Making friends outside of school
My parents told me a while ago that I really need to get out and socialise more, but I'm not sure where to start. I have a few friends at school, but hardly ever see them on the weekends/during the holidays. My mum suggested going to local youth events, but they almost always seem to involve music I dislike, and I joined a group last year related to my interest at the time but the members were far too old and the generation gap made it hard for us to relate.
I'm worried I'm the only teenager out there with my exact hobbies... I like East Asian culture, Korean pop music, videogames and computers, and have never met anyone into similar sorts of things. I don't know where to start looking for people my age who have non-mainstream interests.
I'm no longer an anime fan since I prefer Korea and China to Japan now. My school has nothing of the sort, and I'm happy about that since I dislike anime.
AardvarkGoodSwimmer
Veteran
Joined: 26 Apr 2009
Age: 61
Gender: Male
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Okay, so East Asian culture, Korean pop music, videogames and computers, actually those sound like some pretty neat interests. Now, it's unlikely you'll easily find someone with this exact spectrum, but you can probably meet some people with considerable overlapping interests.
The main coin of the realm in meeting people seems to be to under-try, to be open to appreciating the person from the get go, including their 'different' parts without making a big deal about it, still a series of medium steps. And if it turns out the person is a jerk, start to distance yourself. In roundabout fashion, you almost need to add one or two skills for 'de-peopling' and that helps to give an easy confidence about meeting new people.
Maybe if you get a couple of once-a-month groups going. But please understand many people attend groups almost like they might go to a movie, and meeting new people is just not a major part of their radar. So, I think the answer is to go with a light-touch and respectfully visit perhaps a handful of groups. And be pretty sure you want to do more before you volunteer. And volunteer in a series of stages, that you can help this Saturday, you'll have to check about next Saturday, this type of approach.
Billw1628
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Joined: 2 Feb 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 60
Location: California
I have the same problems myself- in terms of not seeing my friends on a regular basis (mine is because they are so far apart geographically). If you connect with them online in addition to school, I believe that's a start. However, do try something that might be outside your interest area once in a while. I think that's important because you might meet a friend who likes some of the things that you like, but also some of the things you dislike.
For me, I like to talk about autism whenever possible to my peers. But, there are times where I have to ask about things that they are interested too, whether in life or other disciplines in my field.
XJ220RACER
Snowy Owl
Joined: 5 Apr 2012
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 167
Location: Humboldt County, California
I think your age is part of it. Wait until college or whatever you want to do between the ages 18-25 and more opportunities to make friends, both through organized events and daily school/work will come to you. Are you really having trouble finding other Japan-lovers? Because I feel like there could be a huge supply of friends if I were interested in that...college is a lot more nerd/AS-friendly than high school and my school's clubs for your interests fill to the brim, from what I know.
I avoided clubs in high school because I was so desperate to get home every afternoon, but in college they're not bad. I went to the first meeting of the club for my major last week and got to know people over some drinks right away. It's also very easy to make friends with your roommates.
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I avoided clubs in high school because I was so desperate to get home every afternoon, but in college they're not bad. I went to the first meeting of the club for my major last week and got to know people over some drinks right away. It's also very easy to make friends with your roommates.
I'm no longer interested in Japan (my feelings towards it are bordering on hatred at the moment)... prefer other parts of Asia, but in general I'm having trouble finding people into what I like.
Tollorin
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I avoided clubs in high school because I was so desperate to get home every afternoon, but in college they're not bad. I went to the first meeting of the club for my major last week and got to know people over some drinks right away. It's also very easy to make friends with your roommates.
I'm no longer interested in Japan (my feelings towards it are bordering on hatred at the moment)... prefer other parts of Asia, but in general I'm having trouble finding people into what I like.
Why the hatred toward Japan?
I avoided clubs in high school because I was so desperate to get home every afternoon, but in college they're not bad. I went to the first meeting of the club for my major last week and got to know people over some drinks right away. It's also very easy to make friends with your roommates.
I'm no longer interested in Japan (my feelings towards it are bordering on hatred at the moment)... prefer other parts of Asia, but in general I'm having trouble finding people into what I like.
Why the hatred toward Japan?
Because my life was so oversaturated with it and I just want to move on. I'm sick of being known as "the Japan girl" and so on in real life, and just want to like different things for a change.
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I think there are an increasing number of people with those interests. The problem is congregating those people into one place. Each of these hobbies are things that people can easily do on their own, and when that happens it makes it more difficult to share the experiences with other people who may be interested also. It's one thing when everyone is listening to the same music, but it's different when you listen to artists you assume others haven't even heard of. I have recently moved into the realm of K-pop myself. I have met some people who liked it, but that was before I was interested in it.
There's going to be a very few people who have your "exact hobbies" and that's ok. I've never met anyone of the sort for myself either. Even when you meet people who like the same things, you may realize they like them in different ways than you do. I also wish I could meet someone to share my hobbies with. However, I've learned (or rather I'm learning...) not to look only for people who like certain things but also people who are simply open to me as a person whatever interests we may or may not share.
By the way, you have some great interests.
TheMighty_Moo
Deinonychus
Joined: 18 Feb 2014
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 318
Location: Chillin' in Turkey
Ah, well, this is what bugs me in summer. I don't really have a lot of friends at school, though there are some awesome people [like you guys!] who I met online in forums/pages about a common interest [like books!], or maybe people who I have something in common. But that doesn't really work every time since at that point my parents begin demanding me to go outside so I do. I go to a summer school, the kind which people only do sports in it, here in Turkey. It can get a bit tiring but it's really cool too hang out with some people. And I've met really interesting and extremely awesome people there. I met someone who loves books and someone who likes [Especially South] Korean art/culture/music/stuff like you do. They're both NT's but I can get along with them just fine. I don't have a problem with telling them that I have Aspergers but I didn't really need to.
Other than that, I guess you can arrange a meeting with people/your friends from WP. That'd be pretty cool.
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Luffy: "... Hm? ... Mmmm... I dunno, that's up to you to decide."
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Other than that, I guess you can arrange a meeting with people/your friends from WP. That'd be pretty cool.
I'd rather have friends without autism, because being with people who do have it only makes me feel worse about myself, as if I'm doomed to be forever stuck with the "loser" crowd. I honestly don't make online friends since I don't see the point and my parents disapprove. I'm only really on here because I need advice, not because I want internet friends. I'm only out about my condition with the friends I trust, since I told someone who later betrayed me and word got out around school and people started avoiding me. Sad, isn't it, but these things just happen.
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