Why are some kids more popular than others?

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Does anybody know the answer to this question? Do the popular kids know something that the unpopular kids don't know?

because they play a popular sports, football and basketball and their attractive too.
in high school the jocks are sports player, and popular girls are attractive.

In my experience, the "popular" ones got there by putting down people who are different.
In high school, I wasn't part of the "popular" group, but our group tended to be bigger (and more accepting) then theirs.
I was never willing to put down anyone, so unpopular I remained! I'm kind of okay with it if that's what it took to be popular.

There's more to it than that. I'd guess that it's a matter of having a lot of self-confidence, being original enough to stand out without being too far out there, talking to the "right" people, and basically putting yourself out there to be known and be popular. Also, there's a big difference between being in the most prestigious clique, and just having a lot of friends. Any Aspie managing the former would be pretty amazing, although possible, but the latter isn't as tricky.

My advice for being more popular would be this:

I won't tell you to "be yourself", that's so often used to justify not adapting or changing at all, but form an identity to use and don't compromise it much. Imagine making a roleplaying character based on yourself - someone kinda like you, but cooler.

You don't have to just tag along with fads. If you end up conforming to a fad unintentionally, great. If you can catch one forming, that could be useful, but it's not necessary to bother with it if you really don't want to. You shouldn't sound oblivious to them no matter what you do. Don't follow every single fad, ignore one occasionally.
Primarily for girls, since mens' fashion isn't as volatile: Don't try to dress in according to what's "in". If you run late, it's worse than having not tried. Dress in a way that's either quirky or hasn't been either in or out of style in recent memory.

Be someone people want to be around. If people are talking, join in the conversation. Don't just be the guy who sits there reading a book and is of no consequence. Help people when they need it, if you are reasonably able to do so (related: if someone asks you for a favor, pause and think for a moment, even the decision is easy, so you don't look like a tool. Don't, however, take this a step farther into verbally expressing reluctance, because then you risk making people feel guilty for asking). Don't criticize the topic of conversation. Even if you don't want to talk about football or American Idol, and have nothing to say, you should avoid stifling anyone else's discussion. Steer the conversation to something you know about (that other people know about, too) when discussion dies down. Be in a good mood as much as possible, even if you have to fake it. No one wants to hang out with a mopey depressed kid. If someone else is in a bad mood, just commiserate. They probably just want to rant and get attention, and aren't actually looking for help. Proper hygiene and such are necessary, as well.

Talk to people, a lot. You can't be popular if no one knows you much. Pick a few people either in a social circle you want to join, or some "unaffiliated" ones to start forming your own, and greet them almost every day. One day every week or two, don't greet someone unless they greet you first.

Look memorable somehow. Have an eccentric haircut, carry a distinctive bag, wear one thing that's kinda weird, whatever. As long as it stands out without being socially disapproved of. You can use special interests to your advantage here.

If I could go back in time and give my middleschool/highschool self one piece of advice it would be to find the other socially awkward "freaks" at my school and befriend them. Most of my best friends now went to highschool with me and graduated around the same time (we even had many of the same teachers and bullies.) However, we never really met each other since we were all so withdrawn..........

im gonna buy toffees tomorrow

i know someone who is popular where ever goes. he doesn't drink, he is an athiest and like punk music, but for some reason everyone, inlcuding me, want to be his best friend. he has confided that it sometimes is a bit much for him. It so much pisses me off. i just don't get it. maybe he has that face that is inviting

I've wondered this for years as well, but now that my four year old son is in school I think I may have figured it out.

Popular kids have the ability to learn social norms by observing others and then mimicking them. Unpopular kids lack either the ability,the desire, or the awareness of this process.

When four-five year old kids enter a classroom they look to see where the other kids are, and what they are doing. Once they figure out what the expected kid-behavior is, they then join in. When my son enters the room, he doesn't notice the other kids, but instead heads toward whatever catches his interest (machinery, paint, marbles, etc.) He isn't paying attention to the conventions, rules, or cues. He only joins in when made to, and then still doesn't pay attention to or copy the behavior of others. It doesn't even occur to him.

But the popular-kids-to-be are paying attention to each other. They size each other up, copy mannerisms and speech, and make each other the primary object of study. It's, I assume, what is meant when people say kids need to be in public school to learn social skills. But the problem is that the unpopular kids aren't learning these skills: they don't even realize they exist =[

It seems like some kind of instinct, or genetic issue since I have two sons and one acts like the popular group and the other doesn't, but they are being raised in the same environment. Or maybe it's just a question of different interests? One son finds people fascinating and the other finds shiny, metal objects infinitely better?

I imagine most people are capable of learning to be social like the popular kids, it just takes a lot of concentrated study. But then that means having to ignore other passions, and it's going to be extra difficult since the other kids have a head start.

Anyway, these are just my observations. I always thought it was my parents' fault I was so unpopular because they failed to teach me social skills, but now I can see that most kids don't need to be taught. They just absorb it from each other. I probably owe my parents and apology now...

I agree with aligerous - my siblings are masters of human relating while I'm one of the most rejected persons in the history of mankind. I believe my siblings were naturally born with an inclination to observe, grasp, imitate, select and apply what works with people, while I was born totally opposite.

My siblings have despised me since childhood for being such a complete loser at their best skill. They hate me for being my own person when their lives depend totally on their human relating skills.

Charm. Which is one of the many useful tools a person can develop when they have a Theory of Mind and empathy. It's the ability to make others want to be around you and comply with you because of how you make them feel.

Often charm is a survival tool developed early in childhood as a way to get attention from aloof parents who however respond positively to charm.

A charming person can be good or evil or anything in-between. Charm is a behavior and not a reflection of the soul.

A really talented charmer, especially if the charm is coupled with indifference to other humans' pain, can achieve any socioeconomic level they desire. They're sought, included, and offered opportunities that others can only dream of. It's the kind of people to whom the saying "can get away with murder" applies.