Old Friend Said He Feels "Awkward" Around Me...

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I am a first-year transfer student at a university. The person I'm talking about is a freshman.

I befriended him on Facebook back in April. Before long, we began texting each other, and we texted a lot over summer like we were really good friends. As the school year came closer, I really started to look forward to meeting him in person.

Welll...

When we both moved into our dorms, I noticed that I didn't hear from him as often. That was because he was hanging out with his other friends. I'd text him asking if he wanted to hang out, and he'd often text back several hours later saying he was already hanging out with friends. A couple of times, when I'd cross paths with him on campus (and both times he was with a friend or friends), I'd say hi and walk with him a little bit, trying to make small talk and attempting to talk to his friends as well. He texted me about this shortly afterward, saying it was awkward that I'd "follow" him a little because he was with his friends.

Well, things didn't get better after that.

A couple of weeks ago, a friend of mine and I played sand volleyball with him and his friends. I noticed that he didn't say a damn word to me throughout the whole game, and he even left without so much as saying "hey" or "bye" to me. That kind of pissed me off, and I told my friend (who was playing on his team) about that. She said she overheard him making a gay joke about me during the game to his friends (he knows that I'm gay and he himself could be a little bicurious, by the way).

I called him out on that via text, asking if he had a problem with my being gay. He said it was awkward to be around me. I asked why, and he said it's been awkward pretty much since the first week and there wasn't really a way I could fix it. He did admit to making the gay joke, at first saying it was a joke, then finally saying, "Whatever. I'm sorry." We haven't spoken since.

Do y'all think I did anything wrong? Maybe I did sort of overstep my boundaries by walking with him a little when I saw him with his friends? Or maybe he was just overreacting? This is why I hate having Asperger's sometimes. There's no denying I do some weird s**t sometimes, but I don't think I've ever lost a friend over it (as much as I'd hate to jump to that conclusion).

Should I try to make amends with him eventually? Or should I just forget about it? I'm not going to lie, I did like him a lot, and it really bothers me that things ended up this way.

Forget it, imo. Also, it's hard to say if you had done something weird/wrong when we're only hearing your side of the story, so I'll say that it's possible.

I think it is also possible that this guy never intended to have a "real life" relationship with you of any kind and finds it awkward to see you in person because it reveals his motivations.

Regardless of whether you did anything wrong or not, I would forget this guy. He doesn't come across as sincere, according to your story. A real friend would tell you you did something wrong, give you a chance to amend your ways, and forgive you.

I will try to explain this.

He obviously communicated online and via texting that he considered you a friend, but when you both got back to school, his other friends became the priority. If he sees you, it could bring up guilt, either for leading you on into thinking that you would have a real-life friendship, or because he has since changed his mind and decided that he'd rather be with his other friends than you.

He may not know why he feels awkward, and could easily blame it on you even if you are not doing anything to really cause it.

You are right; walking with him and his friends for a short time is not enough to cause a friendship to deteriorate. If he thought it was awkward for you to be walking with them, it is because he didn't want you there. He was feeling "awkward" because he couldn't get rid of you quickly. Someone who likes another person or wants that person around will NOT feel "awkward". Instead, that person will introduce the new person to his friends and try to foster conversation between everyone.

Now, if you did anything the first week to make him feel like you were hitting on him, then that would be a problem.

He may also be afraid that if his friends knew he had some sort of close relationship with you that they would assume that there was some kind of romantic relationship going on. That could be very troubling for someone who is not gay.

Either way, unless you did something specific the first week, the awkwardness is probably a feeling that this guy has that he either can't or doesn't want to explain, so he makes it seem like you are causing it.

Thanks for your perspective.

I do wonder why he would want to "get rid of me" when I show up and he's with his friends.

Before school started, all we did was text. Are you saying it could be weird for him to see me in person? I have noticed that I tend to be a lot shyer in person.

You can ask him, but it seems like you already have and he hasn't been forthcoming.

In that case, he is not being a good friend and I would suggest moving on.

Good friends will try to fix a problem and only ditch the other person if it can't be worked out.