Going on Autopilot/Zoning Out

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Does anyone else do this?

I'm a married adult with kids so there are times when I have to socialize when I'm not prepared for it. I often say something stupid. I am still embarrassed about saying stupid things to this day and unfortunately have a good memory for dumb things I've done. Like last year I volunteered to help with a school field trip for my son and the teacher asked if I was going on the trip the next day. I said yes and she said "So you can take a few kids?" I didn't take time to think and respond and said something about having a van so that would be okay. I figured out too late that she meant taking a group of kids at the museum itself, not traveling there with them (duh, they do that by bus). I just didn't have time to process what she was saying and misunderstood her words/intention or her words. I even told my Mom about it afterwords I was so embarrassed and needed reassurance that I'm not stupid since I do try so hard to fit in. I didn't know then that I had Asperger's or what it meant although my family has always teased me about taking things too literally and "having no common sense".

Okay, I'm off subject as usual so anyway the point was that when I have to converse with another person in a setting like the above example or with another parent and frequently my own husband I go on a sort of "autopilot" mode when they are talking. It isn't that I don't want to be a good listener but there are other things usually going on both in my head and around me and I get overwhelmed and/or have trouble focusing on their words or intent. I've learned to fake listening if I miss something pretty well but my husband complains it's a constant issue (though I haven't really told him I'm certain I have Asperger's) with me not listening to him. He thinks I do it intentionally (he does it too and I suspect he may have it too though he's even more stubborn than me so I don't even bother with the subject) and I just calmly explain to him he can't talk to me when I'm upset or overwhelmed and expect me to remember what he's telling me. My "autopilot" works pretty well if I'm not thrown some kind of curve ball conversation or event though. I do make eye contact with people I am really familiar with okay most of the time but I avoid looking at people's faces most of the time altogether because eye contact even in autopilot is unnerving. I always am unsure how much to look them in the eye and that's a distraction in itself from what they are actually saying. I have settled on looking them in the eye most of the time and looking away at random increments (usually when I start to feel uncomfortable). I don't want to stare and be creepy but I don't know where else to look either. It's even worse if someone is standing close to me. I don't do well touching anyone I'm not really close to or being in close proximity so if you are in my face and staring me in the eye, I probably will only catch key words at best.

I rambled on enough here but does anyone else do this? Any tips for me?

I absolutely do this!

I actually suffered from severe depersonalisation for years which is kind of like being permanently stuck on autopilot.

For me, stimming helps me to concentrate on what a person is saying a lot, I tap my feet, bite my lip, play with my hair, lick my teeth etc. and it gives my mind enough stimulus that it only has room for that and the conversation at hand and nothing much else.

Some of this to me seems normal for anyone, like going into autopilot. All of it seems normal for an Aspie and I'm sure many people here can relate! It's easier said than done but just shift your focus away from it if it gets to be too big of a deal... to hell with what the person thinks if you don't look them in the eye while either one of you is speaking.

For me something that helped a surprising amount was getting the vitamins and minerals my body needs each day, removing gluten and lactose from my diet (both of which it turns out I was sensitive to and made my Asperger's and depression much more exaggerated as well as my "brain fog" and other negative elements) and started drinking kefir which is a source of probiotics. I am unsure of how much of this will help you but it is all simple enough to do and can make a surprising difference if it does apply to you.

Good luck with this, but try not to see it as a problem as much of a difference if you can, self acceptance is very important. I know it can be frustrating and difficult though especially when others don't understand it from your perspective or are unwilling to try to.

I am personally comforted when over thinking things by my ultimate insignificance and the insignificance of all my actions - some people find this idea depressing but to me it is very liberating to remind myself that no matter what I do it makes barely a lick of difference in the grand scheme of things... makes me stress a bit less over the little things.