Anyone plan answers to likely questions, before socialising?

Post Reply New Topic

I know socialising is meant to be spontaneous and I don't mean making a detailed script of what to say in advance as that wouldn't work as I obviously can't control what people say back to me, or whether they bring up a topic I didn't foresee. However, since I struggle with formulating answers to questions on the spot when under social pressure, and also then worry about how I worded something or whether I accidentally gave a wrong impression of the truth as I panicked, I wondered if I could reduce my anxiety a bit by making a list of the general small-talk questions that I know come up time and time again. Or judge by the context of the event I am going to, what questions people may be likely to ask. So then at least with those questions I may be more confident in my response and not worry so much.

Does anyone else do this or anything similar?

I sometimes think of topics I would like to talk about with people before seeing them or entering a social setting, also try to guess their reactions on occasion -reminding myself they probably wont act that way.

Yes, I plan and rehearse the optimal way I want to say something or tell about something quite a bit. Especially now that everyone in my life now is a new person because I've relocated, so I've "got a lot of 'splainin' to do" even just about ordinary facts about myself or my life. I have failed in the past to say things precisely, so I practice the best way to say things just in case the topics come up.

Yes, I do this all the time. I'm 40, so I've developed a list of canned responses that I use. Some more successful than others. If all else fails, people are always willing to discuss the weather and how much they either like or hate it. You just have to agree with them. It's an ice breaker anyway.

I tend to rehearse if at all possible before a social setting, but it's more to help with awkward silences. Having a few interesting things I've come across or to ask about allows a sense of control and predictability. I feel comfortable playing off things like saying the wrong word or forgetting a word, which happens often.

For me, I used to think of the questions I should ask. It felt really unnatural. So, I decided to observe my former NT classmates in OT school and whoever I meet at OT conferences. Now, I am just relaxed and ready for whatever conversation come my way. All I really prepared for was knowing what environment I would be stepping in.

I think coaching can help with this issue a lot. After all, if you are confident in your social skills, I believe that more people would be willing to talk to you. At times, showing passion (or whatever appropriate feelings) can make you really look smart socially.

Thanks for your responses! Hearing them at least makes me feel like it is okay to do this, to make life easier for myself, it's reassuring to hear I wouldn't be the only one.

Fortran77 - Lol at the weather comment, that is very true. I always cringe internally when I hear myself attempting to respond about the weather, as I feel like I sound really boring and silly. but then I remember they were the ones who initiated a weather interaction so they must be fine with me replying with an equally pointless comment. So then I also feel cringey when I myself try making a weather comment to someone to try to be sociable, but I guess you are right that it is a good ice breaker and it probably doesn't sound odd to most people.