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Thoughts on friendship

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ImAnAspie
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12 May 2014, 8:36 pm

For a long time, I remember watching people socialise and seeing how freely they talk ? how relaxed they seem and wishing I could do that. In comparison, I seem stiff, I feel stiff, starchy and uncomfortable. I don?t seem to be able to relax like they do. I wish I could. I?d probably have friends if I could. It?s like I?m my own worst enemy. I can?t even force myself to do that because it?s not me and I find being/acting false is something I can?t do. I?d rather be friendless than pretend to be someone I?m not.

So in the end, I don't know if I really don't want friends (which is how it feels - I'm content with my own company) or if I had them, ... no, I don't want them. I don't know! I think I like the idea of having friends more than actually having them.

I don't know. I think I fluctuate on this from time to time?


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Formally diagnosed in 2007.
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anneurysm
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12 May 2014, 9:32 pm

Have you ever considered finding others with ASD to befriend? I'm sure there are groups and get togethers in your area. People with ASD, I find, are very accepting of this interaction style (since many of them interact in the same way) and tend to refrain from "fake" social behavior. I find that the people with ASD that I know who have found others like them are far less lonely and happier with who they are.


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Given a “tentative” diagnosis as a child as I needed services at school for what was later correctly discovered to be a major anxiety disorder.

This misdiagnosis caused me significant stress, which lessened upon finding out the truth about myself from my current and past long-term therapists - that I am an anxious and highly sensitive person but do not have an autism spectrum disorder.

My diagnoses - social anxiety disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I’m no longer involved with the ASD world.


cberg
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13 May 2014, 12:50 am

I don't run Solaris but I know RHEL, QT, JavaScript, BASH, NT and security QA, I fluctuate all the time about working in technology or not.


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ImAnAspie
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13 May 2014, 5:38 am

cberg wrote:
I don't run Solaris but I know RHEL, QT, JavaScript, BASH, NT and security QA, I fluctuate all the time about working in technology or not.


Hello,
I used to run Red Hat and later, Fedora. Of all the Linux distros, it was my second favourite. My favourite Linux distro was slackware but that was a long long time ago. BASH is my favourite shell to use regardless of whether I'm working in SunOS/Solaris, BSD or Linux.


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Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.


ImAnAspie
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13 May 2014, 5:44 am

anneurysm wrote:
Have you ever considered finding others with ASD to befriend? I'm sure there are groups and get togethers in your area. People with ASD, I find, are very accepting of this interaction style (since many of them interact in the same way) and tend to refrain from "fake" social behavior. I find that the people with ASD that I know who have found others like them are far less lonely and happier with who they are.


Hi and thank you for the advice. I've tried to find if here in Sydney, there are any ASD meeting groups. I have toyed with the idea of going along to one if it exists but my shyness always kicks in.

I am actually happy with who I am. The only thing I don't like about me (apart from my looks) is the fact that I am shy and my conversation skills are non-existent. I couldn't keep a conversation going to save my life.


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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
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Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.


Yankeefan114
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13 May 2014, 11:07 pm

anneurysm wrote:
Have you ever considered finding others with ASD to befriend? I'm sure there are groups and get togethers in your area. People with ASD, I find, are very accepting of this interaction style (since many of them interact in the same way) and tend to refrain from "fake" social behavior. I find that the people with ASD that I know who have found others like them are far less lonely and happier with who they are.




I have trouble with this because there doesn't seem to be too many around me here in Westchester County,NY,at least those I can get to (don't have a car,so have to rely on public transportation for now),but if you or anyone else here knows of some,or at least,knows where I can find some,I'd greatly appreciate it.



Yankeefan114
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13 May 2014, 11:09 pm

ImAnAspie wrote:
anneurysm wrote:
Have you ever considered finding others with ASD to befriend? I'm sure there are groups and get togethers in your area. People with ASD, I find, are very accepting of this interaction style (since many of them interact in the same way) and tend to refrain from "fake" social behavior. I find that the people with ASD that I know who have found others like them are far less lonely and happier with who they are.


Hi and thank you for the advice. I've tried to find if here in Sydney, there are any ASD meeting groups. I have toyed with the idea of going along to one if it exists but my shyness always kicks in.

I am actually happy with who I am. The only thing I don't like about me (apart from my looks) is the fact that I am shy and my conversation skills are non-existent. I couldn't keep a conversation going to save my life.





Sometimes I feel like this,and sometimes that's what makes me fearful of conversing with strangers.I'm afraid of awkward pauses because they can make me look stupid for not being able to come up with more things to say.



ImAnAspie
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14 May 2014, 5:35 am

Yankeefan114 wrote:
ImAnAspie wrote:
anneurysm wrote:
Have you ever considered finding others with ASD to befriend? I'm sure there are groups and get togethers in your area. People with ASD, I find, are very accepting of this interaction style (since many of them interact in the same way) and tend to refrain from "fake" social behavior. I find that the people with ASD that I know who have found others like them are far less lonely and happier with who they are.


Hi and thank you for the advice. I've tried to find if here in Sydney, there are any ASD meeting groups. I have toyed with the idea of going along to one if it exists but my shyness always kicks in.

I am actually happy with who I am. The only thing I don't like about me (apart from my looks) is the fact that I am shy and my conversation skills are non-existent. I couldn't keep a conversation going to save my life.


Sometimes I feel like this, and sometimes that's what makes me fearful of conversing with strangers.I'm afraid of awkward pauses because they can make me look stupid for not being able to come up with more things to say.


Yes, this is true for me too (being afraid of long pauses) except I don't think they'll think I'm stupid. I'm afraid they'll think I'm boring - I think I come off as appearing antisocial. What's actually going on is:
(a) I may not be interested in what they're saying;
(b) I'm having trouble understanding/concentrating on what they're saying;
(c) posture and eye contact issues interfere;
(d) I pick one thing they've said to use to formulate a response to but in the process of thinking what to say, I miss out on hearing what else they've said in the meantime and what I planned to say doesn't seem to fit in any more and it becomes acutely obvious I wasn't listening to them;
(e) I shutdown, the conversation ceases abruptly (or peters out), I become acutely aware the conversation has stopped because I can't think of what to say and I start thinking 'They're thinking I'm boring!'.

By that stage, all I want to do is escape and be by myself!

Even now, I don't know if it's worth it. I don't think I'm compatible with anyone. I think I was right in the first place - I'm not just an Aspie. I'm an Alien Aspie!



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Your Aspie score: 151 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 60 of 200
Formally diagnosed in 2007.
Learn the simple joy of being satisfied with little, rather than always wanting more.