How do you make friends?

Post Reply New Topic

I don't know how to make friends. I've been told that you join discussion groups or "clubs" or something like this but where do I find out about these (if they even exist in this smallish town). Either way, are there any other ways to make friends.
Thank you

Last edited by psybot on 01 Mar 2007, 6:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I've found that starting Online is a good place to start, at least in my limited experience. Although others may suggest other things which I can't think of right now.

Oo, a fellow NZer!

Well, I have more friends online than in real life!
They can be really helpful in times of hardship.

Fat? Wait, what? Are you trying to make fat friends, or make your friends fat? Or perhaps make fat your friend. Hmmm

"How do you make fat your friends"?

Give them lots to eat.

Word.

oh my. how embarrasing. i don't know what i was thinking when i was typing that - though i was in front of the tv. i've edited it to what it was supposed to be.

heh - funny question though - something that borat would ask

Give them to lots eat.

I have made a surprising number of friends considering I'm not sure how I made them. It just worked out somehow. It's a system without a strong rational basis, and I'm not a very intuitive person. I don't understand it, but it's easier with people of similar interests.

I have found acquaintances who will talk to me about music or my other interest for a fair amount of time, despite my lack of eye contact and fumbling with words. But these are hardly friendships, although the relationships that I did consider friendships started out much that way. I guess there's some luck involved. I'm not really sure where to start. I only made friends from school and my neighborhood. Without those options I would never have made friends. I'm too afraid to try conversing with co-workers because I don't want to offend them or lose my job.

Making friends, and what friendship is exactly, still eludes me. I have had people I called friends in the past, but have been without any real life friends for sometime now. It makes for an incredibly lonely and painful existence and without the net and places like this, I think I would probably just opt out of life altogether. My God, but I envy those who can happily live as recluses, rather than being unhappy recluses.

I think one reason people have trouble making friends is the 'self-absorbed' image. In other words, they show no interest in the other people so why would they expect that interest to be returned (imgaine yourself as a mirror - how you are is how people are to you, type deal). One tip is to show some interest in the people you'd like you know but do you best to do it sincerely and not forcibly. Look for something you have in common as thats ALWAYS the best spot (and don't make it the weather).

Some people may try too hard or be too clingy.

Some people may challenge another person 'too often.' If they are wrong, let them be wrong unless you are debating. There is no sense in back tracking and proving to everyone how intelligent you are at someone else's expense. "Calling" someone out in front of people sucks when its 'you' who is being called out - don't call out others.

Learn comedy - it can be learned by anyone and is effective as people enjoy laughing - May also help bullying as it takes away their edge.

Be kind but don't 'fake it' via "niceness." "Nice" is manipulative. Kind is sincere.

Listen to the other people. Yes, you may not enjoy or care about every word they say but they don't care about every word you say, either. If you share stuff in common, listening comes naturally but make an effort because its a trade off. If they constantly talk about stuff you hate then you have the right to return the favour.

If you've felt you've talk in a monologue long enough, stop, and let the other person speak. I get bored when someone rambles for 80 minutes, I get 2 words in, then its another lecture. Be aware of how much yapping you do.

"How to wins friends and influence people" is an old book but one that is extremely helpful.

Alot of my friends I've met first online and then through other friends.




-SpaceCase

If there are subjects you enjoy...

A few examples.

politics.. Join a political party, even the one you don't like can provide you with much to discuss and friends along the way

Cars. There are always groups that form around car (or jeep ) obsessions.

Computers. There are linux groups, mac groups etc to talk with.

Find a few subjects you could enjoy (or at least tolerate) join the on line communities and find local clubs to join. some may not be too close, others you may find in your own town.

Google is a wonderful thing. In many of these groups, you'll find those that have no problem discussing a single subject for long periods of time.

You speak to people and if they have common interests with you, they would be a good friend.

Just talk to them. Let them talk about themselves for a bit. If you like them and they like you there's a good enough chance you've made a friend there.

I just talk to people - about what they like and take an interest and let them talk to me and talk about stuff, works sometimes...