Despair after a bad social interaction

Post Reply New Topic

I seem to be on the more 'mild' end of the spectrum because I am still able to read facial expressions and body language to some degree. In fact, most of my social interactions really aren't that bad and if I do make a mistake it's something very minor that the other person probably didn't even notice.

However, every once in awhile (usually once a month) I have a really bad interaction where I completely miss an important social cue or I don't read body language right. After this happens, I tend to spiral into a brief depression where I feel like I am completely socially inept. I start to look back and question all my successful interactions and wonder if I just got lucky those times and I really didn't know what I was doing.

Basically, when I have that occasional 'big slip-up' it really shakes me up makes me question a lot of things. Does anyone else get this?

Yes, I do that too. But there really isn't anything you can do about it and no point in worrying. For all I know people run around making excuses for me all the time because I'm actually screwing up all the time. If they do, that's very kind of them. In the meantime, I've got enough to worry about with staying housed and fed and employed, so if they want to tell me about something that's upsetting them about me, they'll have to come tell me about it directly. If it's something I can change I will; if not, I'll let them know that and then they can figure out what they want to do.

I used to. Fact is, everyone does that once in awhile. NTs just haven't been given any reason to beat themselves up on the same level, and they don't have a condition as ammunition for their hurt after they've made a mistake.

I don't think that's a fair statement to make. All kinds of people beat themselves up for all kinds of reasons. That's why so many therapists are in business. Rather than getting hung up on an AS/NT distinction, it'd probably be more helpful to just recognize that you can't know how things will go, and do your best, which is all you can do.

Yes, absolutely. I am similar to you OP, in that I'm not completely "inept" at social interaction. However one thing I think I know about aspies is that we are much more critical of ourselves when we make a mistake than NT's are. I know that's true for me, the term 'despair' is true sometimes and other times it's more 'self-loathing'. I recently was told that a number of social interactions that I thought were totally normal were uncomfortable for a family member of mine, and I have been in tears over it for three days and today thought it might be best if I just moved out of the area and disappeared from the family altogether, and I'm a grown-ass man. (It was a pretty serious upset on the other party's fault, but not that bad).

Anyway, just here to say yes - I do tend to worry a lot more about social faux pas' than others probably do, to an extent that seems abnormal.

yes I feel like that too quite often. I feel like I am truly "socially ret*d" and like I will never "get it" when it comes to socializing with others. It's very frustrating and can make me want to be a total hermit at times.

Yes. I messed up recently at a dinner event with people I know from a local meetup group. Well, some I know, some are still strangers. I got seated at the end of a table, opposite two people I did not know and away from those I did, and an aspergers lady who had been very good to me and who spent time with me was responsible for the seating plan. I ended up swapping seats as someone else saw I was in tears and I sort of asked the lady why she had seated me away from her and the others like that. She has since cancelled two afternoons out with me and gone all cold and I am desperately hurting and anxious over it. It has made me feel as if I am best off just isolating myself from other humans altogether and like giving up.

Yep, and then I proceed to beat myself up for it for the next 5 years or so.

I know what you mean. I am studying to be a paramedic but i am currently failing slightly cause i get flustered talking to people and cant cope in groups. I beat myself up more than i should as i find i just dont seem to be able to connect with the patients or understand their tones or occasionally needs. I keep tearing myself up after jobs and the confrontation seems to make me cry. I have no idea why so it helps me that i am not the only one feeling this way.

It happens quite often to me. Recently I've been dealing with lawyers and real estate agents because I'm moving. The first time I met them apparently I did well interacting. But as we have more and more interaction over time, I can see that their behavior towards me has changed because of my awkwardness. My slip ups because of poor social skills has caused it. I know what you mean. Some years back I would have beat myself up terribly for it - now it's part of the package, though it does bum me out a bit.