bad with friends,good with relationship

Post Reply New Topic

I never understood how some People can't
make friends,yet they have no trouble
getting Relationship.I don't get it.
If you can Get a BF,GF,shouldn't
you also be able to make friends

The reason most people have friends is so that they can ultimately get into a relationship (or scout out other potential mates). Most people meet their significant other in social circles.

If a person has the ability to easily get into relationships without a social circle, then what's the point of having friends? They don't need them. So it actually makes perfect sense.

Not necessarily. Friendships and relationships operate on two different principles. Friendships are a like-for-like exchange. Each person wants to participate in an activity, like sports, watching movies, or playing board games, all of which are impossible or at least boring to do alone. But with someone else, they're fun. So each friend extends the benefit of their company to the other person; they're each other's willing participant, so to speak. It's all done on a voluntary, at-will basis, and can be based on any shared interest. Also, each other social status is largely irrelevant; as long as the two people can get along, you got a friendship.

Relationships are a this-for-that exchange. Each party gives what they can in exchange for what they want. For a man, sex by himself is impossible. But with a woman, it's enjoyable. For a woman, a romantic dinner/sunset/carriage ride alone looks bad and is probably not fun. But when a man provides that, she feels special. So, the man provides the romance and collects the sex, and the woman provides the sex and collects the romance. Here, the man's social status is very relevant, because a woman almost always wants a high-status man. The woman's social status is more like in friendships, although being overly emotional can "disqualify" her. (I can only speak for straight relationships; I have no knowledge about gay and lesbian relationships.)

Friends are for sharing common interests and/or common experiences.

Relationships, ideally, are for the above, plus a little bit of lovin'

I wouldnt say I am good at getting into a relationship but Im fairly decent at getting dates. And I have trouble making friends. This is my explanation for that. One, I get dates online which is a lot easier. I cant get dates in person. I suck at making connections in person, I'd perfer not get make friends online unless I know them in person. The other reason is that I am a all or nothing person, its hard for me to be inbetween. Relationships fall in the all catagory whereas most friendships fall in grey area and thats hard for me to comprehend.

I believe in StarvingArtist's perception of relationships--for myself.

I've also encountered the other kind: based upon social status, looks, money, greed--what's presented in soap operas around the world. Whenever I see that sort of thing coming my way, I beat a hasty retreat! I don't care how lonely I get! It puts Arsenic on my Fire!