What does my dad mean?

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I asked my dad why one of my friends is not so nice to me anymore and he said "he's indifferent towards you because he has moved on"


In more depth what does my dad mean by that? My friend used to like me A LOT now I every time I try and talk to him he gets annoyed with me

He could be worried...he could be busy...or, sadly, he might really have moved on, which in short means that he's found other things to hold his interest.

Sorry if I bungled the definition...if someone else can help me out, I'd appreciate it.

He means that the friend has apparently decided that he has outgrown you and considers himself too mature to be associated with someone who (in his opinion) still acts like a kid.

Your dad may be correct in that assessment. Those of us with High Functioning Autism do tend to mature emotionally at a slower rate than others and even seem to stall out permanently somewhere around the 17 to 25 year old range and pretty much stay that age (emotionally) for the rest of our lives. It's no bad reflection on you personally, it just means that you and your former friend no longer think alike enough to have the same interests in common that you used to share.

Willard that is such a good explainantion. My mother has that problem and I have been trying to find a way of explaining to her. She doesn't understand why her peers - people her age - can't relate to her. They are heading for retirement, but she is still thinking like a person in that 17-25 year old bracket whereas they think in a more "mature" way and just dont get her perspective.

Willard, I think you have expressed it very well.
I feel emotionally like I am about 20. I am not even convinced that I am as emotionally mature as that. Maybe about 17. Though when I was 17 I think my emotional maturity level was more like that of a 5 year old.

Friendships are essentially constructs of convenience.

"What can you do for me?"

Everyone (including people with AS) do this.

The idea is for the relationship to grow into something deeper and less superficial. Most times, it does not.

This is what separates "friends" from "acquaintances."

Even then, "friends" can grow apart. Life take them in different directions...they hardly have time to spend together or even talk. Before long, they stop associating altogether.

Nobody really has to be to blame for this happening.

I have observed many people who have groups of friends that they have had for decades. It must be wonderful to have that. I wish I did.

Thinking about it, people have given me the opportunity to be friends with them. I think it is my fault, I think I am usually the one that drifts away and gets fixated on something.

As an example, I lost the few friends I had when I couldn't stop playing computer games for a few years. I eventually gave up the computer games but the friends had long since moved on.

Fascinating. Does this partially explain why we have problems connecting with our “peer” group?

When I was younger (say in middle and high school), I was always years behind in terms of emotional maturity. Now, at age 50, I am married and have two teenage daughters. Yet, I have ZERO friends who are married with kids (which would define my peer group). Interestingly, the two friendships that I have been able to maintain (with two individuals over 50, both whom I have known for > 25 years) have one thing in common – both these friends are also very emotionally immature.

I remember seeing friends growing up and I just didn't. They just left me behind. They went one way, and I went another.

It was probably one of the most difficult things for me to understand. It's probably the only thing that makes me feel really sad inside.

I think what everyone else has said is right.

Your post reminded me of my best friend growing up. He was my next door neighbor, a year younger than me. I admired everything about him. He was loud. He was social. He was brash. I was quite the opposite.

If I recall correctly, after he entered middle school, he became friends with a “clique” of other boys, who teased/bullied me. So, he decided to no longer be my friend. It made me sad. Thank goodness, he had the decency to not treat me that way (i.e. teasing me, bullying me). Still, it was sad to transform from friend to invisible so quickly.

Simply recalling this event and writing it down rekindles the deep emotional hurt I felt inside back then.

It is a horrible feeling, but at least it's nice to be able to relate to people on here about it.

I blamed myself about it for years until I realised that it happened to other people too.

I 100% agree. WP is my support group. Even if no one reads what I write.

+1