How do I make myself give up on people for awhile?

Post Reply New Topic

Ive decided its not worth it constantly tryin to form relationships due to my Asperger's, as the majority of problems in my life come from me being too aggressive with people socially. How do I give up on them and make them want to come to me by being aloof?

are you feeling this way because of the situation with your cousin? i just saw your other posts, didn't have any advice so i thought i'd post in this one instead.

being aloof will not help you, especially if you are trying to act that way when you are not naturally like that. according to people, i am very 'aloof' and guess what, i do not make friends. being aloof and 'mysterious' may make people interested in you at the very beginning, but it is a difficult line to walk i would think, trying to seem mysterious but not totally distant.

i don't know how to seem less aggressive, maybe make some rules to follow so you don't seem so overbearing? but trying to act aloof to attract people will probably just backfire on you, and make you even more unhappy. i would not suggest it.

I know how that feels. I've had this problem with just about everyone I've been friends with. I used to try to be around someone a lot who I wanted to be good friends with and it would make them uncomfortable. I would become clingy. I tried to pay attention to people's tone of voice and facial expressions when I'd come around them. I still tend to come off clingy even now after I've worked on my confidence so much. I guess it's just part of Asperger's. With practice you can tell when you're coming on strong. If it seems like you show up and someone is bummed by it, make it into a small social grace, then leave. They'll usually chill out after that.
I don't know how much you call but I would ask myself 'why do I want to talk to her so much?' 'Am I okay by myself for awhile?' 'How would I feel if someone was calling or coming around this much?'
Keep working on it. That's way more worth it than giving up forever. Nobody is the coolest person in the world.

I was eager to make friends before. By that time I already knew I was similar to aspies, but I didn't like the thought of it and tried to be "normal". I pushed myself to talk to peopke, which was often very lame, started to hang out with some people. But in every company I was an outsider. Even with the outcasts - I still was to weird for them. I thought thaf I'll start everything from the very beginning at the uni, tried to fit in, but it wasn't good. My sence of humour is strange, so now everyone thinks I'm a psychopath or just insane There's only one girl I talj to, she's good, but I'm still afraid to text her or talk too much (what if I'm bothering her?) But it became easier since I got used to myself and stopped forcing myself to do what I don't want to.
I'm still a "psychopath" btw

Being too pushy and always bothering people can make them not want to be friends with you even if they had wanted to be friends before. I had a friend who I liked talking to and would talk to on FB, but every single time I got online this person would send me PM's and want to chat the entire time I was on there. She didn't understand that just because I'm on FB didn't mean I was there to chat. She didn't understand that I didn't want to spend all my online time answering very long emails and such, with lots of questions that I would have to spend quite a bit of time on answering. I found myself not even signing on to FB at times because I knew that I couldn't just get on there and read my newsfeed and send a few chats here and there and just chill. She seemed to want my attention every time I got online. We ended up having an argument about something else and aren't talking to each other any more and she's not on my FB now. But the point of this is that I probably would have enjoyed being friends with her if she just wasn't constantly wanting my full and undivided attention. So, you can really put somebody off being friends with you by being smothering like that. I'm wondering if since you are like this here, with all the threads about her, if you aren't just way overboard about her in real life. I know that I would be really pissed if a 15 year old were constantly bothering my 10 year old daughter and she wasnt trying to call him back, etc. It would be very creepy and I'd eventually tell him in no uncertain terms to leave her alone, family or not.

_________________
I'm giving it another shot. We will see.
My forum is still there and everyone is welcome to come join as well. There is a private women only subforum there if anyone is interested. Also, there is no CAPTCHA.

The link to the forum is http://www.rightplanet.proboards.com