Hey, everyone. My name's Chris. I'm 17, and my asperger's fixation is currently making my comic, which can be found at Drunk Duck.
Anyways, on to my situation.
For the most part, I've learned fairly well how to cope with having AS. Most people just tell me I'm lazy and shy, not autistic whatsoever. Most of my friends in real life... well, aren't friendly, but I'm fine with that--they have funny antics which makes up for it.
I've had one friend over the internet, whom I've communicated regularly with for something around a year and a half. She's a good fellow, and sometimes even considers the possibility that she herself may have AS.
Now, for 90% of my friendship with her, things have been great. We have the most badass conversations about just about anything. I don't feel attracted to her sexually, but I strongly appreciate her existance, and the ability to discuss things with her.
Recently, because I have trouble with doing anything but drawing in school, my parents took me to a doctor who's been giving me some meds. We started out with 10mg Prozac daily. It was great, I was deliriously happy. But it wasn't for dealing with depression, it was for keeping me from fixating too strongly on drawing when we came around to finally adding the Aderol(sp?) which was supposed to help me be motivated to work in school.
Eventually, as we started adding the Aderol and playing around with the various dosages of Aderol and Prozac, I'd go through periods of emotional confusion. I'd find myself compassionate about things that normally I'd not care about. I'd go through periods of stark despair. I even started to think I'd fallen in love with the aforementioned friend, even though normally, I'd just say to myself, "Oh, damn you, Chris. She lives 3,000 freaking miles away." But that no longer happened--the realistic side of me disappeared. It's not that she's not a nice attractive young woman, it's just that she lives too damn far away, and I'm normally not even willing to consider that kind of thing. That, and there's like a cardinal rule that you don't go to the internet for dating.
So for a week, while I was experimenting with the meds, I continued to talk with my friend. She was naturally, as I would be in the same situation without the meds, feeling rather awkward when I admitted to her that I found her attractive. And whenever I'd bring up the depression, she'd tell me to relax and stuff, which was nice, but I couldn't help but feel like I was weirding her out.
Eventually the meds finally hit rock bottom on my mood. I was about to commit suicide. I literally posted a blog entry of my suicide note, and then started to walk away. I didn't actually commit suicide, because for some reason, going for a walk just listening to music for a few hours, besides being exhasting in the San Diego sun, is rather comforting and makes me feel content. But by the time I got home, she'd already read the note, and was freaking out.
Now I have policemen hounding me to get counseling. She told her parents about the problem, they recommended it, and it has good reason behind it, but frankly, I'm fine now. She tells me she's been advised to keep distant from me. Which, of course, meant blocking me on AIM, moving her blog, and removing me from her myspace friends list.
Now, I'm a man of reason. I don't feel fine just accepting that I can't talk with my good friend anymore. I truely would like to be able to continue our friendship. I don't want any weird online relationship, just a good friendly one.
So what should I do? If I've offended her too greatly in all of this, I'd at least like to be able to have one final discussion about it. If I have even a small chance at rekindling any hopes for a friendship, I'll take it. She's a good person. I have a lot of respect for her.
Oh, and if anyone's curious, her AIM username is italianagirl651. If you talk to her for me, be brief and polite, and simply tell her that Chris is fine now, and has learned how to deal with this.
Last edited by Khraese on 14 Mar 2007, 9:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.
14 Mar 2007, 5:40 pm
