Recognizing that someone wants to interact.

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I realize now in the course of 24 hours that I've blown two opportunities for social interaction, both of which were initiated by the other person.

Hit Head Here! --> (+)

Yesterday during my afternoon science lab I was outside with the rest of my class down by the boat launch doing water quality experiments on the fox river. When we got done it was a long walk back to campus across the football (both american and european) and baseball fields. During that time my lab parter, who I never really talked to in a casual sense (he's one of those shy silent type NT's) tried to strike up a conversation with me.

"So, do you live in the dorms?"

Of course he lived in the freshman halls, I saw him walking that way after I left to go eat, but at the moment I failed to realize that he was trying to start a conversation, I just took his question as simply being a question and replied with a "yes". I said no more as I had my mind on food. I ate my dinner and got to my room when I sat down and replayed the soccer field scene in my mind

"So, do you live in the dorms?"

"Yes".......

It then hit me that he wanted to make conversation. I sat up in my bed and cursed a blue streak about it.

Tonight I was walking back from dinner, as I got up to the mall area between my dorm complex and the two that neigbhor mine, a female was sitting on one of the benches enjoying the nice weather. As I walked past she looked at me, I looked at her, our eyes meet, I felt frightened by it, but I managed to put on a smile.

And then the unexpected happened.... She said "hi" to me. This time I was not about to blow off a chance at interaction. So I turned around and said hi back. But I still managed to screw it up. As I talked with her, I was slowly walking backwards up the sidewalk back to my dorm. Our conversation lasted all of 20 seconds. I'm sure that more would have been possible. Our topic was the nice weather we're having for early april, something I could have monolouged about if I wanted to.

Hit Head Here! --> (+)

When it comes to social interaction, my mind seems to work on two levels, the level that occurs when I'm by myself visualizing a social situation in my head, and the level that occurs when I in a social situation where I have other live people to deal with.

The problem is that in my head, I'm flawless in performace. Of course I should be, I have 100% control over all the elements surrounding me in my head.

And then in when I'm in reality, I have near 0% percent control over elements in my surrounding, and then I have to divert precious mental energy to dealing with the surroundings, and my ability to preform socially goes down the crapper.

Hit Head Here! --> (+)

Way back in 1983 I had a dream where I was 12 years old. I wore a baseball cap backwards, a yellow t-shirt, and black cargo pants. I rode a BMX bike to the mall. At the mall I met my girlfriend and another friend.

The age of 12 came and went, it never happened. At least I had my dreams...

Hit Head Here! --> (+)

Bang!

I know what you mean.

My problem is maintating the conversation. >_<

lol@scoots

ohhhhh that dreadful 'lack of reciprocity'. I still find it hard after all these years, to recognise a social overture and respond to it, duh. They ask questions and I give answers, but I forget to question them.

[quote="Postperson"
Pileated woodpecker
Joined: Jul 10, 2004
Posts: 193
Location: Australia
Posted: Wed Apr 13, 2005 10:34 am    
Post subject:
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lol@scoots

ohhhhh that dreadful 'lack of reciprocity'.
I still find it hard after all these years, to
recognise a social overture and respond
to it, duh. They ask questions and I give
answers, but I forget to question them.
Back to top[\quote]

Reply from Ghosthunter...>
If only they had USB Ports and the words
were in data transfer text. Sorry, my
humormode isn't wired properly so I hope
you folks aren't offended, THIS IS A HUMOROUS
reply to a serious lack of recipicol situation
that you and I face every day, so with a smile
and a sense of humor, we do our best.

Scoots, I’ve been doing the same thing all my life. When I’m faced with an unexpected conversation, the simulations I’ve practiced become inaccessible. I may remember a few things, but soon it comes time for me to contribute and continue the exchange. When that time comes, too often all I say is, “well, have a nice day!” Later I will dissect everything I could have said and I obsess over these failed exchanges. In some cases, I will think about the event for weeks. Simulations have never helped me, yet I continue to perform them.

It’s nice when you meet someone who is adept at guiding a conversation. On a hike I took several months ago, I encountered a nice girl solo hiking. I didn’t expect to see anyone on the trail that day and I wasn’t prepared to talk. I figured that I would issue a generic statement about the weather or trail conditions and be on my way. Instead, this girl conversed with me for an hour. Every time I was about to go blank and run out of things to say, she would intervene just enough to keep my contributions flowing. I sure wish I could meet others like her! It is very rare for me to meet anyone easy to speak with, especially of the opposite sex.

I can start conversations fairly well, and I can join in perfectly. But, responding to a conversation starting statement always leaves me dumbfounded. I know what to say, but it never comes out. I just say "Hey" to people. Maybe it's because half the time I really don't feel like talking to the person. Other times, I just freeze up inside and can't say anything to keep it going. Rarely, I can respond the way I plan to, and keep a conversation going. But rarely never seems like enough.

People say "hi" to me, so I say "hi" back. End of conversation.

Wow, this stuff seems familiar.

I can't say "me too!" this time... For most of my life, conversations were to exhange knowledge, and acquaintances to do some concrete tasks. I can't recall having any dreams as Scoots described. When I talk with someone, I have big trouble controlling in real-time what I am saying, and often bite my tongue (alas, often after saying something wrong). I prepare short monologues on funny subjects to use in future conversations, but I usually find social interaction too unpredictable to prepare for it in advance.

Anyway, Scott, I guess that not everything is lost. Next time you see your lab partner, start talking to him. Prepare some short subject. If you happen to be hungry, it's even better: "I'm starving. Wanna join me for lunch?". (Hmmm... It's easy to give advice. I am too shy to invite people to lunch, unless I already know them very well. I actually did it once. 3 years ago I took courage and asked a girl to lunch. It was Saturday and we were alone at work setting up some servers. It seemed quite logical to go eat after many hours of hard work. I was rehearsing for half an hour, but still got very nervous. She said "Maybe some other time". )

I have that same problem as well. I tend to realize it when someone calls me by something other than my name.