Fear that others dislike me

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Hi, everybody.

I have some social anxiety and lately I've had this feeling that people dislike me even when they tell me they like me. This causes me to stay home and not enjoy my time with people.

Does this have a name?

paranoia? I have avoidant personality disorder and I feel this.

I definitely feel intensely that way when I am stressed. It's paranoia, that's for sure.
Though for the last year or so, I had adopted a new approach to friendships: regret the things you haven't done. I would say I had developed some closer friends (they talked about fairly private stuff with me). People who hate you won't do that.
It actually takes intense effort to hate someone but pretend to be buddies; these people exist, but are rare.
So... I guess you have to break that barrier. I did run into some as*holes along the way, but the chances are you will also find great companions and friends as well.

This fear - whatever you call it - is not entirely irrational. I have met some people who have later told me that actually they don't want to be my friends any more, and other twofacedness. Sometimes I have accidentally offended somebody.

Everybody does that sometimes so I shouldn't feel too bad about it, even if it is connected to Asperger's. And if people are two-faced, then they don't deserve my friendship either. Still, thoughts of positive things being a sham draws out much of the pleasure from social events. It's so difficult to "let go". It's not that severe so I wouldn't call it paranoia. Still, certain type of social anxiety.

unfortunately, janus jaws are predominant in society. a safe presumption is that most everybody you meet is likely to be at least two-faced until proven otherwise.

I don't think it's paranoia but more of a phobia. You are scared of being hurt because you've in the past so that creates a phobia.

I have this problem too, I find i avoid contact with people unless they make an effort to come to me which usually ends up with me being on my own a lot. I avoid going over talking to people for fear of rejection or at least my perceived rejection. I struggle with reading people which probably makes it worse for me.

I often felt that people at work didn't like me much, and that they felt I wasn't really "one of them."

I think there's likely some truth in it for most Aspie. My fix is to be very selective and only associate with people who seek me out for company (thus proving that they like me). Of course I end up with few friends that way, but it's better than having a thousand "friends" who think I'm not quite all there and don't really value me. Of course in the workplace I couldn't easily pick and choose, which partly explains why I quit.

On the other hand, I think I have something like a persecution complex, though it's more of an "indifferent to ToughDiamond" complex, as I don't think they're plotting to hurt me. I think I'm always going to be a disappointment to most NTs. I don't even like sport. But I don't much care. I don't want to be the life and soul of the party. It gets very lonely sometimes but if I want to be with people more, I just have to get off my butt and be more outgoing with carefully-selected individuals. If it was that bad, I'd be doing just that.

@ToughDiamond, I know what you mean about work, I recently started a new job having previously worked outside as a builders labourer, I took a job in a small factory where I really feel the prejudice and group tightness thing going on. 3 of us started around the same time, 1 the same week and 1 a week after and they have been put through their stacker and passed all their other skills before me so they are on 4 pay rises above me now. when I complain, the boss says she simply forgot and I will be put on the other jobs and through the stacker truck test the next time round. I'm a very hard worker and more so than most but I seem to get treated differently and I think its mainly because I dont have the crack with them and basically kiss ass to the boss but just keep my head down and work hard.while the others get to rotate and do different jobs, I seem to get stuck doing the mundane stuff but also I'm not very good at complaining or arguing the point but you would think if you work hard the rewards would come. I really put it down to not fitting in to the group but I find small talk very difficult. sorry if I hijacked the thread a little from the OP.

I always worry about not being liked. Admittedly most people do like me and are civil and friendly, but in most work places there's always one of those people (usually a woman) who is very socially skilled and can behave rude and grouchy and absentminded but still knows how to get everybody to like them. And it's usually those sorts of people who think I am beneath them, and start to patronize me or moan at me all the time or treat me like I'm less important than everyone else, and because this person is so good at having all the love and attention, other (mostly extroverted) people don't really notice how that person is making me feel and so they inadvertently start to ignore me. Some really nice, quieter people may notice me more and be more nice to me. But I know that there will usually be one of those types of people at a work place, which is why I'm so afraid to find a new job. At the job I'm in now there has been a woman a bit like that but because it's such a big place I work in and the work involves being on your own a lot, I didn't have much to do with her, and most, if not all, people there do like me and I do feel rather accepted. But people might not be as nice at a different job, and I might feel lonely and left out. And going somewhere where I feel lonely and ignored really does get to me and makes me feel depressed. I really wish I didn't have to work at all.

I live by this one simple credo: You cannot please the world.

Well, the OP should be the judge, but your reply seems to be on topic, and I for one find it interesting. It describes the same thing that the OP describes, and offers some detail about how these feelings of alienation can happen to autistic people. What more could anybody desire?

Yep.....that's the world, in a nutshell (on topic!! !! !!)

I've had similar things happen to me--many times. I've learned to "get around" that using various methods (which reveal themselves through experience).

In my work experience, there's always been somebody with some kind of authority over me who has made me feel threatened and wish they'd not turn up. It would spoil my day if I had to have anything to do with them. Mostly low-level bullying to reassure them of their place in the pecking order and to get me to do more or to do things I didn't want to do or didn't know how to do, making me work later than contracted, to do whatever it may take to achieve management targets. Generally though, the rest of the staff have had the same treatment, and some weren't able to defend myself as much as I was, although I felt I'd not been anything like successful enough in fighting back.

The common enemy gave common ground for whinging sessions about it, which at least softened my feeling of being an outcast, but there was little appetite for collective resistance, and that put a rift between us because I wanted us to defeat the bullies. It wasn't all the time, but enough for me to feel that I was in a dystopian environment. All I wanted was to do an ordinary day's work for an ordinary day's pay, without politics, without moving the goalposts, just chat to folks here and there.

The all-white groups were I think nastier than the multiracial groups, I guess because I didn't stand out as being particularly odd, and some of the foreign folks felt very safe because they were more polite and respectful. But I never felt I belonged, and stopped wanting to very quickly.

I have no fear on this - I know that my co-workers and family dislike me for my views on society and politics. Screw them, it's mutual.