suggestion would be to minimize contact, out of sight, out of mind. Also, feel the feelings. It is a process. Under no circumstances, contact her. In time, it will go from a gaping wound to a faint memory.

Focus on yourself. Me, I've been cleaning more and exercising focusing on getting healthier. I'm going to movies and watching comedies. Try to find things you enjoy or have been wanting to do and go do them. It helps

Every time lose a friend, I like to make a list of bad things about them as a way to see it as a good thing they are gone because why need them if they were X, Y and Z and if they do X or Y or Z? So you're better off without them.

If there wasn't many bad things about them or none, then I am screwed.

^^^
that is a GOOD idea

I can see where you are coming from with that idea League_Girl but the problem is is that I am too good natured to do that and, because I still care about her, even if i did become bitter I wouldn't because she still is important to me and (because I have some old world values regarding honour and respect) it would tear me apart to do that too her