Page 1 of 1 [ 11 posts ] 

crystalc1973
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 9 Oct 2013
Age: 51
Gender: Female
Posts: 64
Location: Montego Bay, Jamaica

06 Dec 2014, 4:07 pm

Has anyone else found that their so-called friends really don't give a rat's behind at the end of the day, and when you most need support, they are not there for you? Sure, if they have problems they want you to listen, but the moment your life isn't going so well, they are all too quick to ignore you. Friends in real life seem to be a far cry from friends in movies and tv shows, where they would go out of their way to help each other in need. Some people only seem to want friends whose lives are going great and they are filled with happiness, anyone else such as those who struggle with a disability and deal with obstacle after obstacle they don't care about. Do you find that you feel truly all alone at times?


_________________
Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 138 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 74 of 200
You are very likely neurodiverse (Aspie)


i_wanna_blue
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 9 Aug 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,113

07 Dec 2014, 4:41 pm

Yeah I can understand. Most people who are successful, popular don't bother about having some low life like me for a friend. When I do make friends though things tend to change in one of two ways. In time they realise I was a decent friend in the start, but if they wanna make it to the top, they need friends of that ilk, so they usually ditch me, or something changes in their live and they find the best person to give the boot would be me. The second one I don't quite understand since if something bad happened to you (which had nothing to do with me), why make me the scapegoat? But it happens a lot so I suppose I must be to blame in some way, even though I can't seem to understand why.

At the moment I have two real friends, but I'm not sure how long that will last. I don't want more since it just brings a whole lot of uncertainties I would rather not deal with. I think when you're suffering with a disability or obstacles you become more needy for friends and perhaps you see someone as a friend, but they don't see you that way. But it's part of life. I don't think anyone in the world can truly say they had a friend that stuck by them from start to finish, no matter what. It's a shame but it's a reality of being a human.



xenocity
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 8 Dec 2014
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,282
Location: Metro Detroit Michigan

08 Dec 2014, 5:34 am

Most people don't understand and are put off when people have mental health disorders and/or ASDs.
It makes them feel very uncomfortable and they tend to distance themselves from people.

People just have trouble accepting with people with disabilities.
I personally think it is primal, left over from early years of humanity.
This also occurs in other animals too.

My friend had issues with helping me outside of college classes in the physical sense because he doesn't like to do things he doesn't like to do.
In part his parents gave him everything, which gave him this behavior pattern.
Though to be fair he is like this with everyone and he is gradually getting better.
He isn't as self centered as he used to be, which I'm told is due to my influence.

Though as a person who has physical and mental issues along side AS, having a disability is like being marked for life.
Most people will hold it against you, even if it is subtle.

With that said there are genuinely good people who will accept you, but they are few and far between.


_________________
Something.... Weird... Something...


lapinmort
Tufted Titmouse
Tufted Titmouse

User avatar

Joined: 10 Apr 2012
Gender: Male
Posts: 28

08 Dec 2014, 6:44 pm

It is hard to make real friends, much easier to make acquaintances. Any of us could go through life without ever finding a true friend. So if I were you, I'd simply use the acquaintances for my convenience until some show the potential to become friends. By using them for my convenience, I mean satisfy a more or less immediate need. For example if I want to shop for clothes, I would use an acquaintance who has good tastes. If I want to play video games, I would call an acquaintance who likes playing, and so on... but I wouldn't put myself in a tizzy for any of them unless I knew they'd do the same for me. :D

crystalc1973 wrote:
Has anyone else found that their so-called friends really don't give a rat's behind at the end of the day, and when you most need support, they are not there for you? Sure, if they have problems they want you to listen, but the moment your life isn't going so well, they are all too quick to ignore you. Friends in real life seem to be a far cry from friends in movies and tv shows, where they would go out of their way to help each other in need. Some people only seem to want friends whose lives are going great and they are filled with happiness, anyone else such as those who struggle with a disability and deal with obstacle after obstacle they don't care about. Do you find that you feel truly all alone at times?



Hansgrohe
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2013
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 329
Location: Oakland, CA

09 Dec 2014, 1:24 am

i_wanna_blue wrote:
Yeah I can understand. Most people who are successful, popular don't bother about having some low life like me for a friend. When I do make friends though things tend to change in one of two ways. In time they realise I was a decent friend in the start, but if they wanna make it to the top, they need friends of that ilk, so they usually ditch me, or something changes in their live and they find the best person to give the boot would be me. The second one I don't quite understand since if something bad happened to you (which had nothing to do with me), why make me the scapegoat? But it happens a lot so I suppose I must be to blame in some way, even though I can't seem to understand why.


Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started.

I mostly stay away from popular people and such. Sorry, but if I get "that" kind of vibe from you, I'm not talking to you. Bad experiences.

You know what's sad about my life? The only people that really give a sh*t about me outside my family are people online. I can't help but feel that people only see me as a novelty or that awkward smart kid rather than a person with real human feelings, experiences, and powers.

The world is filled with dicks. Sigh, I'm done speaking.



britainm
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

User avatar

Joined: 26 Nov 2014
Age: 32
Gender: Female
Posts: 5
Location: Mississippi

09 Dec 2014, 12:06 pm

Hansgrohe wrote:
i_wanna_blue wrote:
Yeah I can understand. Most people who are successful, popular don't bother about having some low life like me for a friend. When I do make friends though things tend to change in one of two ways. In time they realise I was a decent friend in the start, but if they wanna make it to the top, they need friends of that ilk, so they usually ditch me, or something changes in their live and they find the best person to give the boot would be me. The second one I don't quite understand since if something bad happened to you (which had nothing to do with me), why make me the scapegoat? But it happens a lot so I suppose I must be to blame in some way, even though I can't seem to understand why.


Don't. Even. Get. Me. Started.

I mostly stay away from popular people and such. Sorry, but if I get "that" kind of vibe from you, I'm not talking to you. Bad experiences.

You know what's sad about my life? The only people that really give a sh*t about me outside my family are people online. I can't help but feel that people only see me as a novelty or that awkward smart kid rather than a person with real human feelings, experiences, and powers.

The world is filled with dicks. Sigh, I'm done speaking.


Yep, awkward smart kid..... right here. I completely understand. My friends are really unsupportive of my Aspergers, and of my anxiety, and of my depression. They tell me to "get over myself." It's really discouraging. Honestly, I don't even like my friends, and I prefer to be alone most of the time. But it's just SO HARD to make new friends. I seem to be off-putting for some reason. And the thing is, when somebody takes the time to get to know me, I usually get labelled as the "cool" girl. I guess most people are just really superficial, and it's hard to filter out the superficial from the real people at first. My problem is that my brain is wired to be extremely energy efficient, and I struggle to decide whether it's worth the effort to make new friends. Most of the time it's not. This planet sucks.


_________________
"All good things are wild and free." - Thoreau
"Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former." - Einstein


whatamess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,284

09 Dec 2014, 12:53 pm

I couldn't agree more! Pretty sick of it…I just posted something related to this here



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 6 May 2008
Gender: Male
Posts: 60,939
Location:      

09 Dec 2014, 1:20 pm

crystalc1973 wrote:
Has anyone else found that their so-called friends really don't give a rat's behind at the end of the day, and when you most need support, they are not there for you? Sure, if they have problems they want you to listen, but the moment your life isn't going so well, they are all too quick to ignore you. Friends in real life seem to be a far cry from friends in movies and tv shows, where they would go out of their way to help each other in need. Some people only seem to want friends whose lives are going great and they are filled with happiness, anyone else such as those who struggle with a disability and deal with obstacle after obstacle they don't care about. Do you find that you feel truly all alone at times?
Sadly, I've learned that all this is true not only with so-called "friends", but with relatives and family as well.

That's why when even my siblings come to me looking for a handout, I turn them down.

Where were they when I was homeless? Living in their comfortable homes, that's where.



whatamess
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Aug 2007
Age: 56
Gender: Female
Posts: 1,284

09 Dec 2014, 1:36 pm

ah, yes, I think family members are the worst…I've had this happen to me…when I need them it goes something like this….


…..
…..
…..


or

you need to get over it
you need to get over it
you need to get over it


but when they need ME, they expect and SADLY I still do THIS…

I am so sorry you are going through this
I can't imagine how hard that must be
you are a great person
you can call me anytime just to vent
I'll be here always…
hugs

and so, yup, somehow, the AS people have no empathy, there's something wrong with us…blah, blah, blah

PS working on not answering the phone anymore…



Brung
Raven
Raven

User avatar

Joined: 16 Jun 2014
Age: 55
Gender: Male
Posts: 123

09 Dec 2014, 8:44 pm

crystalc1973 wrote:
Has anyone else found that their so-called friends really don't give a rat's behind at the end of the day, and when you most need support, they are not there for you? Sure, if they have problems they want you to listen, but the moment your life isn't going so well, they are all too quick to ignore you. Friends in real life seem to be a far cry from friends in movies and tv shows, where they would go out of their way to help each other in need. Some people only seem to want friends whose lives are going great and they are filled with happiness, anyone else such as those who struggle with a disability and deal with obstacle after obstacle they don't care about. Do you find that you feel truly all alone at times?


Yes. Feel that way right now. There is nobody I would want to actually share my trouble with because I wouldn't want to burden them with it. Their response would basically be a controlled eye roll anyway. So why bother? I keep my mouth shut and soldier on. Because if you turn to friends (or family) who you have a history with of talking to about things they can't relate to, they're not going to want to hear about it, or know about it, either. It brings them down in mood. At least that's been my experience.



Hansgrohe
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 13 Apr 2013
Age: 27
Gender: Male
Posts: 329
Location: Oakland, CA

10 Dec 2014, 12:18 am

Pretty much in agreement here with "get over it". Sorry sir, socializing really isn't my thing. Just putting an aspie in such an extrovert NT environment is like a fish out of water.

Simply put: I don't work in this environment, now please understand!.