Damned if I do, damned if I don't

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If I act outgoing and like myself people don't seem to respond well to me. They ignore a lot of the things I say and they interrupt me. Or they try to "correct" my behavior. When I was a kid people used to treat me like I was younger or bully me. Not a lot of people get to see the real me, so I'm not entirely sure if I'll get that reaction. Especially not people my age. I avoid people my age and I often go partially mute whenever they talk to me. It's like I have to struggle to get any words out.

Most of the time I just act shy and quiet. I'm not a naturally shy or introverted person. I just avoid people because they frustrate me and treat me weirdly most of the time. It drains a whole lot of energy when I try to pretend to be shy or force myself not to talk. I also notice that some people are patronizing when I look shy, anxious or depressed to them. Apprently people think it's a good idea to be "warm and inviting" to shy people. Well to me that just looks fake and patronizing.

Sometimes when I feel just right and find the right people I socialize just fine. I notice that my energy gets boosted, the other person doesn't ignore or interrupt me and I don't act too shy or take over the conversation. If every interaction could be like this I would probably have a normal social life and be way happier.

It's the opposite for me as to what you've just described.

I'm naturally very shy and when I was younger, I was able to communicate with people more easily. If I tried to become more outgoing, e.g. smiled at them instead of lowering my gaze to the ground; trying to start a conversation etc, people would respond well to me. However, it was very exhausting and I wouldn't be able to keep it up for long before I became my shy and introverted self again.

But if I'm myself - very shy and quiet, it seems to put people off. Now, if someone that I hardly know tries to communicate with me, I often end up dropping my head to the ground and can barely get a word out, stim with my puzzle toy and resort to using an app on my phone that speaks for me or sign language. It usually puts people off and they avoid me after that.

The situation of being unable to be yourself is very frustrating.

I can relate to the problems with smiling. When my face has a neutral expression I look grumpy and miserable. I often get a neutral expression when I'm feeling tired, relaxed, bored, no particular emotion, or I space out. This means that a lot of people will ask me if I'm okay when I'm fine. If I'm unlucky they'll ask me when I'm spaced out or tired. I have a hard time giving good responses when I'm too tired or spaced out. I try to act "okay", but it just isn't convincing. Sometimes I feel tempted to tell them to fck off.

It is the same for me too. Because I usually find it difficult to use and understand facial expressions, my face often has a neutral expression. But I've been mistaken for miserable, or sad, or unhappy or even crying.

When I'm tired, I often space out too and get caught in school lessons for this. My responses aren't usually good because I'm thinking of my bed and am lost in my own world. Sometimes, if I get too much attention, I want to run and hide.

I was just thinking about this earlier but it's not about personalities. For me it is about telling or not telling people that I live on the spectrum.

1. Not telling gives people the idea that I am odd, weird, quirky, or whatever.

2. If I do tell people seem to swarm me about having this service or that service while asking really nosy things.

I'd rather people think I'm weird than disabled. It's a pretty easy choice for me. I often notice that people are "nicer" to me when they know my label or see me in a special ed room. I know that it's kind of fake. They want to satisfy their maternal or caring side, not actually get to know me. They probably also want to get to know me because I'm "exotic" to them. All of this leads to people treating me more like a mascot than an actual team member.

I just never understood why N.T's see us this way.

Whenever we are apathetic/indifferent, we seem to come off as cold, p*ssed off or depressed.

But then when we actually DO express our emotions and show our more happy and positive side, they see us as 'innapproperiate acting' and at worst immature. (I can be very happy and jokey but come across as annoying sometimes).

It's very embarrassing and patronizing, they think it must be a big deal if you go to a special ed room and stuff like that. Honestly, my advice is to ignore these people and don't worry about what they think.

What I always do is just say that I'm a "hipster" lol. It might be hard, but it works to humourusly pass off any negative comments from other people.

When I was in school, I was teased, bothered, and bullied all the time.

I've always said "screw you" to somebody who questions what I'm interested in.

I'm interested in what I'm interested in--no questions asked!

My face actually does look miserable and grumpy when it's neutral. I just wasn't aware of it until I took some pictures of myself with a neutral expression. When I'm tired and happy I look immature and strange, but if I'm energetic and happy I look very NT. What I mean by energy is mental energy. I could be very hyper, but low on energy or sleepy, but high on energy.

Being reserved is the best thing that's happened to me as it prevents me from accidently interrupting and alienating those around me. Socially appropriate behaviour also gets a chance to build relationships. I have become a master a viewing and observing other people so I have good strategies to formulate appropriate social response.

Oh I know it. It is amazing how many people do not realize they are in violation of ADA rights and laws when they start treating you as a "Disabled person."

Last year I had gone on an interview at a Kid's salon looking to do front desk type of work. It was just the owner and I and so I thought it was the best to tell her. Rather than looking at me as a person and acknowledge my honesty I got harassed.

She asked really inappropriate questions.

1. Where are your parents?
2. Do you have anyone helping you buy groceries?
3. Do you have a social worker?
4. Do you live with anyone?

Her response was so ditzy when I told her that people on the spectrum can prove to live on their own. "Wow, you mean to tell me that people like you do all those things?"

When I hired:

She got this idea that I was more gullible than I really am when she tried to take advantage of me. It was when she learned that I had street smarts that she backed off. She also was not properly educated and did not understand so she started brushing me off.

That sounds horrible. Because of people like her I've developed a sixth sense that detects when someone will react like that.

You learn after awhile what people are like.

That's why I avoid disclosing. Even when I disclose minor stuff like anxiety people still act weird. Mainly because they pay too much attention to me and try to calm me down. I hate when people do that.

This is a lot what I am like, I talk a lot at home, but when I'm at school, I usually don't talk in class unless someone talks to me first or asks a question directed at me. But if I'm with a friend, then its different.