I'd like to make new friends, but . . .

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I'm looking for advice.

I'd like to make new friends, but one reason why I have trouble making new friends is that my non-family relationships don't last. Whenever I've start getting close with any of my friends that's when the friendship ends. There are couple of reasons why, I think, the relationships end: 1 - I'm not comfortable talking about personal things and 2 - I don't know how to tell if my friend wants me to be personal or not.

There are other things that keep me from making new friends like not being able to tell if someone is interested in me and how to make the first move.

I'd really like to meet new friends and make my non-family relationships last.

Any advice anybody can give me will be greatly appreciated.

You get personal with old friends. Sometimes that is even creepy.

Making a good friend is like finding your spot. You sit there every day, and everything comes to you. You try and make things happen, and things can get weird.

Then go make new friends... Pay attention when things go right, and when things go wrong. Keep learning. Every friend you make and every friend you lose is going to make you smarter, and a better friend to someone this way.

Some amount of disclosure is eventually going to be necessary for a friendship to be close and long-term. Most people want more than an activity buddy or someone to talk about what movies they've seen with, or don't hold onto those for long.

A good rule of thumb is to disclose about as much as they are and to drop a subject if they're not asking questions or relating their own experiences after a while. Use your own judgement, though. Private matters are precious.

I also struggle with your first point about sharing personal information. I am beginning to see that you open up a little, the potential friend does the same. Reciprocity. But share little by little. I've made the egregious error of saying too much. That can scare others off.

Cheers.

I'd like to thank all of you for the advice & responses, I will take them to heart.

Thanx again !

Thanx again ReverieMe,

I'm glad that you were able to share the advice with me, even though you are not comfortable sharing with people.

The advice was helpful.

I'm like you, I will usually just let people share whatever they want to share with me but when it comes me sharing information or advice that's hard for me. If you are like that then I would just like to say again that I'm very appreciative of your advice.

Keep on meeting new people. It would be quite a while especially if your personality is unique to meet up with someone of the same wavelength. Just be patient, it is a matter of time to find a close friendship.
Try to reciprocate on the topics you're discussing. If something is of interest of you, try to pick a subject near to your interest but not too specific compared to the topics you're discussing. See if the person shows interest on it. If it isn't, then that's a difference to identify between you and the person.

Good advice arjay !

I'll try and use it at my next social encounter.

Thanx again for the great advice, arjay.

I've tried to make new friends so many times. It's all fine provided there is a medium within which to meet someone (like at work). The friendships go well until the friendship starts getting close, then the person will abruptly stop talking to me. No one will ever tell me why, so I don't know how to fix it. Or, I'll go out somewhere new and try to make friends, and people will actively avoid me. As to why, I have no idea. Sometimes, my family tries to "explain", but their explanations usually involve some explanation about how weird I am, nothing I can actually work with. I ask them for something specific, and they just get confused and contradict themselves. It's devastating. I have no idea how to fix it or even if it can be fixed.

I think I have experienced the same thing in the past years ago especially in my first work. I think what happened is I offended them, perhaps being brutally honest or suddenly becoming to weird or too different. I think NTs place a lot of importance on self-image and sensitivity that doing white lies is crucial to maintain a positive atmosphere. What do you think?

I despaired of ever finding good friends until I joined a MeetUp group for people with social anxiety. There I met people who knew exactly where I was coming from, they took the time to get to know me, they "got me" and didn't play games. Some are ASD, some are NT, all are user friendly, sensitive to others, and it doesn't matter what age you are, we all get on and joining that group brought about huge changes in my quality of life.

It was hard at the beginning, I was nervous and expected the worst! Yet as time went on, I stuck with it despite my inner anxiety, and it turned out really well.

So keep going, there are solutions out there, there will be a group of some kind somewhere that will be the one for you, too.

Has anybody considered potential friendships with Neurotypical adults who have some understanding of Aspergers? Such understanding may come from occupations involving clientele/ colleagues with Aspergers, AND/OR knowing someone on the spectrum.

Such awareness/understanding amongst NTs is difficult to come by; hence would this hinder other options for developing friendships with thoughtful people (having shared interests) who are not fully aware of Aspergers?

There are many times when neurotypicals have things in common with people with Asperger's. It doesn't make sense how some people with Asperger's don't want to make friends with neurotypicals. They're missing out on a rich resource.

I believe the best ways to make friends are if you two (or more) share 1. Common interests; 2. A common background; 3. A similar philosophical approach. It's not always the case that friends have either one of those 3--but I think having that commonality really assists you on the path towards friendship.

I found the discussion-thread, 'I don't Understand How Friendship Works.. Please Help!' (LINK)
both personal and heartbreaking esp. considering that the title of the discussion thread "Struck a sensitive chord so to speak."

This discussion thread, and the (LINK) discussion thread have done a good-job "in cutting through the confusion" on discussions on 'social skills and making friends.' Discussions on acquainting with thoughtful (NTs) important in the lives of people with Aspergers needs a boost.

Lately, I've felt that contributing to discussions on 'social skills and making friends' might act to "break the ice" so to speak on developing friendships.

Any recommendations on awesome YouTube videos that show (AS) individuals demonstrating good social skills with (NTs)? Such videos would offer those very concrete and tangible examples that so many of us on WrongPlanet are seeking.

LINK: http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt263907.html