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charlesbronstein
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27 Feb 2007, 10:33 pm

I figured out that some questions open up a conversation and others just shut them down....
..ya know, responses like:

"ohhh"
"crazy"
"that's nice"
"cool"

or really monotonous conversations like:

do you Like " "
I like " "
I go to " "
really, I go to " "

....what are some good questions, greetings,to use......and faux pas' to avoid?I'm master of the monotonous conversation.



maldoror
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28 Feb 2007, 2:13 am

If you want to keep a conversation going, try to talk slightly less than the other person. Catch on little details of what they are saying, and ask questions about them.



dime_jaguar
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08 Mar 2007, 2:03 pm

Yea, like maldador said, just pay attention to whats going on and try to really be interested(in your mind). I notice that some people(like a relative of mine who i think also has as) doesnt seem to care about whats being said, and this often discourages the speaker from going on and getting to the point. Thus ending the 'connection'. I feel that this is often overlooked by people with as, they feel that if their not getting some important information out of the convo its useless. However people with NT mostly see conversation as a chance to 'connect' which can be fun and if your talking to someone interesting you might learn something new. So next time your in a convo try tuning in and making the convo of more substance by adding in your own experiences that relate, your opinions of what the speaker was thinking during this experience, what you would have done, how this would change your perspective on something, etc. It takes some concentration and willingness to open yourself up to others to keep the ball rolling. And sure it might be a little slow at first but like they say, practice makes perfect. Im staring to see socializing as a type of skill, one that i feel is important if you want to fulfill a satisfying life, obviously imo, lol, this is mainly driven by my sex drive :lol:



nate_face
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08 Mar 2007, 5:37 pm

Therapy with my psychiatrist kind of revolved around that for awhile. I would often let conversations die as soon as they began, and my pauses in between answers was a problem too. I was told to always ask questions that could lead onto another conversation, like whats your favourite movie, what kind of music do you like, what sort of tv shows do you like to watch, etc.



Lazenca_x
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09 Mar 2007, 3:33 am

I really don't get conversations. NT's usually talk about one thing then change the focus of the conversation to something else. When I talk to someone I want to keep the focus of the conversation on a particular subject. In my case it seems as thoygh the only thing that I can converse about relates to school work. I cannot talk about my own experiences because I feel as though I am boring the other person. IMO conversations are pointless :roll: .



Lazenca_x
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09 Mar 2007, 3:33 am

I really don't get conversations. NT's usually talk about one thing then change the focus of the conversation to something else. When I talk to someone I want to keep the focus of the conversation on a particular subject. In my case it seems as thoygh the only thing that I can converse about relates to school work. I cannot talk about my own experiences because I feel as though I am boring the other person. IMO conversations are pointless :roll: .



kindofbluenote
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09 Mar 2007, 10:46 pm

A good analogy is to treat a conversation like a game of tennis. Try to keep the volley going, and avoid the premature end to the conversation that happens when you miss the ball, or hit it out of the court...

Try to ask open ended questions that force a response other than yes or no.

I don't like talking much, but if I'd like to keep a conversation going, it's always easier to get the other person talking. Most people love to talk about whatever, I'll try to let them. Then I'm a "good listener", even though I'm replaying a violin concerto in my mind the entire time their lips are moving.


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MikeUK
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10 Mar 2007, 8:17 am

Quote:
A good analogy is to treat a conversation like a game of tennis. Try to keep the volley going, and avoid the premature end to the conversation that happens when you miss the ball, or hit it out of the court...


Perfect. I couldn't have put it better myself. This is what I try to do when a conversation has started. I used to think that conversations were pointless, then I gradually realised that I didn't want to be alone all the time, and that friendship can be really valuable. This realisation came with time

The questions I have are:

"how do you serve?"- what do you ask to start off, how do you tell if people want to talk?

And

how do you psych up to have a watercooler conversation when your minds focusing on work and your natural tendency is to hurry past trapped in your own thoughts?



larsenjw92286
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10 Mar 2007, 10:39 am

I understand, and ironically, that's why some people find me interesting!

I have a habit of posting the same things over and over again (For example, "Hi! Welcome to Wrongplanet! I hope you enjoy posting here!) to every new member that joins unless I am very interested in them, in which case I make longer posts. I am just me, but again, if someone has anything against me and the fact that I am like this, I am just going to make a short reply and then keep very quiet.


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