Getting shallow questions from others

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How many of you have noticed this from people at certain places? Instead of attempting to engage with you in a nice conversation, the other person just seems to sit and ask you a bucket load of meaningless questions that feel empty. It's almost more like small talk.

For instance:
1. Are you still living in the same place?
2. Are you right on the bus line?
3. Have you found a job yet.

I really feel like people ask me these questions because they are too nervous to get close to me due to not understanding.

Most NTs engage in shallow small talk, especially if they are aquaintances and don't know you well. I find it annoying as well, but it's standard NT social behaviour.

If you find that you're unable to do it, you can try advocating for yourself and suggest that because of AS (or however you'd like to put it) and explain that your processing differences make this hard for you. I know someone who does this and she has found this technique to be very successful.

Thank you so much. I take it as other people from the outside don't know how to get close or don't know what to say so they ask the most empty questions that they can find. I notice that when I tell them that I am on the spectrum that they start asking the annoying questions.

On Saturday there was a lady sitting next to me at me congregation who just sat and kept asking questions. She did not bother to relate. I finally asked her to stop and felt like she was being a little too nosy.

I don't think whether or not one has found a job is particularly shallow. People are also curious about geographical proximity--not shallow. Aspies should be able to relate to the bit about being on the bus lines.

Even though these questions are not shallow per se, it's still kind of invasive when people ask questions about me. Also, these kind of questions tend to be all over the place so the conversation shifts too much between topics, which drives me nuts. I usually counter these questions by saying "Why are you asking me this? Are you compiling statistics on all people?" and then if they say something like "I'm just trying to make conversation", I can say something like "I don't really want to talk right now", "I don't feel comfortable being asked questions about myself", and/or "let's talk about (insert special interest) instead".

I see what you mean, Mathgirl!

I didn't think about the invasiveness of the questions. But it's what friends ask other friends all the time. Not strangers, of course.

Nice Icon!

It's a social norm to not over-commit to a conversation with someone you're not well acquainted with. Oh and people with low social intelligence (like myself ) have a hard time realizing this, but it's not just what you talk about, but it's the way you talk about it. Basically, you find yourself making a conscious effort to make small talk, some people are going to be feel slightly uneasy that you're overly emotionally about the conversation.

I just exchange monologues with my friends about fixed topics, lol. I guess my friendships are very different from "typical" friendships, then.

Also, there's nothing wrong with these questions if they're asked in a relevant context, i.e. someone wants to give me a ride and asks where I live. A person will probably not remember where I told them I live before and will need to ask again - highly inefficient.

And thanks

I hate small talk too! It bores the hell out of me and makes me feel really awkward... but I have my own solution for it!

Throw them an Aspie flavoured curve ball!

Be weird as f**k.

When people ask me how I am I usually reply "average as, man... how about you?" or something like that. People who don't know me tend to think this means I am doing badly, because the standard response is supposed to be that you are good... so they usually say oh sorry to hear that or something to which I reply, don't be sorry, I'm usually doing averagely and so is everyone else, otherwise it wouldn't be called average. Then I talk to them about how everyone just says they're good and muse about how if you really are good you have to say you're great... then ask if you're absolutely ecstatic and over the freakin' moon, how are you ever supposed to convey that because saying that would indicate to someone you're doing well but not quite to that extreme, and you can't think of a more extreme way to say it!

I like to greet strangers by literally saying "greetings stranger". When people ask me "what do you do?" I give answers like "oh you know, just life-ing around, doing life things, getting my life on... the usual" - it sort of points out how strange I think their vague and predictable question is, and the response seems to shock them out of their pattern of useless shallow questions and cut right into the real talk!

Sometimes it makes them just feel awkward and not know how to respond or just not want to talk to me - but this is also good because chances are I wouldn't have wanted to continue talking to that person anyway and if I make them feel awkward it's kind of a welcome to the club kind of thing. Here, have some awkward, there's enough for everyone!
Sometimes I like just saying really obvious things that it goes against social convention to say deliberately like when there's a big awkward silence I often break it by saying "this is awkward as all hell am I right? Such TENSION!" and kinda wiggle my fingers or make a silly gesture... just cutting through the bullcrap and making people aware of how weird social norms are gives me relief.

Many people actually find this refreshing and acknowledge and appreciate my weirdness. My mistake was in trying to act like a NT before figuring this out.

Ah.....but you are Worthy...You are Opalescent!

I usually counter these questions by saying "Why are you asking me this? Are you compiling statistics on all people?" and then if they say something like "I'm just trying to make conversation", I can say something like "I don't really want to talk right now", "I don't feel comfortable being asked questions about myself", and/or "let's talk about (insert special interest) instead".[/quote]

THANKS, I'm going to use these!

I do the same thing to people when I have nothing interesting to ask them/say. "so how's your garden?" Its just small talk. Nothing of extreme significance and its only purpose is to continue the conversation. Just answer the question as calmly as possible. Not every verbal engagement has to be a deep emotional thing. You have to start with small talk and over time it may become something bigger.

Thank you for the advice! I personally hate it and even avoided going to a Christmas get together because my sister in law's boyfriend's father kept asking me questions after only sitting beside them for a few seconds. I'm un-diagnosed or possibly have nothing to diagnose, but all the same...