Stress and Ability to Speak

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When I'm stressed or anxious, I'm like one of those dolls with buttons you can press to hear a pseudorandom recording from a predetermined list.

When I'm really stressed and at the edge of my ability to speak at all, I'm like one of those dolls still, but with my recordings jumbled up with random things that are not always true or even reasonable mixed in.

Many people, including my own mother (who stresses me with her very presence), think bad things about me because I felt forced to talk when I shouldn't have or because they hit me with a loaded or leading question while I was stressed and got either the answer they were looking for our something random said to get away.

When I'm stressed and someone accuses me of something, the accusation (no matter how far from true) will stick because I can't defend myself.

Is this how other people feel?

I've been there quite often. My memory isn't the greatest as it is, but sometimes my brain to mouth wiring completely short circuits.

yeah, see my signature.

all the time. i can think of retorts and ways to defend myself when i'm separated by time and a screen but when i'm being interrogated and being stared at i nearly shut down, and anything said against me sticks because i was not able to think of a counter argument in time that's better then the simple denial "NO" or "THAT NEVER HAPPENED" because those never convince.

Yes, and this helps me to understand myself a little more, too. Becasue I do have times I'm unable to speak and will just agree witha bout anything someone says just so I don't have to deal with it.

What's interesting is, In the last decade or so I've figured out that I can, when too stressed, still do a stuffed animal voice from one of those I talk with about different things (since I use different voices). I have never tried to use this with other humans but will sometimes pray like this, and praise the Lord I believe He understands since He made me. (And it's really me doing it, i know, I just do it weirdly. )

So, I have developed better patterns for things so I don't freeze up like that as I used to, but separating myself from a couple friends who turned from really nice in high school to vulgar, mean, and raunchy later really helped, as they probably caused the most stress of anything. I have plenty of good friends who are so nice and fun and who understand my goofiness.