Irritating roommate and his 3 girlfriends...

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I don't know if I am being irrational here.

This might be long...

We have a roommate, he doesn't live with s 24/7, he's only here on weekends because he also had his own apartment somewhere else. He comes over on weekends because we live in an adult community and our house is next door to most of the community events, so on weekends it makes more sense for the roommate to rent a room from us then go back and forth to his apartment.

As I said, we are involved with an adult community, alternative sexuality and relationship style are common. Our roommate has 3 girlfriends (who all know about each other), his apartment is small; there is not enough space for all 4 of them to stay there comfortably, so when they are all together (on the weekends) all of them stay at mine and my husbands house. There are times when the ladies will even stay here without the roommate being present... kind of like an all girls night. Usually the ladies are very nice, especially the two older ones, they try to clean up after them selves and all, but I have high standards.

I am a bit OCD when it comes to my house. I like to keep things clean and have very specific ways that I arrange things... like my bath towels, ducky collection in the bathroom, and our guest room.

When all these people are over on weekends I get very stressed. They use mine and my husbands bath towels, they knock over my duckies, they sleep in the guest room (don't wash the sheets or make the bed. If they make the bed it's not how I would make it), they don't warn us that they are coming over, and none of them take out the trash or do the dishes. My feeling is that if so many of them are going to be in the house so regularly they are no longer guests, but roommates. Basic house keeping, like taking out the trash, is just as much their responsibility as mine. Am I wrong about that?

The roommate only pays for his ONE room, when all 4 of them are over they regularly use my guest room that I keep in case we have out of town guests. They never ask to use the room and they never clean up after them selves. I feel that it's not their right to just come in and take 2 rooms when the roommate only pays for one and if they do use the guest room they should be responsible for changing the sheets... like I said, I don't consider them guests anymore because they are over so often. Am I wrong about this?

Lastly, it's just gorse that they all use mine and my husbands bath towels. With a total of 5 people using 2 towels, not only do the towels never really dry and start to smell moldy, but I really don't want to be rubbing 4 other peoples body slime on my self after I just got clean. We have plenty of other towels, they are just being too lazy to walk to the closet and grab one. Am I wrong to feel like that?

My husband (who is NT) thinks I'm being nitpicky, but then when he was a teenager he lived on the streets and in "squats", so his irritation threshold is rather high. I think that the roommate and his 3 girlfriends aren't being rude intentionally, but they really don't notice or think about these things. What should I do? How would you handle this?

It's also good to note that the roommate is my ex and also my husbands boss at work and best friend. So, just kicking them all out isn't the first thing we want to do. Sure we could find another roommate, but it might be hard to find one who is only irritating on weekends.