What are some general things to ask or talk about?

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Chernobyl
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09 May 2014, 3:36 pm

I made a new friend that really likes me but she does all the talking. Sometimes when I'm looking away I can tell she's looking at me and I feel that she's waiting for me to say something but whenever I try to think of something my mind goes blank. I want to ask repetitive questions like "do you like this band? How about this one?" But I know that'll get boring and annoying. She also hates school so I figured I shouldn't ask anything related. She also doesn't keep up with the news much.



SammichEater
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09 May 2014, 4:27 pm

Ask her what she would do or how she would survive in the event of an apocalypse. Or if that's a little too dark, ask her what she thinks the meaning of life is, or how she knows that everything is real.

Or, here's my favorite. Whenever you run into one of those awkward bouts of silence, all you have to do is ask her this. "Whatcha thinking?"



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09 May 2014, 4:53 pm

A lot of my favorite friends do all the talking. Just offer well-thought out advice when she asks for it, and try to figure out some fun ways to spend time together that aren't totally dependent on you talking. You could watch movies together, go see an exhibit together, attend a concert together, and such.

What originally brought the two of you together?



Luey
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09 May 2014, 6:24 pm

SammichEater wrote:
Or, here's my favorite. Whenever you run into one of those awkward bouts of silence, all you have to do is ask her this. "Whatcha thinking?"


I would be careful about small talk, especially repetitive questions like how are you, what are you thinking about, what are you doing, etc. It might work for this girl depending on how talkative she is (some people don't care), but some people might hate small talk.

I have this problem a lot with people, though I tend to only meet people that aren't talkative. Initially I won't be talkative, but if you give me something deeper to talk about (like that apocalyptic thing, that was good one) and you continue to contribute back, I'll become talkative.

Maybe not the best suggestion, especially since I don't know what this girl is like, but I thought I'd just add that in.



Luey
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09 May 2014, 6:31 pm

Chernobyl wrote:
I want to ask repetitive questions like "do you like this band? How about this one?" But I know that'll get boring and annoying.


Those don't sound bad to begin with. If she likes music, you could ask those questions then add your own comment to it. Maybe you like them or they are your favorite, you discovered them a couple years ago, and you hope to go see them on tour one day (if you're into that sort of thing). Try asking her what her favorite music is and see if you can find a common interest and branch off from there.

If not music, try looking for a common interest, that way it's easier to add your own comments and opinions.



Chernobyl
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09 May 2014, 7:58 pm

Luey wrote:
Chernobyl wrote:
I want to ask repetitive questions like "do you like this band? How about this one?" But I know that'll get boring and annoying.


Those don't sound bad to begin with. If she likes music, you could ask those questions then add your own comment to it. Maybe you like them or they are your favorite, you discovered them a couple years ago, and you hope to go see them on tour one day (if you're into that sort of thing). Try asking her what her favorite music is and see if you can find a common interest and branch off from there.

If not music, try looking for a common interest, that way it's easier to add your own comments and opinions.


That's actually how we met, she saw my shirt and liked the band too. I'm supposed to help her study for a test this weekend and I am already stressed about what I should say throughout the time we're together. I will also be using a practice test and I'm nervous about how I should ask the questions. I feel robotic when I read it word for word off the paper. Last week I had someone ask the question and if she didn't know it I would explain the right answer but this time I just want to be alone with her.



BetwixtBetween
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09 May 2014, 9:18 pm

Sounds like you'll already have plenty to talk about with the studying and all.

Make sure to provide snacks and put some cool music on during study breaks. You might both discover some bands/songs you like that way. If it's a sleepover, pick a few movies to watch.

Deciding on movies will spark some natural conversation points- good movies, bad movies, good actors, bad actors, good actresses, bad actresses, genre preferences, and such.



anneurysm
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12 May 2014, 10:46 pm

Here are some other suggestions for small talk topics. These would be all good things to ask her about...remember to not just ask questions only but follow through with appropriate comments and indicators that you are listening (i.e occasionally nodding your head, saying hmm hmm, etc)

#1 is to focus on things you have in common....so ask how she is finding the class you both share. Ask her about how she is finding school, the subjects she is taking right now, and opinions on different teachers.

What kinds of things do you like to do on the weekends? What do you like to do for fun?
Do you have any pets? What kinds? What are they like?
How long have you lived in this area? Where are you originally from?
What movies/tv shows do you like? Tell me more about (film/tv show)
What kinds of food do you like/ favourite restaurants.
Do you like going to concerts? (drawing upon your mutual interest in music) Tell me about the best one you've been to.

Good luck! :)


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.