Is withdrawal the best option after all?

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While we are always encouraged by NTs and others to develop better social skills, sometimes I wonder if some of us are really capable of improving much in such a thing. Perhaps withdrawal is actually the best option after all for some Aspies? I'm not necessarily advocating complete social avoidance - I understand we must do some socializing simply to survive and earn a living - but perhaps that's all that can be done in some situations, and expecting success beyond that is unrealistic.

Let me explain using myself as an example. I was diagnosed with ASD earlier this week after my second session with a shrink. I had posted here before on occasion, and I decided to come back and interact here again since this is a place just for Aspies, and I thought maybe I'd fit in better here than I do in places for NTs.

So far, however, I haven't really noticed much of a difference here relative to other online forums where NTs predominate. There are some to whom I can relate a little, but I still annoy mostly and don't appear to fit well. Most here seem socially more aware and competent than I am. More interesting and well-rounded. Etc.

It's also very liberal. I'm more conservative, albeit not conservative enough for most conservatives where I live. Liberals tend to act like they are smarter, better, and more enlightened than everyone, and never cease to stop reminding me of that. Conservatives, on the other hand, tend to act like they are more moral, self-controlled, and have more integrity than everyone, and never cease to stop reminding me of that. I can find very few of either camp who tolerate me; I'm usually eschewed. And let's not even talk about NTs in general - I'm not exciting, social, etc. enough to make friends with most of them.

With all of this in mind, again, is not withdrawal the best option? Might it be better to simply stay with my family and fiance and stop trying to reach out socially to others? When I reach out, it usually fails, and I make people mad in some way or another. Why keep doing this if it's going to keep working out that way more often than not? Seems best to just stick to my small family unit, work quietly, remain largely unnoticed, and stop trying to think I'll develop social skills to relate to others or get their respect. Too much continual disappointment there.

So does my solution make sense considering all those elements?

First of all congratulations on being newly diagnosed!

And also on having a fiancee. I'm 37 and still single and no clue how to go about getting out places to meet some nice guys May I ask how you met? I need some inspiration!

I can relate to alot of what you say. I find it takes alot of mental energy to even fake having social skills and sometimes I mentally toss my arms in the air and say 'screw it, I don't have what it takes'... I'm not at all 'socially aware'!

Sorry I'm not more help. I do understand your point and I wonder similar things for myself...

If you crave for a few trustworthy friends in life, social withdrawal is not an option at all, since you need to socially interact with people to meet friends you can trust. But you can manipulate your social environment a bit in order to feel comfortable and safe and so limit the number of people you mix with. Sticking to groups of no more than four or five and avoiding large social gatherings is the way to go. The criteria for friendship is reliability rather than political persuasion. Liberal or conservative plays no part though it might initially draw you to someone. A true friend doesn't judge you. They accept you for who you are. Friendship works two ways. They come to your aid when you need help and you help them when they need help. Maintaining friendships can be hard work. Your life partner is your best friend. Maybe that person is enough for you to be happy.

Hi. Thanks for the replies.

little blue jay - I met my fiance through an online friend who thought we might get along. It definitely wasn't the usual way of getting out places to meet guys. Prior to that, I'd been to college for a couple of years and never had a "boyfriend" or anything like that throughout adolescence. He and I are still "long distance," to an extent, after ten years of our relationship (he lives about 110 miles from me and we only get to see each other once a month for a weekend, typically), but it works. I'm very thankful to have him or else I'd be almost completely socially isolated outside of my family unit.

progaspie - I've been wondering lately that my life partner may be all that I need. Society insists and expects people to have friends outside the marriage unit, but why is this necessary? It doesn't seem to be. Hopefully he and I can spend every day together at some point.

...

A mixed bag. When it comes to ASD and socializing, the problem area is usually communication and reaching a common understanding, not wanting to be left alone. Those who can handle everyday social settings are probably fine either way, regardless of how much your everyday person panics at the thought of a more solitary life.

It's hard to enjoy life when you're surrounded by constant stress, though. Someone who can't escape from arguments, feeling out of place, misreading enemies as friends, and other things would have more peace on their own. I don't know if they'd necessarily be healthier or happier. Some would. Others might benefit from just dialing it back a bit and not giving socializing so much priority in their life so that they're faced with less wasted time and energy.

Most people have "group identities". That is, they have sets of opinions and beliefs that align with a particular group, and they often see the group as themselves in a way and might try to be more like it. Others don't, and will find less belonging in groups.