"I dont think its anything to get stressed about"
Is that rude? I said this to someone at uni who seems to be a thoroughly decent guy. Im about as popular as athletes foot in a jar of honey at uni but he makes the effort to chat etc. He seemed offended and has been "off". At the time I didnt mean anything by it but im concerned that he may have had anxiety issues in the past or maybe the whole camaraderie is based on pity in which case he'd resent the role reversal i.e. me telling him not to get stressed when im the one who appears to have the problem with anxiety.
If indeed I erred how would I go about rectifying the situation bearing in mindit occurred a while back
_________________
http://superstringbean.wordpress.com/ My Repository Of the Arcane the Esoteric and the Sublime
http://sybourgian.wordpress.com/ Neuroprotection, Neurogenesis Strategies for Long Term Cognitive Enhancement
serenaserenaserena
Veteran

Joined: 19 Jul 2013
Gender: Female
Posts: 573
Location: Sinnoh Region, Pokémon World
I wouldn't tell anybody that I think that they shouldn't get stressed about something, unless they asked me, because I know that if somebody said that to me while i was stressed or overwhelmed, I'd probably get really mad or annoyed. I may announce that I don't understand why somebody is stressed, leaving them an option to really explain it, so if I want to help them under the circumstances, I could. Otherwise, I don't see it as a good idea.
Although you've already said that to him, and he was offended apparently, you can probably still. . . I don't really know what you could do now. Just don't do it again, I guess.
_________________
~~~
aspie score: 166 out of 200
officially diagnosed in 2013
~~~
Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.
~~~
It's a thing a person might get slightly offended by, but not enough offended to not want to talk again. If I had to take a guess I would said it was probably something else or maybe there's been several times where he has wanted sympathy from you but didn't get any. But in any case I would say something like this to him:
"Hey, you told me earlier about [the thing you got stressed up over], hope I didn't sound to indifferent, I know I can be like that sometimes but I do care."
Showing empathy and sharing a flaw like that will do magic. Perhaps this was all an understanding and then he will say something like "not at all bro, my grandma died yesterday so maybe that's why I seemed off" or something like that. OR he did get offended and then your relationship will be much better off
I would have to know the situation where this was said, including the conversational topic, what was said, when/where it happened and how you know the other person in order to have an idea of whether you actually offended him and if so, how.
I've noticed that when people err in social situations, the situation surrounding the error plays a role in why it becomes an error in the first place.
_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.
My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
Well he was asking me a question about referencing in an essay and I meant to say "The lecturer probably doesnt care". Instead I said "I dont think its anything to get stressed about". He's been very short and non conversational with me since.
My attendance has been very poor and he sort of really.. I mean REALLY helped me out in a lot of situations where i'd missed work. Ive tried to be reciprocal so I hope thats not the source of the trouble.
I apologised by saying what i'd meant and that it came out all wrong and hoped that i'd got it wrong i.e. that he wasnt offended and the message was unecessary. He replied "no worries" and went on to the next topic without delay (facebook).... so I dont think he accepted the apology.
Im used to this happening. I guess I consider it an intellectual puzzle as much as anything. Im too thick skinned to let it pierce my hide. I am a little worried that I may have deeply offended him in some other way. Who knows??
_________________
http://superstringbean.wordpress.com/ My Repository Of the Arcane the Esoteric and the Sublime
http://sybourgian.wordpress.com/ Neuroprotection, Neurogenesis Strategies for Long Term Cognitive Enhancement
I think you did everything you could in this situation. It might have seemed like you were not taking him seriously or brushing the situation off when you told him this, but it's great that you realized your error and apologized. Since you did apologize, I don't think he would be in a position to hold a grudge against that because he does appear to care about you at least by helping you out in previous situations. It could be the stress of school or other things that would be getting to him. I wouldn't take it personally.
_________________
Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.
This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.
My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.
I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.
"I dont think its anything to get stressed about" often comes over as "yeah you have issues but I don't care about it (or about you) at the moment, so stfu please", so yeah it's a little bit offensive in most contexts I'm afraid.
The line is really too short, cliché and half-assed to be taken seriously by most people who are in troublesome situations and really needing actual help.