Learning to alternatives to being insulting to a jerk
I went to an anime convention over the weekend after having a friend bought me a pass. On Friday morning he, a friend of his and two of her friends were riding up an escalator to breakfast. I was in front on the escalator, and my friend was on the tail end of the group. I heard him saying "No" and I turned around. I happened to be another person who I associated with for a while due to not being on good terms with them. My friend does not want him around either because we both agree that
1. He lies all the time
2. He is full of drama
3. He makes and breaks promises to others constantly
4. Everyone and everything else is more important.
5. He is irresponsible
6. He is annoying
7. He is conceited
I looked at him and told him that he F&^*ng sucks. He fired back at me with "Guess what I have a date next week." My friends and I rolled our eyes at each other by saying "Who cares?" My friend looked at me and said "I was hoping to say that to him later on during this con."
I feel bad for doing it and I want to work at not making nasty comments when I feel angry or disappointed in someone. What I would like to do would be to make some witty comments or just plain be polite?
What are some good things to say?
Be calm, be polite, and be moral. People like that are difficult to deal with in any situation, and will eventually lose all of their friends if they continue behaving like they're still in the playground.
He's lying because he wants everyone to be impressed with him, trying to talk him down or outsmart him will only result in him lying even more - possibly even him telling lies about you while you're not around in order to try and isolate you for being a threat to his status. Getting angry will only result in him trying to push your buttons and make you even angrier, and then trying to single you out as being whiney or a drama queen.
The rest of your friends already know what he's like from the sound of things, try not to let him get to you and eventually he'll step way over the line trying to create some sort of drama that will result in him losing everyone's respect.
From the sound of things he does f*****g suck, just leave him to it and assume that everything he tells you is BS until it gets proven otherwise.
After I taunted him, he acted like I was dead to him for the rest of the convention. I did my best to plain avoid him and invest my time talking to others. In fact, I met some other people who were neat, unique and different. He though is too phony.
My other friend and I pretty much avoided him too and just ignored him if he we saw him. He also discussed with me that he would ask him to leave if he tried to come near us.
As for other reasons why I snapped at him was because he had
1. Been leading me around on things
2. He would invite me to things and then I would come only to have him run off on me saying that he had this or that to do.
3. Then he made several excuses about why we could not get together- I wanted to meet you for coffee but I was busy, my mom wanted me to do this or that. etc.
I had asked him to stop contacting me and he kept on doing it even though I had asked him to stop.
Saying that didn?t help either of you.
Using real words is more effective than cussing or name-calling.
Calmly, rationally and, when possible, privately, you would be doing him a favor if you tell him specifically what you don?t like.
Unfortunately, that is not easy to do. I usually can?t. I think it?s part of Asperger?s that I can?t think in real time. Sometimes I can message or e-mail the offensive person later. Most of the time, I just have to let it go.
Writing always helps. I start with what I call a ?therapy letter,? often starting with ?Dear jack a**? or something like that. Most of my therapy letters are never sent; it?s just good to get things clear in my own mind. (And sometimes I send them to WP, as you just did.)
But as I work at it, it becomes more clear and concise and a lot of the cussing is naturally replaced by real words that mean something and are actually stronger. And sometimes the end product is short and sweet and clear enough to actually send.
Of course he will never thank you, but that doesn?t mean he won?t benefit from it. If he replies at all, it probably won?t make any sense and you are under no obligation to continue the conversation. You?ve already made your point. Let him have the last word.
Don't reinforce his behavior. For example: if he lies, don't believe things he says; if he is being dramatic, ignore him. It only turns into a conflict if you react. But sometimes this is unavoidable, like when he is confronting you, so then you have to say something in a calm way.
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