I practically haven't got any friends any more

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I seem to be so crap at making friends. I try my hardest to appear approachable and friendly, and I always love small talk, and also enjoy a joke (I do have a good sense of humour). I don't do too badly with recognising social cues. My only problem is that I'm too shy to speak up and get heard, and sometimes my social reflexes are slower so I can't always think of the right thing to say until it's too late, so I just give a laugh or a boring one-word answer, which must make me become boring to others.

I had a friend who was the same age as me and was on the spectrum, but now she's found herself a boyfriend and she doesn't want to see me any more. I have texted her recently to ask her if she wants to meet up but she just says everything's boring and just seems to be making excuses, and I can tell she doesn't want to see me. So I'm not going to bother any more, if that's what she wants. I had other friends who have moved on and don't seem to want to know any more, and there is one person that I hang out with quite a bit but she is like 40 years older than me and is on a different wavelength sometimes. Also she's having a lot of stress at the moment, and might have to move out of the area soon, and neither of us have a car so I won't get to meet up with her much any more. I'm glad I have family, but I do want to be out and about with friends of my own. Even when I do get a chance to get out and meet people, nothing much happens.

I don't really have any interests in particular that I can share with other people. I have joined social groups before that were nearest to my enjoyment, but I didn't even make friends there. I know I have Asperger's but this is ridiculous. I thought I'd have at least one or two friends of around my age who has time for me. Anyone else feel the same?

I too struggle with real opportunities to make new friends. I live in the sticks of Derbyshire and this is after years and years of living in London which is a most well travelled environment. I am 50 but look about 40 and hopefully act it too! I am borderline Asperger's and waiting on my assessment to go through the mental health services via the GP - it should be in the autumn.

I struggle with my own gender which is apparently typical of Asperger's it drives me mad!

It sometimes crosses my mind too that in my twenties when I was in an abusive relationship for 7 years I did not continue to learn the rules of friendship enough as although I was extremely busy working and studying that particular partner did not permit me to develop close friends to mix with on my own which was highly unusual in London.

So many times female friends have abandoned me and I cannot manage my negativity on the telephone so I just stick to facebook mobile messages and emails to connect with others. However in this region people are poor communicators and do not get back to you a lot. The south of England is so much more sociable. We only have small cities here and the outlook feels quite contracted to start with. I have been here 6 years and I only have 2 genuine male friends (platonic) and 1 genuine female friend to talk to.

As for socialising I cannot face many evenings out unless they are one on ones or small groups as in our western cultures the issue of drink is always around us and I do not wish to be overfaced with alcohol as the environment does not always feel safe. I must stress I do not always feel like this but it is most definitely an underlying issue that has never left me. My first partner was an abusive alcoholic and I was subjected to a great deal of mental and verbal abuse.

In addition I am a single parent and have been for nearly 9 years since my son was 5 months. My parents are dead and I have no siblings. Although I do Buddhist chanting and go to weekly meetings we don't always get opportunities to mix beyond the meeting. It doesn't always feel 'full socialising' - I guess it is a different type of friendship. The practice does really help me though.

I would really love to meet especially female Asperger's in the UK of any age to discuss these issues with on a one on one basis - however any feedback and comment is most welcome on this thread for me.

Been there. I'm going through a divorce and someone I had thought of as my best friend (NT) told me I lack the capacity to be supportive. It hurt so badly. Another one of my friends is heavily invested in a romantic relationship or six and doesn't really have time for me. So I'm kind of alone. I try not to cry but it hurts so badly to be rejected.

It's hard, but I've come to expect it anymore. I've tended to be in the OP's situation, where I've been the convenient shoulder until something better comes around.

What's harder for me is knowing that people are willing to be a friend, but I'm unable to bridge that gap with them. I see the anticipation, waiting, and disappointment cross face after face, and it guts me sometimes.

I have found over the years that if I try to link up with those who work in the caring professions they generally are the more empathic/intuitive type to start with. I believe they are a more suitable type of friend on the whole.

Other than that if their energy feels kindly above all else and they have had a certain level of life experience i.e. some knocks and bumps in their own life - not someone who has had a long settled existence - then they are also a suitable type.

I take Bach Flower remedies and can recommend those. Currently I am taking Vervain and White Chestnut. They are a bit pricey but worth it. I tend to need less the homoeopathic remedies that I used to take - I now prefer more gentle options the Bach Flower remedies are very soothing.