How do I maintain social interaction with this girl?

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Chernobyl
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14 Mar 2014, 5:10 pm

In one of my classes the tables were rearranged two weeks ago and now I sit next to this girl I like. I don't know why but today she just started a conversation with me and we talked and joked for the rest of the period. I'm not sure but I think she likes me too since she used to turn around and smile at me sometimes. Whenever this one conversation happens to me I never really talk to the person again but I really like this certain girl so I'm more motivated than usual. I don't ever initiate conversations but I am pretty good at keeping one going. I want to just keep contact with her until we have a good enough relationship so she asks or gives me info so we can talk on social media.



Autinger
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14 Mar 2014, 5:50 pm

"today she just started a conversation with me and we talked and joked for the rest of the period. I'm not sure but I think she likes me too since she used to turn around and smile at me sometimes."

Be yourself, don't try anything more. If you feel yourself being nervous or accidentally trying too hard and messing up (making it awkward), laugh at yourself, laugh at her and just be honest, say you were trying to have as much fun as last time because you like to be her friend but you're feeling stupid for feeling nervous and finding yourself trying too hard when you know deeply there's no reason too.


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TheMighty_Moo
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15 Mar 2014, 8:09 am

It seems like you're handling it! Keep it up, do what you think is best and more natural to you. Be yourself and be free. Other than that, just relax, man. Just keep talking with her and let it happen by itself. You'll know when it's time to move onto the next level. Good luck! 8)


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Chernobyl
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17 Mar 2014, 2:24 pm

Oh man I knew this was going to happen again. She didn't say a word to me today and I felt really bad that I was unable to say something to her. The hardest thing for me to do is to start the conversation. If someone else starts it I can be pretty good at talking with them. I don't know what to do now because I wanted to try and do something with her over spring break but I don't know how to just ask that right after we talked one on one for the first time ever. I feel like my disability in starting the conversation is preventing us from becoming good friends since we could be talking a lot. :?



The_Perfect_Storm
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22 Mar 2014, 12:31 pm

Chernobyl wrote:
Oh man I knew this was going to happen again. She didn't say a word to me today and I felt really bad that I was unable to say something to her. The hardest thing for me to do is to start the conversation. If someone else starts it I can be pretty good at talking with them. I don't know what to do now because I wanted to try and do something with her over spring break but I don't know how to just ask that right after we talked one on one for the first time ever. I feel like my disability in starting the conversation is preventing us from becoming good friends since we could be talking a lot. :?


you need to work on it. come up with a plan of what you might want to say to initiate a conversation, and go for it.

start with hi/how are you going, etc. and either comment on something happening around you or try asking this person a question - something that will get them talking a little bit. e.g. how are you finding the class (or an assignment or whatever) so far, or maybe draw on whatever you talked about during the first conversation. try and come up with something natural and reasonable.

I think inviting her to do something over spring break after a single conversation might be too soon btw. like, definitely. probably.

most important thing you can do right now is make sure you don't ignore her next time (just assuming, since she didn't say a word to you). at least say hi or something!

good luck anyway ;|



TheMighty_Moo
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25 Mar 2014, 12:50 pm

Yeah, just a ask little questions like "How are you?" or "You okay?" if she's feeling a little down, letting her know that you're willing to stand up for her and that you actually care about her, then she'll be really happy. Try it once, pal. :D


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Lukecash12
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26 Mar 2014, 6:54 pm

Autinger wrote:
"today she just started a conversation with me and we talked and joked for the rest of the period. I'm not sure but I think she likes me too since she used to turn around and smile at me sometimes."

Be yourself, don't try anything more. If you feel yourself being nervous or accidentally trying too hard and messing up (making it awkward), laugh at yourself, laugh at her and just be honest, say you were trying to have as much fun as last time because you like to be her friend but you're feeling stupid for feeling nervous and finding yourself trying too hard when you know deeply there's no reason too.


Ummm... no offense but if you were to explain yourself like that last sentence there it would come off as pretty strange. People normally don't expect all that much explanation for awkwardness.


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anneurysm
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26 Mar 2014, 8:57 pm

Though it's hard to know why she didn't speak to you again, it could be your body language. Make sure to look in her direction and give a slight smile - she may be more inclined to approach you if you are showing friendly body language. Make sure to not ignore her next time or she may assume you aren't interested in talking with her.

I really like The_Perfect_Storm's suggestions. I would suggest you open with something general and open-ended such as "Hey, how was your week?" or "How was your weekend?". If you are nervous, look up some relaxation strategies online, such as deep breathing exercises, and practice these before you go to class.

Good luck :)


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27 Mar 2014, 9:22 pm

I practice. I imagine the person in a chair, and I practice saying "hi" or "nice to see you" or " was your weekend nice"

Then when I do see them, the response I worked up comes easier. It also means the ball is now in their court. I said hi, they can know that they can say hi back.

Starting conversations is a major problem area. It is a fine line between starting a conversation and bugging a person. Since I cannot always tell if The conversation starter is welcome or not, I stick to short openers and let the other person escalate the conversation if they wish.


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