Why am I not feeling so upset?

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I was rejected by a close friend who I spent time with for six years. The truth of the matter too is that I thought she was a better friend in that she would always be loyal. When she proved otherwise, the evidence to my hypothesis was proven wrong. There were also too many variables proving that she was not a good or a true friend. One variable was that she was mean in so many subtle ways because she was so insecure and another was that she was not as interested in me as I was in her. A third was that she was drama too. Yet, it's like she is clueless to how miserable she makes others feel and the wonders why she gets rejected and then whines about it.

It was obvious that she had already rejected me because she had been ignoring me since New Year's of this year other than getting together once for tea. Even during the tea time she put on a front with me and acted pretty snobby. I had suspected that something was up when she was not returning my texts after that. So I sent an e-mail yesterday asking if she was mad at me and mentioned a few other things that bothered me without cutting her down as a person. That was when she made her declaration of rejection with me. She felt that we were not compatible for each other anymore.

Yes I had a few tears and felt angry with her but I really did not sink into any form of depression. It's not like she is the only friend either. So I talked to some other friends last night on face time for a while.

However, I really thought that I would be a wreck today about the whole thing but I am not. In fact, I am feeling really calm about the whole thing. This is even though I know I am going to miss her and called her a bestie. What I do know is that I regret ever trying to get to know her in the first place. That was a bad choice on my end.

Is it possible that you're not feeling as bad as you thought you would because you've been posting about this stuff frequently over the past few days, and people here have been helping you reach some closure on the subject?

I don't know how your mind works, but I get the impression that you are obsessing about this. Is there anything you can do to take your mind off of it? I think it could develop into something dark and unhealthy soon.

On a side note... Your avatar picture is so adorable, I laugh every time I see the pony trying to reach the cookie.

Okay I will take your advise about the matter. It is just that this is so new right now that I want to get it out. As for getting my mind off the situation, I have been working on it trust me.

There are also stages of grief, and being autistic doesn't mean you don't go through them.

One stage is DENIAL. You might still be in a state of shock over this issue and not processing it. In a week or so, you might start having deep feelings over it. That means you have moved on to another stage of grief.

Lots of people who grieve have a period of "numbness" where they feel nothing at all about the trauma in their life.

I was pretty shocked yesterday afternoon and evening. I have normally cried very easily if I have been rejected by someone. I know I did when a care giver decided to reject me over 4 years ago. Then again I normally go through the shock stage when someone who was there for me suddenly looses interest in me. At that point I think "I mean I thought they were better than that or that they were my friend."

Then again, I have been rejected so many times that I am starting to feel this stage of numbness even though I want to talk about something.

Hi there

I can think of two possible reasons for the way you're feeling right now.

Firstly, as others have said, you've had some time to prepare for this. Lots of us (including me) have been in the situation where we KNOW that something is wrong but we just can't figure out what it is, then suddenly the reasons for that uncomfortable feeling become clear. I suspect that this is happening because we are unconsciously responding to body language clues.

Secondly, maybe you've got used to it. I don't want to sound bitter here but I've lost count of the number of times I've been abused, used, hurt, disappointed and made a fool of until it just doesn't hurt any more. Think of it as the social version of shell shock.

You'll get over it, and you have all the folk at Wrong Planet who'll stick by you. Have a hug from me

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<BIG HUG>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I have been rejected and abused many times too. As for my friend losing her interested in me, I wondered if something was up back in late 2010 back when she got engaged to her husband. It seemed about every time we got together, she appeared to do things that made me upset. It then gradually became more apparent in late 2011 and started getting worse in 2012. I could tell by her actions that she was losing interest. For instance, other people appeared to be more important. It got even worse last May when she started making excuses. She also started losing her interest in what I was interested in.

The main reason she dumped me was that we are going off in different directions.

1. I want to learn and study math and physics and be more of a geek and try to turn that into a career.
2. She wants to learn but not turn her education into a career or be a geek. She wanted to get married, and go into ministry.

That is so she said.

If you are serious about math/physics pursuits, you should know that there are huge numbers of people who have the same interests/pursuits who would love to be your friends. You just have to go to more of the events that attract such people, and you'll have nothing to worry about.
Their idea of a fun night out is as varied as making mentos-and-coke rockets to measuring the moon's exact distance from your current location.

I know a bunch of ministry/churchy/religious types, and most of them believe that studying and intelligence and education is sinful and pushes you away from god, especially for women, so that could be a factor. A lot of the religious types I know even harbor guilt about their sinful pursuit of knowledge.

Then again, I could be wrong about everything, depending on your situation.... I usually get rejected before I am even accepted or even interested in being accepted. Is it better to have loved and lost than not to have loved at all?

I think it really depends on the ministry though. There are those that embrace education.

Regarding me joining things, I most recently joined an astronomy club at my university and went camping with them to a space observatory last fall. I felt like I could connect with each and everyone of them. I am also looking for some math meet-up groups for people who love talking math all the time.

It also dawned on me this morning that in terms of this relationship that the relation was toxic:

1. She really does not like me that much
2. When we got together, she would seem happy at first and then would appear to very quickly get board
3. She is not a very fun person to be around
4. She is also very insecure and seems to enjoy hurting others in very subtle was as a result.

I just don't need that.

I have an update on the matter:

1. I did go through the grieving process this year but it seemed like a 7 month longevity.

Here are the stages

- Bargaining paired up with denial and shock (Feb- Mid March)
- Depression (Mid March- May)
Anger- May-Sept
Acceptance stage

For instance I realized that she isn't the die in the hard cartoon fan that I am. Like someone said above there are plenty of groups that will be interested in doing experiments for fun. It sounds like I should be engaging with those people all the time. This is next to attending things for bronies and anime.

I think you said it early in your post - you saw signs early on that she wasn't returning your kindness.

She was snobby and patronizing when the two of you were out for tea, and the next 7 months you slowly realized she just didn't want to be friends anymore.

Now that it's official, it's not so hurtful anymore because you have already sub-conciously got over it.

I'm going through this right now. A former 'friend' hasn't made it official, but it's clear he doesn't want anything to do with me. I've accepted it and don't want anything to do with him either.

It just happens. Sometimes friends, even somewhat trusted friends, can just be a55e5.

I take that back she was not really patronizing. She was more superficial and snobby during that last interaction. Things were also really awkward. She also appeared to put on a show and sweep things under the rug.

As much as she pulled what she did and broke my heart I think I am better off in the long run. To be honest I don't really think she liked me. She was also jealous, mean, selfish, self centered, and superior to others. I also feel that it was cowardly to lead me along inside the tea shop like that by lying to me about her husband feeling out of place at my New Year's gathering.

I am thinking why do I need someone in my life who is just going to make me miserable because she feels that way about herself. If she tries to come back she's NOT getting back in. She's not worth it not any my time, period. There are too many other neat people out there. She's annoying and digusting.