Do you ever long for caring friends and family?

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I find myself to be fascinated with movies, television shows, or even real-life stories of close-knit groups of friends or families. The thing is I have never in my life personally experienced either. My family didn't know I was an Aspie and branded me as a weirdo, constantly judging and criticizing me, except for my Dad and older sister, both of whom are now dead. As for friends, I was the kind of kid and teen who really had only one friend at a time, couldn't fit into groups and as an adult I have managed to connect with a few select people but they don't live in the same place as me anymore. Most of my friends really don't give a s**t about me when it comes right down to it anyhow it seems, at the end of the day I am on my own. I thank God for my fantastic husband, my true soul mate, because I sure don't have any real friends, the kind that are a "shoulder to cry on" or who will jump in and lend a hand when you need help, most of them would just be "too busy" if I ever asked them. I wonder how people go about making friends like that? I try to be a good friend to others, listening to their problems etc. but I still seem to attract the "don't give a damn" types. It must be nice to feel truly wanted, valued and unconditionally accepted. Can anyone relate to this?

I think I kinda unconsciously longed for a functional family as a young child because I was really into the Brady Bunch, like fascinated that they weren't dysfunctional.

Now, I don't care at all.

I've had a few close friends in the past, but I used to be very resentful of people with big social circles - especially the ones who were weird or obnoxious and still loved. It seemed unfair that some could fail or act out and face very few consequences if they had enough to offer those around them.

This jealousy lessened once I realized it's a surface comfort and I couldn't count on them for what I needed, at least not the way I could count on myself. Other people can say nice things, but they can't make my problems go away, give me an answer, or give me (real) security. My writing, my career, my peace of mind, my privacy, and more are things others can only cause a mess if trusted with.

They get their social life with a hearty helping of drama and disappointment on the side, and I get my quiet.

When I was a child, I only ever longed for that "best friend" ideal. Since I've become seemingly too old for that, I have only ever longed for a significant other.

it was around my 14th birthday when i fantasized about having a perfect - female best friend. i spent an entire 6 hour long car ride making up stories of us and establishing how we met, etc.

i do admit i sometimes like the idea of accepting a large helping of drama and disappointment along with a huge social circle (i have dealt with large amounts of drama from one person). but i do not truly believe it. i like how i can deal with having nobody to hug and talk to at times, and seeing others whine and cry when they seem to be slipping into a similar position.

the two people i'm closest to have their very own social webs and best friends. they are both female, all my life i have gotten along with girls better than guys but the trend seems to be changing somewhat.
when they come to me for advice i am at first clueless about what to say. as much as i would like to be, i'm not very good with support but it seems to be enough for them.

I had a decent social group until I was 13, but even the people in it would I viewed as my closest friends and was very fond of, I knew that I was always at max 4 or 5 on their close friends list. I think the negative feels that friends always brought me with them was not worth it.

I always used to wish other peoples parents were mine. My parents were messed up. I was always jealous of the strong sense of love they had for one another and how they would do anything for each other.

For sure.

These are things I am learning to take responsibility for.

I mean there's only so much initiative you can take, but in the end..it's just people

Last edited by muslimmetalhead on 27 Sep 2014, 3:02 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Often. But I know it is an unrealistic goal for me.

Family: all the time, especially parents. There are acquaintances I wish I could be closer to but past experience has shown me that I am not a very good judge of who is "safe" to confide in. And there have been so many people who just suddenly stop talking to you and ignore you. I have made up "fantasy relationships" with others since I was in elementary school and devising ways to interact with them. I tried to stop these fantasies when I realized how "childish" it was but that didn't last long. Now I recognize them as being a natural coping reaction/method and as part of myself. The part that is sad about it is that none of it is real, no matter how much I want it to be.

^^^^^^^

In addition to Aspergers I have afew other mental things & some physical disabilities that my parents weren't fully aware of, let alone understood. My parents are also very independent & have strong hard-working ethics & cant fully grasp why I have problems doing lots of things. Because of all this I had lots of fights with them & we never had a close relationship as a result. My girlfriend sometimes comments how they criticize me somewhat jokingly & put me down a lot. As a kid I wished I was in a different family that was alot more caring & understanding but nowadays I'm just happy I'm living with my girlfriend instead of my parents. I sometimes wish I had friends but am glad I don't at times too; it kind of fluctuates.