Aspie friend has made me feel hurt

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I met a friend with Asperger's in college years ago, then when we both left college we just lost touch with each other, then we met again on an unemployment course 4 years later and were happy to have each other there (since we didn't know anyone else), and we have been friends since. She has more trouble making friends than me, so she was lucky to have me, as I did my best to keep friends and we met up and hung out once or twice a month or so. Like me, she's the type of Aspie who dislikes sitting alone in her room and is glad to have at least one friend.

But suddenly she started saying everything was boring, especially when I tried thinking of some new things we can do, like going down to the beach by coach on a hot day. But she just said that there is ''nothing to do at the beach'', so I thought ''OK, fair enough, maybe the beach is not her thing'', so I didn't say anything else about that. But a couple of months ago she met this boy where she works, and is now in a true relationship with him. And everything I have suggested to her we could do and she had declined because she thought was ''boring'', she has actually been doing all that with her boyfriend. Today she announced on Facebook that she had a ''wonderful day at the beach'', and I assume it was with him. I just feel hurt because when I asked her if she wanted to have a day out at the beach with me, she turned it down and said it was boring - and this was before she even met this boy.

I just feel a little hurt. All I do is try to be friendly and fun to somebody who was as lonely as me and needed a good friend, and she just threw it back in my face, and now she runs off with this boy and does everything under the sun. I really hate that boy, I hope he gets run over by a bus.

People tend to change when they get into a relationship. Something inside their brain boosts them up so they have all this energy to be different but then after a while it wears off and they go back to their old selves again. That is why people act different and why it seems like they are putting on an act when they first meet someone and get together with them. I guess aspies are not immune to this either.

My sister is the same. It's terrible and boring if she were to go to the beach with the family. But she was there the other day with her boyfriend and apparently had a great time.

I just feel a little hurt. All I do is try to be friendly and fun to somebody who was as lonely as me and needed a good friend, and she just threw it back in my face, and now she runs off with this boy and does everything under the sun. I really hate that boy, I hope he gets run over by a bus.

Of course an Aspie friend hurt your feelings, that's the whole point with ASD.

We're socially annoying at best.

It takes advanced social skills to not hurt people's feelings, it's called Diplomacy.


Edited to add:

We often have certain activities that we like to do with certain people. For instance, there are some TV shows that I only like to watch when I'm with my brother. Other times, I find those shows boring. It could have just been that, not that she is "ditching" you.

I wouldn't take it personally. She probably just wanted to spend time with this guy and if he suggested going to the beach of course she is going to say yes.

Like someone else said, peoples priorities change when they get into a relationship, things you never used to enjoy become enjoyable simply because you are with that person. Maybe she just agreed to go to make her boyfriend happy despite secretly still thinking it was "boring" and just happend to have a better time than she was expecting. Im pretty sure it wasnt done to spite you, though I do understand you feel put out by her doing things with him instead of you, but thats what happens when friends get into relationships unfortunately.

Sweet Pea hugs

I had a situation like that when I was in Jr. high. I had managed to make friends with someone who was the opposite sex of me. I tried to get him to come to the school dances but he said that they sucked and that he was not into that king of thing. The only thing he wanted to do was ice skate. Then he met another girl who he had more in common with and she was able to draw him out of his shell. I remember feeling pretty crushed and jealous.

One one hand that was rude of her to treat you like that but on the other when you meet someone you are crazy over, you will do anything to be with that person.

Have you told her how you feel?

I let people go and choose whatever they like and whomever they choose to be with.