Defriended

Post Reply New Topic

So I went to a wedding yesterday with an autistic friend. He is the groom's brother. It was held a half hour out of town. We got a ride in with his parents at 2pm and there was supposed to be a bus taking people back at 7pm. So I estimated six hours max. I have a new dog and I didn't want to leave him longer than that. Plus I hate weddings. He was clear that I was doing this to support him.
Of course the whole event was overwhelming. I only knew my friend and his parents. So it was hard. But overall I think things went well. I was extremely pleasant and engaging with everyone and did not get drunk.
So 7pm comes and goes and everyone's having a good time. Turns out the bus won't be there until 8:30 and wouldn't leave until 9pm.

So, we both figured I would get a ride with someone leaving early, if that should happen before the arrival of the bus.

I know, stick with me, I'm getting there:

At 8:10 we stepped out of the farm house where the reception was taking place and I told him I was going to wait in the driveway until I caught a ride. He went off looking for someone who he thought might be heading out. Well, about 15 minutes later there was no sign of him and a car pulled out to head back to town.

I asked for a lift and they said sure. Yay! But my friend was nowhere to be seen. I took the ride. He doesn't have a mobile so when I got home I sent a message to his FB address that I was home safe.

This morning I got up and went to check that he got the message and he not only had defriended me, but entirely blocked me from his profile so I couldn't even message him.

My question: Should I have passed on the ride because I was unable to get to him and tell him I found one? I have to assume he thinks so. And I have to admit that I was slightly desperate to get home to my dog. My judgement may have been clouded by this. He must be really angry to have taken this defriending action.

Did I do the wrong thing?

No I don't think you did anything wrong. You made it very clear to him that you were waiting outside in the driveway area while he went to find someone. He never showed back up or even had someone tell you what was going on.

You also reached out and explained the situation to him and he overreacted. Just give him some room and see if he unblocks you. Then ask if you did something to put him on offense.

Thanks ... that was my take on it too. I felt bad not to say goodnight to him, but I didn't want to miss the opportunity of a ride when it appeared.

I will give him some time and see if he refriends me.

He still hasn't surfaced and frankly I'm a bit irked. He knows it was a big deal for me to attend. Perhaps I am well rid if this is how he handles conflict.

Do you have a phone number or mailing address? Sometimes you can call or write to someone like that and ask what you did wrong to put the other person on offense.

I could call him, but I'm not sure if it's appropriate for me to. He has made it quite clear he does not wish to contact me via FB. And he has my number should he choose to call.

I think I will sit on it for a bit and give him a chance to recover. If I called him now and he is still angry we will fight.

I see your point there but one phone call with a voice mail might be appropriate. After that just leave him alone. If he is going to treat you like that then you know that he had internal problems of his own.

You are a female. He is a male. He invited you to a wedding.
An invitation to a wedding by a member of the opposite sex constitutes a date. I'm guessing he had some romantic ideas about how the evening might go, and is now disappointed and embarrassed.
But that's not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong.

Normally I would agree, but not in this case. At one point during the mingling he told me he doesn't see us having a romantic relationship. Then he tried to fix me up with his brother.

It just occurred to me that I may have missed the boat on this one. He may not have any long term relationship plans, but he may have wanted casual sex. That would explain why he kept putting his arm around me and touching me. I am so obtuse! The reason I missed this is because I had been so clear about my desire to be home by a certain time. But he may have thought I'd forget about it and get drunk. (Ten years too late there.)



I may have to call, but I'm not sure what to say.

Well I sucked it up and called him.

I explained my position - he explained his - I apologized for causing him grief. He is considering resuming the friendship.

Honestly, I'm supposed to go to another wedding tomorrow - I can't even imagine what faux pas I will outdo myself with this time.

I don't envy you.

Every time I got to a wedding, I gorge on the appetizers, since the main course always is an anticlimax.

I haven't been to a wedding in over ten years--I'm glad for that!

I was so proud of myself for not getting drunk too.

Well am expecting to get some sort of de-freinding today, not sure I will see any reason to keep living after this.....I mean as messed up as it is I was trying to keep in mind I had people who care who I don't want to hurt. Well I feel now they either don't or if they do I am too much of a burden so either way IDK.....not something I deal with too well I guess, so guess I could understand feeling bad about that.

I am sorry to hear things aren't going great, Sweetleaf. Try to remember that what you are feeling isn't permanent - you will eventually feel good again even if you don't think so now.

How is it going with the idiots at the health facility?