Worring more about what people think about me

Post Reply New Topic

Hi guys this is my first time posting here, but i've been reading WP since last year when i was oficially diagnosed with Asperger and before anything i want to already apologize for my bad english.
Well, what i want to discuss is:
How do you guys deal with "the impression you make on others persons"? And here i'm specifically talking about the way you are dressed.
To make it more clear i'll cite an example that just happened last weekend.
I was about to go on my brother's house (which is like 4~5 blocks from my house) just to get my 3DS recharger back and i was wearing some normal clothes (with normal clothes i mean a blue short and a grey tshirt, nothing special just something that i was wearing because it felt confortable).
The problem was that when i was about to leave, my mom called me and said that i should change my clothes before going out because those clothes were too ugly to go out in the streets and that those clothes was "to stay inside of home". That i should use nicer clothes when i was going out in public.
She was so convinced to make me change then that we've ended up discussing for like 15 minutes and it ended up with me giving up to going on my brother's house. That happens a lot when i need to leave my home specially if i just need to go somewhere near like a local store, or the house of a family member where, while i'm on the way, the people that will see me are people that don't even know me at all.

Now what i want to discuss is, i really don't care about what people will think about me just by looking what i am wearing. What can they possibly know about me and my personality just by looking at my clothes? Do you guys think people can really do this?
I mean, at least i can't say almost nothing about someone's personality just looking the way they are dressed. I can think, for example, that someone likes playing Zelda if they're wearing a Link tshirt but that's it, no more no less.
And of course i kinda care, that's the reason i don't go out of home naked and that's why i use some nicer clothes if i am going to a family reunion for example. But it's most because i learned that i should use then for that kind of situation, not because i'm worried about the deductions people will make about me and that's specially true when it's about people that i don't even know.
Do you guys think my mother is right? It's important to actually care more about what people will think about me and then put clothes that may not cause a wrong impression? And what actually is a wrong impression? What people may think if i just want to use a old confortable short and an onld confortable shirt to go on the market?

No.
Strangers on the street know absolutely nothing about you. But they believe that they do. And what they believe will change the way they treat you. It will have a subtle impact on ordinary, every day things.

In some cases, it can actually be dangerous. An extreme example would be an obviously autistic young man walking alone in an airport with a hoodie ? the cops might just shoot you on sight. It?s like DWB, or ?driving while black,? but replace the word ?black? with ?aspergers.? The least you can do is lose the hoodie until you?re safely on the plane.

If your version of Asperger?s gives you odd mannerisms, that?s already a big strike against you. Don?t do anything to add to it if you can avoid it.
People are crazy and sometimes the best thing you can do is keep your head down and try to blend in. Don't let the predators think that you are an easy, attractive target. Clothing is the easiest part of that.

But you do care about your mother, and she worries about you.
You shouldn't have to cater to other people's insanity, but that's the real world. It ain't fair, but it's there.

Yeah, a lot of times i have just changed my clothes because my mother told me to, but sometimes i couldnt help but think that she was worring too much about this (or maybe its just the fact that i feel really confortable with a blank shirt and a normal sweatpants).
But from what i'm seeing even if it's something very subtle it's still something to care about, even if i don't really understand why.
Thanks for the reply!

As Tahitii explained clothes make an impression on people which can encourage or discourage contact. Thus you adjust your clothing to suit your social desires. When you want to express wealth and high status you groom well and dress in a suit. When you want to express a ?low threat? probability you dress in socially acceptable and non opinionated clothing namely without any wording so just a plain shirt this allows you to blend in much better as well it conveys an I do not wish to be noticed vibe. Conversely you could use it in the reverse find a shirt with a smiley face and a hello on the front this would encourage contact. Badly torn and dirty clothes express a poverty and low status impression people will likely avoid you as a result as they see you of low worth and value to interact with. This may be what your mother picked up on if your clothes were old and badly torn. So it?s really just whether or not you want to give off whatever impression is being represented. Interestingly there have even been some studies that relate how a woman dresses to whether she wants to reproduce or not. The woman who wishes to reproduce presents a more open impression with her clothing rather than the closed off impression you?d get from lets say a skid-doo suit. I imagine a male is similar for it is quite common for animals to adjust their behavior or appearance in an attempt to attract a mate by for example amplifying desired physical qualities. The human is no different. My general rule is to just wear clean and non damaged clothing. Of course my goal is to be seen as neither high nor low in status rather just normal, forgettable and thus easily passed.

I should also mention colour of clothing will also influence impression. Bright and vibrant clothing that stands out because it is not common in your surroundings obviously presents a 'notice me' vibe for example go bright pink or red these are usually not highly represented in your surroundings. On the other hand clothing that is a normal colour which means it is highly represented in the environment presents an 'ignore me' vibe grey's, blacks, browns, etc the darker and less vibrant colours.

i have a son who dresses shabbily while going out i tell him to wear cleaner better clothes
when we visit malls they scrutinise people and allow entry to people if they are well dressed
one day my son was wearing some shabby slippers
the mall guards didnt allow him in
its when i intervened they allowed him
it gets embarassing when such situation comes up

i think when you are going to big places its important to dress well
just walking down till neighbours house would be ok in casual clothes