I try to watch and observe people, but it's really hard for me. Most people are just really different, at least where I'm from. It's confusion, and a lot of people are unlogical.
I realize I am blinded by certain things. Like for exmaple, some people see that wearing a t-shirt in innapropriate, and rather wear a turtle neck shirt, but I dont see any reason for this. I think people can wear what they want, as long as it's not something like pants halfway down their legs, or clothes that say anything offensive. I think people focus too much.
I also don't understand that different works but together can have entire different meanings, and I often put the wrong word or words in the wrong order, which confusies people, for example, I was looking at the something on TV, where it said "season final", which meant the final episode of the season, but you you switch it around and said "final season", which would mean, last season of the series. That was easy though.
I also have trouble seeing from others perspectives. Like when I say something, or do something, I can only see it the way I see it. It's a bit a porblem, becuase I oftn see things very differently from other people. Maybe it's just Autism. I feel that I walk into a room and someone is explaining something, and I see from a perspective or understand it differently, even it if it correct. A lot of the time, I feel that I say something in a way that makes sense for me, in a way they I feel gets the message cross perfectly, but others don't understand and are confused. We can see thing things from very different perspectives, it makes it difficult, depending on what it is. I can't really give any examples at this time.
It's hard in general, becuase people are very different from me, have different interest, different energy. Their energy seems to flow more naturally, where for me, I don't know, so I'm guessing, and not sure, and I'm usually toally lost, becuase I don't know if it's the right thing to say to that particular person, I have no idea how they are, or that they'll judge me, but I can usually get a bad vibe from someone, and can sense that they are the judgmental type. It's like a game, or hit or miss, correct response, or fail. Do I tell them to correct answer, or what they want to hear? I honestly, don't know why I try, with fakes, I guess it's becuase I want to make friends, and think for some reason, that it'll work out. Later, I sometimes ask myself, why the heck would I want to be friends with them, if they can't accept who I am? I guess it's that, I feel that good people are rare, that I feel that I ave to try and make friends with fakes, or bullies, that maybe I can somehow bring out the real them, make them genuine, start trusting, and seeing from a different perspective. It has never worked.
Last Thursday, and was looking for a place to deliver a package, and talked to this girl in the elevator. She is really nice, and I just felt really good nergy from her, and can tell she is a good person. I've seen her twice, and wish that I could have gotten to know her. I couldn't stay, becuase I had to go somewhere, and I did'n't know what to say. I felt kinda different, becuase this is very rare for me, to experince that. Not a bad different, just different, becuase it's not what I'm used to. I wish I could get that more often. It was like, I didn't feel awkward at all, my fears/awkwardness went away in the little time I was with her.
11 Aug 2014, 6:27 pm
