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Asperger96
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26 Aug 2014, 6:17 pm

I've never been good at making friends, but this past year I've made a few using Meetup. Lately, my grandmother has been having reservations about me spending time with them, since I am 18 and they are in their thirties. I have an easier time making friends with people older than me.

I actually feel that I am better off with them, since while they do sometimes party (which I seldom do) and drink (which I never do), they do so in moderation and are more mature than my chronological peers,

I just got back from a 3 night vacation down the Ocean with them, and I have never felt so free and independent. I think the best part is that, while I have always been more mature mentally than my peers, I was never allowed to develop socially, and now I have a social life; not one to be envied, but a social life, nonetheless.

Anybody here have questions, advice, concerns, words of wisdom, or similar experience?



kraftiekortie
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26 Aug 2014, 6:23 pm

I hope they didn't take advantage of you in any way.

I get the feeling you went from somewhere around Maryland to somewhere around South Carolina--for some reason. I like that part of the country.

However, there's nothing wrong, in and of itself, with having friends who are older.

When I was 18-19 years old, I had a relationship with an older women, twice my age. It was nice while it lasted--reminded me a bit of the movie "Summer of 1942." It didn't last long enough, though. She was a poet and drifted into a more psychotic period.

I believe older people could provide insights which will aid you in comprehending the world.



Asperger96
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26 Aug 2014, 6:53 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
I hope they didn't take advantage of you in any way.

I get the feeling you went from somewhere around Maryland to somewhere around South Carolina--for some reason. I like that part of the country.

However, there's nothing wrong, in and of itself, with having friends who are older.

When I was 18-19 years old, I had a relationship with an older women, twice my age. It was nice while it lasted--reminded me a bit of the movie "Summer of 1942." It didn't last long enough, though. She was a poet and drifted into a more psychotic period.

I believe older people could provide insights which will aid you in comprehending the world.


No, my friends are really great. I knew a few of them since I was 17, and they say I don't carry myself as a teenager.

The close ones know I have Asperger's, and often they nudge (or shove) me out of my comfort zone. But they're patient and they enjoy hanging out with me.

:) Yes I'm from Baltimore, Maryland. I gave myself away saying "down the Ocean"



nerdygirl
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26 Aug 2014, 7:12 pm

I also tend to have friends that are older.

Part of the reason is because I had my kids pretty young, so most of the people with kids the same age as mine are a decade older than me, or sometimes more. Part of the reason is because my own personal values tend to fit in better with older people than my own generation. I have always connected better with people outside my own age group.

I also have always been part of a church, so multi-generational interaction has been a part of my life since I was a baby. Even when I was a kid, I considered some people to be my "adult friends."

So, if older people will put up with a youngster tagging along, I'm glad to have them as friends. Older people are quite valuable for a number of reasons!



tarantella64
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26 Aug 2014, 10:57 pm

Bring them by your grandma's so she can have a look, because there may be significant things you're missing.

Most 30somethings have no interest in socializing with 18-year-olds -- and if even if they do they're circumspect about it because they're aware of the inappropriateness. If they're hanging out routinely with very young people generally it's because they're using them or are themselves extremely immature, and maybe involved in things that would not be good for you to be caught up in. There are exceptions but not many.



trollcatman
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27 Aug 2014, 12:56 am

tarantella64 wrote:
Bring them by your grandma's so she can have a look, because there may be significant things you're missing.

Most 30somethings have no interest in socializing with 18-year-olds -- and if even if they do they're circumspect about it because they're aware of the inappropriateness. If they're hanging out routinely with very young people generally it's because they're using them or are themselves extremely immature, and maybe involved in things that would not be good for you to be caught up in. There are exceptions but not many.


I'm not sure about that. Especially when I lived on campus there were many friend groups of very different ages. Since the youngest students are 18 (sometimes younger if they graduated quickly) and the older ones can be 30+, you automatically get mixed groups. People in the student houses are also usually of very different ages. I've lived in the same house with people much older than me, and later on I was one of the old ones.
I also think it's pretty common for single men to be friends with single men of very differing ages. Maybe because their friends "got boring" (in their eyes) because they got kids and so don't go out pubcrawling twice a week anymore. I think for many people that don't have children, they don't really need to grow up as much as the people who do have children.



nerdygirl
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27 Aug 2014, 3:51 am

tarantella64 wrote:
Bring them by your grandma's so she can have a look, because there may be significant things you're missing.

Most 30somethings have no interest in socializing with 18-year-olds -- and if even if they do they're circumspect about it because they're aware of the inappropriateness. If they're hanging out routinely with very young people generally it's because they're using them or are themselves extremely immature, and maybe involved in things that would not be good for you to be caught up in. There are exceptions but not many.


I have some friends that are 15 years younger than me. They are not super close friends (ie. I don't get together with them a lot), but ones I would definitely enjoy hanging out with - going out to dinner, having them over, discussing a movie, etc. just like any other friends. There is one that is recently married, and we have invited her and her husband up to visit and stay with us.

We don't have suspect intentions, and no one has ever found my relationship with any of these people inappropriate.

Some of the relationships started out as professional, but we got along well and got to know each other better. Others started at church.

In my case, the main reason that these relationships became more of a friendship is due to shared interests (arts-related.)

My thought is that Aspies find it difficult to make friends. Find them wherever you can. Different age, different gender, different race, etc. - who cares. Friends = yay!

Being able to be friends with people of all age groups is a good skill for the workplace, too.



Asperger96
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27 Aug 2014, 9:23 am

They don't routinely hang out with much younger people, it's that I routinely hang out with significantly older people. They are more mature and therefore more tolerant of my weirdness. At the same time they can act somewhat childish, so they aren't like serious, immutable people.

They say I carry myself older, so that I seem early twenties