Email

Post Reply New Topic

I am trying to communicate with a friend who has Aspergers. He is very willing to talk to me in person and will even hold eye contact for more time than makes me comfortable now, but I can't tell whether I am annoying him over email. I will ask questions and he will give semi-detailed responses and respond within three days, but will never ask any questions in return. I can't tell whether he is continuing the conversation to be polite or whether he is genuinely interested. What would indicate either of these scenarios?

Could you not just ask him? Or say something like "I worry about annoying people by email because I cant tell how the other persons feeling about me, so could you please tell me if I'm being annoying, boring etc". I have to make a conscious effort to ask questions of the other person in email conversation so that they feel its a recriprocal conversation, but its not because I'm not interested in the person or because I dont want to be communicating with them (I wouldnt be if I didnt want to), I'm just more comfortable with the organic conversation and letting them choose what to contribute rather than playing the social dance games of asking each other questions to keep the conversation going. I'll ask if theres something specific I want to know, but generally people tell you so much stuff about themselves and their lives anyway that questions arent needed.

I agree, you should ask. Copy and paste what you wrote here specifically the bits 'I can't tell whether I am annoying him' 'I can't tell whether he is continuing the conversation to be polite or whether he is genuinely interested'. These are very good sentences because they speak of your feelings without being threatening and thus allow him to be honest in a response without pressure.

usually they have comorbidity like PTSD, depression, anxiety, sleep disorders
so they need good mood to reply to mail

i have one person who writes in after a while
but he replies after some days
he says he has such issues due to which he isnt prompt

but yes they have a imposing view
for eg he feels a certain type of treatment as worked for him
and he keeps on insisiting that i should try that
i have already told him it doesnt work for me

but he keeps on insisting
and its irritating
as if he is trying to market and sell something to me

Whos "they"? If you mean "all people with Aspergers" then you're wrong that everyone else usually has the same comorbidities that your one friend has. And how many NTs reply promptly or when theyre in a bad mood or too tired or have other stuff going on? The OP's friend is replying, in a perfectly acceptable timeframe for non emergency contact, and with more detailed responses to questions then just yes or no. Theres only a problem because hes not asking questions back at the moment and the friend isnt used to that. Reading a whole bunch of mental health issues into that is a huge leap.

HW, it's often hard for us to ask questions about people. I know it doesn't come natural for me at all.

I am not too sure about this but the Aspies i interacted with always mentioned comorbodities we should have a separate poll or thread about this
But i feel that definitely most of the Aspies might be having comorbities
Atleast after all the isolation there is tendency to develop depression
Prolonged depression can result in lack of sleep
and Lack of sleep leads to concentration and other issues.