'Then What Are You Doing Here?'
Has anyone else repeatedly had this kind of question flung at your head when attempting to get into some kind of group/social circle/work environment or another?
'Cause I have.
Typically, it happens after I clarify that my own path in life has been a bit unconventional in terms of education or work experience or socialisation, and that it's taken me this different path to be where I am now.
The most recent example was just this morning when I was on a kind of job interview for a volunteer's position. I explained that I honestly didn't have all that much experience working with other people, and that responding to their emotions was far from my strong suit. The question that followed was 'Then what are you doing here???', which is not entirely unreasonable, considering that someone WITH great social skills would have fitted their profile for a volunteer better. But I basically wanted to apply for this function because I was interested in helping other people out.
There was also this time when I went to a University for a day to see what that was like. I was already 25 by then, but I had never gone to University, and was interested in going there. The student who was there to help me out with introductions and stuff, was utterly confused that I wasn't a student in my final year of secondary school. Apparently, a 20-something wanting to join in this 'trial day' was something unspeakably alien to her. I also had a hard time explaining myself to two of the three professors I joined in the lessons of.
It also tends to happen in social situations. Whenever I go somewhere that's more socially-oriented, or it involves music or dancing or a band etc. etc., everyone else will be in groups of 2-5 people or so, while I'll typically be the only one standing alone. However, it doesn't often happen that I get the 'What are you doing here?' question in those situations.
It's happened more often, but the above illustrates the general jist of it. It sometimes makes me feel as if, even though I sometimes try to connect to a new group of people, I'm usually perceived as being 'unfit' to join, by vice of my... I dunno, strangeness, I guess?
Is this familiar to anyone?
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clarity of thought before rashness of action
I do get anxiety that some may feel I don't belong in a place, and I have anxiety about what my response to the question 'what are you doing here?' would be. I think the best way I have found to deal with this is realize that I don't have to explain myself to anyone. Especially if you have as much right to be there as anyone else.
I'm always having this question. My awesome anxiety doesn't make my life easier, so every day is a battle. I'm usually avoiding social situations. When some people I considered friends in the past want to see me, I tell them I'm too busy (which is true, but I'm not busy with important stuff).
Summer after I graduated school was very stressful - I took exams in a place I've never seen before and I didn't know anyone there. Then, after a month, with all my results I had to bring my documents to the university, fill all the papers, talk to people, ask questions.. I was so scared that everything was falling from my hands, the place was very crowded, people were noisy, I was totally disoriented and kepr on making mistakes. But this nightmare ended, I was accepted to the university, I wanted to study medicine since childhood. But then meeting my group, all new subjects, different people and I need to communicate.. I've been endlessly stressed since then. And I'm not really accepted in the group. I'm told that I could be cool if I wasn't autistic. I feel relief only when I come home, I rarely go out, because every day exhausts me. And I'm asking myself everyday: what am I doing there? I'm good at almost all the subjects (excepting PE), but what next? Who will accept me as a doctor? That's really upsetting, because I like studying, but thus job require great social skills.
That's not only about my Uni, my anxiety follows md everywhere. I can't go anywhere on my own, I need someone close with me, whi will make an order in a cafe, or tell me what I need to do in different situations.
I'm not sure if I wrote everyrhing clear, English is my second language, so sorry...
Summer after I graduated school was very stressful - I took exams in a place I've never seen before and I didn't know anyone there. Then, after a month, with all my results I had to bring my documents to the university, fill all the papers, talk to people, ask questions.. I was so scared that everything was falling from my hands, the place was very crowded, people were noisy, I was totally disoriented and kepr on making mistakes. But this nightmare ended, I was accepted to the university, I wanted to study medicine since childhood. But then meeting my group, all new subjects, different people and I need to communicate.. I've been endlessly stressed since then. And I'm not really accepted in the group. I'm told that I could be cool if I wasn't autistic. I feel relief only when I come home, I rarely go out, because every day exhausts me. And I'm asking myself everyday: what am I doing there? I'm good at almost all the subjects (excepting PE), but what next? Who will accept me as a doctor? That's really upsetting, because I like studying, but thus job require great social skills.
That's not only about my Uni, my anxiety follows md everywhere. I can't go anywhere on my own, I need someone close with me, whi will make an order in a cafe, or tell me what I need to do in different situations.
I'm not sure if I wrote everyrhing clear, English is my second language, so sorry...
That's okay, reetaemra, English is also my second language, and I can understand perfectly what you wrote down.
Yes, I can relate a lot to what you say. I feel the same kind of anxiety when being introduced to a new group of people, not knowing what to say, etc. etc.
While I usually travel to most places on my own these days, I do sometimes wish that I had someone with me who could explain this or that to me... instead of fumble about as I sometimes do.
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clarity of thought before rashness of action
Travelling is very interesting, yet hard. I was travelling with my mom, and being the one who knows foreign languages scared me, because I felt responsibility for someone else.
Being anxious is hard, I can't even go to a shop and buy something, because when I do, it's like "oh, it was a disaster, they probably hate me, I'll never go to this shop again". Being nervous also makes me awkward and I drop everything, which only makes things worse. So I usually stay at home during holidays and feel happy.