Making friends in college

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Hi Everyone,

I'm 35 and decided to go back to college. Class-wise, I am doing OK, and am even getting support from Disabilities department to help with my Aspergers, like having a special room for test-taking etc. My only problem at school is I cannot make any friends, so I'm lonely. I was wondering what I can do about it? I mean, the school holds certain functions, and I go to them, but I still can't talk to anyone, so I leave the function/event . I tried student groups but it's the same - I can't seem to say anything. Does anyone have any advise on this ?

I think it is best to start out small and maybe befriend those who are friendly or those you can relate to. I was pretty lonely for most of college as well, I didn't have many friends, but I tried to get some friends by going out and talking to others more. When you are able to find one or two you could closely relate to, then maybe hang out with them more and also if others invite you do to activities, if you are able to, then you could participate, that would be how to get friends or at least from what I was told. Hope this helps a little bit.

Are there any groups in school that you like? Specific asperger groups or something that you're interested in?

Here are two options:

1) Bypass the social world of NTs altogether and find some people on the spectrum to hang out with. If your school has an ASD group, that's your first bet, if not, just do a Google search for groups in your area.

2) If you're really wanting friendship with NTs, choose groups that focus on an activity rather than schmoozing/small talking. Generally, many school functions (dances, socials) are like this, so it's better to go with an activity that you are interested in, so the focus is on the activity and not on you. If you have trouble approaching others, plan what to say in advance and rehearse it. The more you practice, the more confident you will be. Ask your disability counsellor if there is someone you can talk to about this - maybe this person can give you some tips on how to navigate social settings.

Good luck!

It might be worth asking disability services if they are able to get people together. There may well be a networking system that allows you to get in touch with people who sign up. I dont think my uni has one however I would consider perhaps suggesting that such a system be put in place being as social isolation is among the most common and debilitating aspects of disability in general

I have the same problem. It seems so hard to make friends while I see so many other people doing it so easily all around me. I think it is important to look at how you are trying to make friends- some social situations are better than others for that. As others have said, some social situations like dances are more about small talk and activity and are less likely to build friendships. Also people are likely already there with their group of friends and that can make it harder to break into the group. One thing I suggest is, if you are on campus a lot, try to start conversation with people who are near you in the cafeteria or in lecture or wherever you are. Ask about their interests, how they are enjoying class, etc. Maybe you will see them around more often and start talking more often, leading to a friendship. It can be really hard to do, I know. Very anxiety-provoking, especially if you have had bad experiences in the past. Good experiences if you try to create them can build self-confidence, though!

Another thing I would recommend is trying meetup.com. Other people have already said to join interest groups on campus and I think that is a great idea. Meetup.com would be similar, just not school related. You could find people who share your interests and start going to the meetings, where you might be more easily able to make friends (especially since you already have something to talk about since you know you share that interest!).

I imagine you're having the same trouble I am: not being able to relate to the other students. I'm 26, but I already feel ancient among these 18 - 22 year olds. I talk to people, but no meaningful friendships have really so far developed.

One thing I really enjoyed in college was having an on-campus job. I worked 20 hours per week. At my job I manned a desk together with one other student, but what I really enjoyed was the relationship with the full-time staff in the department who became friends. Campus jobs often allow you to study when work is slow, e.g. when there are no patrons to attend to.

Similar boat here - I'm 32 and recently returned to grad school and know very few people at school. Student groups won't work since most are for the undergrads and I don't feel like hanging out w/ a bunch of 18-22 year olds. I volunteer sometimes and the people I meet are generally pretty nice - only certain types of people are willing to donate their time to do free work for the community. Never really formed any friendships yet, though that may be a lack of taking the initiative or knowing how to take it to the next level to exchange contact info and hang out or however that works I don't know... but at least it's a way to get out and practice talking to people in a low stress environment - and like others have said, the social aspect is revolved around the activity, so you have at least that to talk about.