How to Get Over Aversion Towards Males

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Sometimes, I get very agitated when near guys, especially when they're ones I don't know. I suppose it's due to years of bullying and mockery from the opposite sex from 4th to 12th grade combined with knowledge about the risks of rape in college. Despite many positive experiences with males since I've entered college, I can't shake off this agitation. It doesn't help that my relatives insist that I should start looking for a boyfriend and that the bullying has 'blessed' me with very negative perceptions about myself. Any suggestions?

Well, I hope you don't mind taking advice from a guy.
Just remember that not all males are the same. Some are total jerks, and losers, but some are genuinely nice.
I suppose knowing that doesn't do you much good, if you lack the ability to differentiate, but it's something to keep in mind.
In the end, there are a lot more nice guys, than potential date rapists. So, the odds are in your favor.
That's all I can think of. I hope you can find a solution that works for you.

Thank you for your kind words. I try my best to keep that in mind. I still struggle from time to time, but I try to keep it in mind.

Hope you don't mind taking or at least listening to advice from another guy as well.

It may not exactly be your situation, but it is the closest I can think of.

I am a member of the BSA (Boy Scouts Of America) and for the first few years things were not all that great. I would isolate myself from the rest of the troop, not really talk with anyone, wouldn't participate in anything, and just felt depressed at every meeting. Then one year, before I was to go to the first meeting that year, for whatever reason I decided I was tired of feeling the way I was about my scout troop and decided that I would 'start fresh' this year. So I pretty much disposed of any negative thoughts and feelings I had about the troop and walked in as if this was my first meeting with them. It worked. I started to interact with the other scouts, became more involved with the troop activities, and just became much more happier. This progress I made eventually lead to me becoming the troops Junior Assistant Scoutmaster.

So I suggest trying that out as you see fit. It might not work the first time like it did for me, but try it again and again until you've pushed those feelings of agitation towards guys away.

I hope I've helped in some way. Just know that as Enochian mentioned, the amount of good guys out there dwarfs the number really bad guys. You may not notice them right away, but they are out there.

I have the same problem, but with women. It comes from family dynamics growing up. The only thing I know to do to change that attitude is to interact with members of the opposite sex anyway. If you are afraid, do it anyway. I am not saying interact with just any random guy. Just don't let your fear keep you from getting to know guys who you find interesting and who treat you nice. I am doing this to overcome my fear of women. It has allowed me to get to know some nice women who do not mistreat me. It gives me a different perspective, making me realize that it is possible for women to treat me nice.

I think the best you can do for yourself is observe how you're treated by males, learn which ones value your friendship (or more) and learn which ones want to bully and manipulate you. Learn which behaviors separate the two. Learn to be comfortable in different settings; don't attention silly frat parties and if you should hang out with a new male, do so in a more public area such as a coffee shop or on campus.

The agitation is a primitive warning system. It?s the nice thing about the brain emotions can tell you you?re in danger you don?t have to think about it which makes defense a hell of a lot quicker ideal for survival in the primal environment. The bad thing about emotions is that they can be wrong. I get anxiety over people in general. If you haven?t been traumatized too bad, sexually assaulted for example especially by a trusted person, it should be relatively easy to deal with. As others have suggested putting yourself in positive situations with guys is important because it changes the emotional response to them. The reason agitation persists is because you?re still holding something back and not letting the emotional response change. I don?t know what you?re holding back maybe it?s sex, your trust or tears only you?ll know what it is from where the agitation comes from. For me I hold back trust because every time I give it they turn on me. So the trick isn?t to just blindly open yourself up but pick the right person that won?t stab you in your back and thus perpetuate the cycle of anxiety.

Per your negative perceptions about yourself. Is there any validity to them? If there isn?t then began re-programming your mind towards an honest self image using other humans for reinforcement of perception and notes for reminders of the characteristics which compose your honest self image. My city had a ?positive post it note day? a week or two ago due to a girl who got bullied in school. That is helpful for positive self image. Notes to remind you of your good characteristics.

And also guys get better with time early 20's is still pretty young so if you can't be comfortable around your generation right now maybe you'll like who they become in another 5 years.

Thanks for your advice, everyone! I will put it to good use.

nice advises you got

I was bullied a lot too by guys during school so I know what you mean.
But it's good if you could truly put that experience aside, I one can't, it's knowledge ironed in my mind.
And about that damaged self esteem, screw those guys, even though it's hard to not take it to heart when they bully , the fact that they bully makes them low persons, therefore they have NO right to even have an opinion about who you are.
And HugCuddle gave interesting info. Guys in their early twenties seem unpredictable.
so mature older guys might be easier to communicate with and feel comfortable with

and tell your relatives to chill out!
I use evasiveness when my relatives start playing that part, you could try too
They should mind their own lives, asking for a boyfriend from you is a wrong way to show concern or interest in your life.
we should ask them for some cousins or siblings from their part =_='

As a male bodied person (although I'm not cisgendered. I'm non binary) who was bullied by mostly males, I know how you feel, I often don't like being around other male bodied people and flinch or get scared sometimes when near them. I suppose it's probably sexism to some degree or perhaps just not being cis but I prefer females a lot more as friends, lovers etc although if I found a male bodied person nice, and caring enough I wouldn't mind trying. Anyway. I have no real advice to give, only to say I know what you're going through.

Don't get over it. Aversion towards males is the best self-defense attitude that anyone could have.

Agreed. I've tried to be openminded and have regretted it every time. I've found out later that I was right to be skeptical of certain men. That being said if you're trying to get used to guys meet them in a hobby atmosphere. I skateboard and have had to deal with a couple creeps, however the park is busy so I'm not scared to be there. The guys are focused on skating so they're not trying to get in my pants. Best way to hang out with guys is to share a hobby with them in a busy place. No offense guys I think you're more outnumbered by creeps than you think.

That's a tough one. I avoid women almost as much as you avoid men, for the same reason--I don't want to be hurt. Every time I reach out I end up regretting it, so I don't try anymore.

That doesn't mean I see all women as potentially harmful, though. I find that it's best to go with your instincts. If you're naturally suspicious of someone, it's a good idea to stay away. Otherwise, they're probably all right.

I'm glad he posted this right after me. People in general these days are worthy of being skeptical of. I know a lot of creepy chicks too lol.